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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to show my DC how over priviledged they are at Christmas..

151 replies

clutteredup · 20/12/2011 17:12

...by wanting to take them to help at a shelter on Christmas day.

OK so it won't be Christmas day because DH won't let me but I just want to do something with them to show them that they are sooo much better off than so many people rather than focussing on what they want for Christmas.
I have tried googling homeless shelters in our area without much success but I desperate for some ideas to just let them see first hand what Christmas is really about.

They are 10, 8 and 4 ( I'm just about prepared to let the LO wait with her Dad for another time when she's a bit older Wink )

OP posts:
characidae · 20/12/2011 17:57

I don't think disadvantaged (& quite possibly mentally ill/substance abusing) people should be used as a learning exercise for children. I can't see how they would benefit from a 10 & 8yo 'getting stuck in' & surely volunteering should benefit the recipient rather than the volunteer?

1Catherine1 · 20/12/2011 17:58

Was going to suggest The Operation Christmas Child too as DoesNotGiveAFig did. At my school and in particular in my tutor group I was quite pushy about it this year and focused a lot on helping others less fortunate. Encouraging charity, giving someone else a good Christmas, not ruining theirs but hopefully making them more aware of how fortunate they are.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 20/12/2011 17:58

Haven't you got 364 other days of the year to do this? It's all very admirable and everything but it smacks of wanting to appease your own conscience. There are plenty of other ways, times and means to make your children appreciate what they have.

niceguy2 · 20/12/2011 18:01

YANBU to want to take them but practicalities may mean it's not possible in reality.

Thanks to my job, I've traveled extensively and seen what real poverty looks like. It makes me so glad that I live in a westernised country with good healthcare and social welfare system.

I too want to show my kids how hard it can really be out there and how lucky we are but it's not easy at all.

I will always remember the argument I had with my ex when I returned from India having seen people who live at the side of the road. Home is a sheet of steel propped against a wall with a tarpaulin sheet as the door. Having returned from seeing that sort of poverty, it was kind of hard to feel sympathy for my then GF who was bitching because our sofa cushions didn't match the colour of the sofa.

WhatsWrongWithYou · 20/12/2011 18:01

The problems of the world are not of your DCs' making, nor should they be expected to be part of the solution when they're so young - if they choose to do so as adults, that's up to them.
Why not give them a big box full of balloons if you don't want tbem to have what their friends have?

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 18:04

whatswrong reminds me of a time as I child me and my brother got given HUGE box all wrapped up...lots of excited and unwrapping to reveal.... a mini box of smarties Grin maybe we were being bratty that year.

My parents thought it was HILARIOUS.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 18:04

*my brother and I

EdithWeston · 20/12/2011 18:06

It's far too late to be volunteering for this year - if facilities are going to be to open (and the target users informed) the staffing will have been sorted out some time ago.

I think ongoing hands-on charity work over the whole year would be an excellent way of making the same point, and possibly with greater effect as it stands a better chance of becoming a habit.

Sirzy · 20/12/2011 18:08

Why pick chiristmas to teach such messages to them? While they are so young let them enjoy the Christmas they are lucky enough to have.

Taking them away from that to a potentially upsetting situation isn't going to achieve a great deal, certainly highly unlikely it will achieve anything positive.

With a decent upbringing there is no reason children can't grow up appreciating what they have without being forced into awkward situations.

FabbyChic · 20/12/2011 18:09

£40 to £50 is seriously a pittance but if that is all you can afford.

My parents spent more than that when I was 10 and that was 37 years ago.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 18:12

fabby stop being a

schmalex · 20/12/2011 18:13

I'd be surprised if homeless charities let children volunteer. I cooked for Crisis one Christmas and it wasn't a case of just turning up, it was a very organised operation. Plus it's correct that most of the people will be mentally ill and/or addicts of some sort. And they will probably be rude to you rather than oh-so-grateful. We had to have a talk before hand warning us that sometimes guests would commit suicide and what to do if it happened. It was pretty heavy and not the sort of thing I would take children to (even if they were allowed).

