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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my Granny should stop signing her cards this way?

216 replies

ArrAitch · 13/12/2011 12:05

I have always called my Dad's Mum 'Granny' and when my first son was born I just carried on calling her this. He calls her Granny too (he's two and a half), and I expect our second son will do the same (he's four and a half months). My Mum is Grandma, and her Mum is/was Great Grandma (she passed away last year, but obviously we still talk about her). DH's Mum is Nanny/Nan.

However, Granny insists on signing cards as 'Great Grandma' and it's really starting to annoy, and upset, me. I know I'm being a bit sensitive about it but she has been spoken to about it and asked not to do it. My Grandma was the boys' Great Grandma and I'd like her to stay the only one, especially as they won't remember her (DS1 was just short of eleven months old when she passed away and DS2 wasn't born yet!) so I feel it might be confusing if I'm trying to tell them about Great Grandma who is no longer here, when they're getting cards and presents from 'Great Grandma'.

So AIBU to chuck the Christmas card we got from her this morning in the bin and to tell her next time I see her that if she can't remember her own name she should just stop sending cards altogether?

OP posts:
CupAndSorcery · 13/12/2011 12:43

ArrAitch - how dare you call yourself that. There's another Aitch round these parts and only she is allowed to adopt that title....and she's not even deceased

......see what i did there?

CupAndSorcery · 13/12/2011 12:44

....badly...

squeakytoy · 13/12/2011 12:44

my god... just be fucking thankful that you and your child still have elderly relatives who are alive, and who care enough to send a card! Hmm

Both my granddads (yes, I called them both granddad).. had died before I was 8, and one of my grandmas too. And i refer to them both as "grandma".. if anyone asked which one I meant, I would say "grandma smith" for example...

get a bloody grip

Original poster
ArrAitch · 13/12/2011 12:44

She's not elderly. I am in my early twenties - my Granny is barely out of her sixties. She doesn't have memory problems at all, so it's not that she's doddery and actually does forget what her name is.

I guess I just don't understand why she chose to be Granny for so many years but now wants to be Great Grandma Confused.

mayorquimby I don't think I'm showing a lack of respect to her. I asked her nicely, I gave a valid reason (several, in fact) for asking, and she sat and agreed with me.. then posted a card signed Great Grandma. I think the fact that she lied to my face does show a slight lack of respect.

FWIW, I'm not actually going to throw the flipping card in the bin. Well, not until after Christmas anyway.

OP posts:
SanTEEClaus · 13/12/2011 12:46

YAB ridiculous, unreasonable and loony.

ColdTurkeyRemains · 13/12/2011 12:47

Secondary Aitch.

(Which is what I demand you be called. I shall rip up your posts if you refuse to comply with my wishes to namechange.)

You are a delightful distraction from my day.

Cheers.

Smile
AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 13/12/2011 12:47

i don't like granny, never have. maybe she never liked it much either and is using this as an opportunity to change.

hey listen if you're going to stick around would you consider a weeny name-change? i think two Aitches is already causing some confusion. cheers. Smile

squeakytoy · 13/12/2011 12:47

I feel it might be confusing if I'm trying to tell them about Great Grandma who is no longer here, when they're getting cards and presents from 'Great Grandma'.

Once they are old enough to read a card, they will realise that people who have died cannot send cards, and will clearly know which great grandparent sent the card...

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 13/12/2011 12:49

why thank you for taking up this baton on my behalf, CTR. much obliged. Grin

LoveInAColdClimate · 13/12/2011 12:49

WTAF? This is the weirdest thing I think I have ever read on here. Of course YABU.

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 13/12/2011 12:50

we have only ever had grandmas, and to differentiate one employs the surname. easy peasy.

ihatecbeebies · 13/12/2011 12:50

Yab completely and utterly ridiculous! She is the great gran, and maybe she's very happy and proud of that, you're being mean to try and take that away from her, I can't believe you actually had words with her about it too...

SarahBumBarer · 13/12/2011 12:51

"she has been spoken to about this" Shock

How odd and unpleasant.

Yes you would be unreasonably to chuck the card in the bin but you would be genuinely horrible to tell her not to send any more cards if she can't remember her own name. Perhaps she'll decide to christen you "Miserable cow" and insist that you sign that on all your cards from now on!

ChristmasIsAcumenin · 13/12/2011 12:52
Xmas Shock

A lack of respect to you? But she's the great grandma! Once you've got a great and a grand to your name you can decide what the suffix ought be. Until then, YABU, and sort of a bit awful, I'm sorry!

ihatecbeebies · 13/12/2011 12:53

Tbh, if I was your gran I wouldn't even send you a card for being so rude!

Original poster
ArrAitch · 13/12/2011 12:55

Just to clarify - I'm not actually going to tell her she can't send cards anymore. That was a joke.

I'm not some evil Granny basher who's trying to make an old lady miserable. I just don't get why she wants to change what she's always been called, especially as she knows it upsets me. Surely as my Granny she shouldn't be deliiberately trying to upset me, any more than I should her? Which I'm not.

OP posts:
CupAndSorcery · 13/12/2011 12:55

Of course you are saying she is second best ....

Aren't all mothers of sons when it comes to this sort of thing Hmm

MrMeaner · 13/12/2011 12:56

Sometimes I think these boards give me a clearer insight into the female psyche and potentially help bridge the gap between the sexes...

Then I read something like this and realise that there is gaping chasm that millenium will never bridge.

midnightexpress · 13/12/2011 12:56

She's not 'deliberately trying to upset you'. She just wants to be called great grandma. But you're obviously not convinced by every single person on this thread telling you that YABU.

ceebie · 13/12/2011 12:57

Aww hun, I can see that it has annoyed you that she agreed one thing then went back on her word - whether intentionally or not. However please try to be tolerant of her ways. All family members can be annoying sometimes but this really isn't something worth getting too upset over. Your children will recognize the difference between the two great-grandmothers, and they are likely to call her as they wish irrespective of what she calls herself. Try to just leave it between them and her.

YaMaYaMa · 13/12/2011 12:57

Have you considered asking Santa to get you a fucking grip?

brandysoakedbitch · 13/12/2011 12:59

You seriously need to get a grip of yourself - I would love your life is this is an example of a problem in your world. You are very very controlling. I fail to see how you imagine you get to choose how people address themselves.

Yes Mr Meaner it does make worrying reading doesn't it.

THIS IS NOT A PROBLEM. YOU ARE THE PROBLEM

bigTillyMincepie · 13/12/2011 12:59

YaMaYaMa Xmas Grin

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 13/12/2011 13:00

Seeing as you have only just joined it would be curteous to namechange, also you can then pretend this thread was nothing to do with you and start again with something that doesn't make you look like the biggest loon from loonsville.

Sorry to hear about you losing your Grandma though Sad

DodieSmith · 13/12/2011 13:00

So OP. The mumsnet jury has spoken. Do you accept YABU?

Swipe left for the next trending thread