To not have sex with dp just because he wants it, all the time?

[PaintYouByNumbers]

I know I sound massively unreasonable already not to mention selfish?
I really don't know if I am.
Basically, he has been off with me since yesterday as I once again refused to have sex with him, he hasn't confirmed this, but I suspect this is the reason.
Now I gave birth to our daughter 23 weeks ago, I have had sex since I had her, don't get me wrong. It took me a while then (over 8 weeks but this was in part due to the third degree tear I suffered whilst giving birth to dd). I have never really been a very sexual person and dp knows this, (we took each others virginity-at the age of 19) even less so since I had dd.

I should clarify it isn't like we haven't had sex for months and months, as I recall it was about a week ago, I am just an awful nasty cock tease aren't I?(oh yes, walking round fully clothed is enough to turn him on sometimes- and believe me that is NOT a stealth boast, it winds me up!)

Oops that turned into a slight rant. Thanks for reading if you got this far!

It took you a while after the birth?! 8 weeks? My DD is 6 months and me and DH are yet to resume friendliness. He understands the reasons. Have you had a proper chat?

God you are absolutely not being unreasonable! It took me over a year after each child (we have 3) to get any kind of sex drive back. Are you breastfeeding? The hormones it triggers can keep your sex drive low - natures way of ensuring you focus on your baby!

He needs to understand that you are still recovering physically and emotionally from the birth and the change in your lives; attempting to reconnect emotionally is what he should be focusing on, not badgering you to have sex!

He is BU being in a huff
You are BU not giving him a hand etc
Sorted.

Is he pulling his weight around the house? With looking after Baby?

Tiredness and feeling unappreciated can be a libido killer too.

YANBU obviously.

YANBU, he should give you some leeway and you should be able to work it out together not you pandering to his rants.

How would he like a third degree tear, is not great is it.

Agree you could passify him in other ways if you aren't too tired.

Hang on...23 weeks is about 5 months, right?
OK, I have a pretty high sex drive (unfortunately) but even I had absolutely zero interest in sex until ds was at least six months.

Which was lucky, since no-one was asking

I did have "sex" with myself at this point, and was mighty surprised to get 3 orgasms in a row like BAM BAM BAM.
I hope, seeing as you had sex so soon after birth, that you got the same.

YANBU, your dh is an arse.

Nobody should have to "compromise" by having sex they don't want!

Tell him to go and have a wank, as you are not just something to wank into. Getting annoyed on your behalf just thinking about it!

Most men accept that sex is going to be on the back burner when their partners have given birth.
Most men don't treat their partners as sex toys that they are entitled to shag whenever they feel like it
Most men treat their partners with love and respect when they have suffered huge physical and emotional trauma when giving birth.

Your partner is behaving like an entitled arse. I am so very sorry you're going through this. His behaviour is bordering on abusive.

Will he listen to you? Is there someone else he will listen to? It's entirely normal for sex to take a bit of a back seat once a baby is born - most people I know don't start having sex again until 3-4 months after the birth and that's without serious birth injuries.

YANBU. You do not have to have sex when you don't want to. He does not have a right to sex. It will not drop off.

Why do men want to have sex with unwilling women?

Hahaha @ Fabby's comments... again... isn't she single anyway?!

OP, YADNBU. Don't have sex if you don't want to, just to keep your DH happy and don't feel the need for 'hand jobs' or blow jobs either, he should understand, not harrass you.

Pacify? Jesus.

The view some people her have of men is fucking depressing- they aren't rapacious beasts who need a female to wank/suck/fuck them into a slightly less barbaric state, you know. Men and women have their own individual libidos and emotional needs when it comes to sex, and as far as I know, nobody has spontaneously combusted from a lack of it. Intimacy and respect for your partner keeps you emotionally close, and hopefully closer in tune with each other sexually. Making sure that you are helping each other out and that one of you isn't permanently exhausted and over-pestered is pretty important too. Sensible and averagely considerate human beings understand this without a problem. Fabbychic maybe doesn't though.

Fabby has not been on the port.... It's sherry only at Christmas.

Seriously OP YANBU. A third degree tear is awful and to care for a baby is so tiring. Take some time to look after yourself and try to talk to your DH about this.

Andrea Dworkin is in the house ?

That would be difficult

Since she is dead

Epic fail with the wise crack

I see the "all men don't have hearts and brains and respect and love for their partners, they are just support systems for erections and women's job is to take responsibility for those erections" brigade are out in force.

Some of you must live with some really horrible men and you're so invested in pretending that they're normal, that you tell everyone that abusive horrible men are normal.

They're not. OP your DH is horrible and abusive, not normal. HTH.

Likes applauds Bof's post

Get him a Blow Up Doll for Xmas

I guess it's the ghost of Andrea AF. Woooooooooooh

I hope she's haunting fabby

Bam Pot Drivelling?

Bottom Parts Dribbling ?