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 18:13

Are you a church goer OP? Do the kiddiwinks go and learn what christmas is all about too? A few extra masses might help them understand christmas isn't about gifts.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 18:14

midnight mass [evil]

KatieScarlettsCrackers · 20/12/2011 18:17

Why would you work out your own isshoos on your children?

Helltotheno · 20/12/2011 18:18

surely volunteering should benefit the recipient rather than the volunteer?

i would've thought it's a kind of symbiotic thing.

Well we've done trips to the elderly, op xmas child and a few other things and I agree, Christmas is not the only time of year for doing things BUT it definitely is a time of year when lots of children get a huge amount and imo, there's not much appreciation of it.

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 18:18

I do spend a lot of the year involved in things raising money for a number of charities and involve my DC who are also involved in doing similar things with school - we talk about things in the news and about what I do. They 'earn' pocket money through helping around the house and we encourage them to buy presents for eachother at birthdays and christmas -
I don't want to take them to a homeless shelter to gawp i want them to help and to learn that the pleasure of Christmas is in giving- doing things for others - I'm not out to appease any conscience I'd like them to share what I believe Christmas is about.
I'd gladly give them nothng for Christmas but DH won't have it - I know I can do stuff without DH - but they get loads from all the other relatives too - I cried the first time I saw what DHs family had given to DS his first Christmas it was overwhelming.
I know IABU to want to take them somewhere like a shelter I know it could be upsetting but I just can't bear all the matrialism and want want want.
We do go to church at Christmas but the DC don't listen they just sit there waiting to get home and open their presents.

OP posts:
wildstrawberryplace · 20/12/2011 18:19

YABU.

Having worked in a homeless shelter I'm sorry but I wouldn't do it.

For one thing, if you turn up with kids in tow it will be seen as "tourism" by the actual inhabitants of the shelter (despite what staff tell you).

Secondly, the reasons for having to use a shelter aren't just about not being lucky enough to have a house or Christmas presents.

Thirdly, teach your kids each day that they are the lucky ones if you really care, don't pick Christmas to teach them a lesson by taking them to gawp in misguided well meaning at other peoples misfortune.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 20/12/2011 18:20

Aw cluttered i do understand what you mean, it does get ridiculously too much with the "grabbing". It's hard to get kids that young to realise what it's all about and be grateful.

squeakytoy · 20/12/2011 18:21

Fabby, dont be such a twat...

Original poster
clutteredup · 20/12/2011 18:21

I don't think being concerned about my DC being ungrateful and selfish is an ishoooo - I think its about helping them to be responsible adults who won't end up in ridiculous debt because they don't see why they can't havr just what they want when they want it.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 20/12/2011 18:21

You know, I think some of you expect too much of kids. When I was 10, I certainly didn't have any concept of being lucky or unlucky, or of other people being lucky or unlucky. I think children are too self-centred for that, they don't really have empathy in that way.

Nothing wrong with encouraging them to be empathetic, but I really doubt any homeless shelter would want them there. Places for volunteering are taken up months before Christmas anyway.

Why not get them to send away some toys next year and have a chat about how some people don't have much?

Sirzy · 20/12/2011 18:22

Of course children want to get their presents at chiristmas what's wrong with that?

There is no reason children can't enjoy Christmas and realise they are lucky.

If you want to do something with them why not sort out old toys and take the ones in good condition to the local children's ward or charity shop?

Ephiny · 20/12/2011 18:23

If you want to volunteer with a charity, that's a great thing to do, and not just at Christmas either. But I wouldn't take the children along. I'd think at that age they'd be more a nuisance than a help, needing to be supervised etc, if they were even allowed at all.

And I agree that your attitude seems a bit patronising and sentimental towards the people involved. If you really do want to help, approach the charity (after Christmas would probably be best as I'm sure they're busy now) and ask what kind of help they would find useful.

pinkhebe · 20/12/2011 18:24

or sponsor a child

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