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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have sex with dp just because he wants it, all the time?

220 replies

PaintYouByNumbers · 15/12/2011 20:20

I know I sound massively unreasonable already not to mention selfish?
I really don't know if I am.
Basically, he has been off with me since yesterday as I once again refused to have sex with him, he hasn't confirmed this, but I suspect this is the reason.
Now I gave birth to our daughter 23 weeks ago, I have had sex since I had her, don't get me wrong. It took me a while then (over 8 weeks but this was in part due to the third degree tear I suffered whilst giving birth to dd). I have never really been a very sexual person and dp knows this, (we took each others virginity-at the age of 19) even less so since I had dd.

I should clarify it isn't like we haven't had sex for months and months, as I recall it was about a week ago, I am just an awful nasty cock tease aren't I?(oh yes, walking round fully clothed is enough to turn him on sometimes- and believe me that is NOT a stealth boast, it winds me up!)

Oops that turned into a slight rant. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

OP posts:

GoingForGoalWeight · 15/12/2011 22:09

You've had a 3rd degree tear 8 weeks ag! It's obviously going to have made you extremly sore, needing time to heal and psychologically aware of not wanting to potentially undo any healing.

You've had a baby and it is possible you are feeling emotional and need support. Your Husband is disrespectful, you are not a sex toy.

His insistance is making it worst if you are not ready to make love on a regular basis.

The wording of your post makes me feel as if you are low in yourself, natural at this time, but he is making it worst.

HE is a selfish pig.

GoingForGoalWeight · 15/12/2011 22:10

sorry 23 not 8 weeks

noblegiraffe · 15/12/2011 22:18

Tell him you are not turned on by sulking or by Benny Hill and if he wants to make love to you he's going the entirely wrong way about it.

HedleyLamarr · 15/12/2011 22:48

I am so going to get a kicking here but, leave Fabby alone. There is no reason to jump on her just for holding different views to the majority. FWIW, I agree with the OP. Her OH is an arsepiece. My own view is the same as I have posted on another thread a few weeks ago: I don't want to have sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with me. Where's the pleasure in that for any sane(ish) man?

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 15/12/2011 22:52

I don't have a problem with Fabby personally, Hedley, at all. But I will call her on it when she posts tripe.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2011 22:54

< places foot gently on Hed's arse and guides him into dunce's corner >

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 15/12/2011 23:06

I was a bit surprised at the posts suggesting OP should just help him out. I would not expect DH to go down on me if he wasn't in the mood - it'd be awful. I wouldn't expect to give him a 'hand' if I was exhausted and not in the mood, either, and he wouldn't want me to do it under those circumstances. He's quite capable of taking care of himself!

There are plenty of times we stick to that if we are too knackered for full sex... But it only happens if we are both in the mood to begin with.

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 15/12/2011 23:08

Fwiw good sex is only ever sex where both parties want it. Coerced sex via sulking is something else entirely.

I'd like to know how long it'd take a man to want sex again if someone sliced his penis open with those episiotomy scissors, then yanked it some more?

foreverondiet · 15/12/2011 23:11

Combination of being up in the night and loss of libido due to breastfeeding meant that once a week quite often with a tiny baby, esp when you had a tear.

I think you need to discuss because you both clearly have different expectations of whats reasonable.

HedleyLamarr · 15/12/2011 23:13

Thanks for your support . I know well enough that I shouldn't stick my head above the parapet. I spend most of my time in dunces corner AnyFucker, so a little more time spent rocking miserably there won't hurt.

I know Fabby does sometimes post shite, but I'm not going to jump on it. I'm not really a hectoring type of person. I like peace and quiet, which is why I spent fuck knows how long living next to the M25

flibbertywidget · 15/12/2011 23:13

Shit.. I must be in the wilderness - i have had "relations" with DP exactly twice since having DC2 2.5 yrs ago.I am too knackered, lady bits have stopped working and (.) (.) certainly don't belong to me anymore.. all in all I feel about as sexy as a bloody log. DP is not happy, it is our #1 row topic.

there are some other reasons, like him not having a job, not lifting a finger to help, me working full time, me looking after kids when not at work all the time, me doing all the housework... basically I am bitter. Bitter and sex are not great bedfellows I find.

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 15/12/2011 23:15

FLibberty: So why are you keeping him? It's not remotely surprising you don't want to let him have sex on you when he is leeching off you in every other way possible, why not just get rid of him?

HedleyLamarr · 15/12/2011 23:16

stuffedauberginexmasdinner Thu 15-Dec-11 23:08:48

Fwiw good sex is only ever sex where both parties want it. Coerced sex via sulking is something else entirely.

What I tried to say but obviously lack the eloquence or verbal dexterity of Aubergine.

HedleyLamarr · 15/12/2011 23:18

Flibberty, he's an arse.

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 15/12/2011 23:19

There's something rather beautiful about the phrase "verbal dexterity of aubergine"

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2011 23:20

Hedley, we have to josh about fabby

or take a contract out on her

which is preferable ?

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2011 23:21

flibberty get rid of your useless parasite

you might as well be on your own with your lovely dc

nativitywreck · 15/12/2011 23:26

It is a truth not universally acknowledged, that the way to turn on a knackered married woman is to clean the bathroom without being asked.
Men can be so dense.
Being nagged for sex is the least sexy thing in the world. Unexpected sparkling porcelain? Take me now!

nativitywreck · 15/12/2011 23:26

II dunno AF.. how much is a contact these days?

nativitywreck · 15/12/2011 23:27

contract I mean. Bedtime!

flibbertywidget · 15/12/2011 23:28

I totally agree with you. I am at the beginning of delousing myself.... just worried about impact on the DC.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 15/12/2011 23:32

Take me over the sparkling porcelain !

I dunno, NW, I know people that would do the kneecaps for the price of a pint

I don't condone such malarkey though

flib the children will gain much more from a mum who has her self respect than her staying with a man that treats her like a domestic appliance with a fuckhole

rhondajean · 15/12/2011 23:33

Did whoever posted " let him have sex on you" mean it??

Anniegetyourgun · 15/12/2011 23:36

Yes, it's a phrase SGB often uses, and quite appropriate in the circumstances I think.

Flibberty, from what you say I doubt your DC will even notice he's gone, except that there's more room on the sofa.

thunderboltsandlightning · 15/12/2011 23:37

"Let him have sex on you" was a brilliant line, because that's exactly what this man is wanting - for his wife to give in to his nagging, sulking and pestering and let him use her as a sex receptacle, whether she likes it or not.

What sort of a bloke thinks that sex three weeks after birth is a good idea?

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