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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my Granny should stop signing her cards this way?

216 replies

ArrAitch · 13/12/2011 12:05

I have always called my Dad's Mum 'Granny' and when my first son was born I just carried on calling her this. He calls her Granny too (he's two and a half), and I expect our second son will do the same (he's four and a half months). My Mum is Grandma, and her Mum is/was Great Grandma (she passed away last year, but obviously we still talk about her). DH's Mum is Nanny/Nan.

However, Granny insists on signing cards as 'Great Grandma' and it's really starting to annoy, and upset, me. I know I'm being a bit sensitive about it but she has been spoken to about it and asked not to do it. My Grandma was the boys' Great Grandma and I'd like her to stay the only one, especially as they won't remember her (DS1 was just short of eleven months old when she passed away and DS2 wasn't born yet!) so I feel it might be confusing if I'm trying to tell them about Great Grandma who is no longer here, when they're getting cards and presents from 'Great Grandma'.

So AIBU to chuck the Christmas card we got from her this morning in the bin and to tell her next time I see her that if she can't remember her own name she should just stop sending cards altogether?

OP posts:
MarthasHarbour · 13/12/2011 12:26

YAalsoBVU to have a MN name similar to another prolific poster as i thought it was her!

TopazMortmain · 13/12/2011 12:26

Very weird AIBU... Grin

Who cares what she calls herself? When I am a great grandmother I shall DEMAND everyone calls me She of the Fab Shoes. Including my grandchildren.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 13/12/2011 12:27

YABU

abbierhodes · 13/12/2011 12:27

You are being very precious and quite spiteful I think. Threatening to throw a christmas card away because an elderly lady won't bow to your every whim? Get a grip.

If this is your biggest worry then count your blessings, be thankful for the fact that you have a lovely grandmother who cares enough to send you a card and get on with your life.

TopazMortmain · 13/12/2011 12:27

And great grandchildren.

And the postman.

SantaBurntHisToffeeArse · 13/12/2011 12:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Bramshott · 13/12/2011 12:27

Can they read? Surely you just say "oh it's a card from Granny / Great-Granny"? Confused

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 12:27

I think my brain might have fallen out. Not sure I even understand this one!

Hullygully · 13/12/2011 12:27

She it a total selfish cunt. Whop her one the cow

SoupDragon · 13/12/2011 12:28

You are behaving like a control freak.

TopazMortmain · 13/12/2011 12:29

In fact, tempted to create a 'I shall be known as ... when I am old' thread

Toomanyworriedsonhere · 13/12/2011 12:29

My Ma wanted to be called Nana instead of Oma. She is German and thinks Nana seems french and more sophisticated. I always loved my own Oma and was sad that my kids didn't have an Oma to love too and remind them of their German heritage.

BUT I decided it was up to her!

YABU - surely there are bigger things to stress about and if not you are very lucky.

sheeplikessleep · 13/12/2011 12:30

Aitchtwoohhohoho I was a tad confused, as assumed it was you

SantaBurntHisToffeeArse · 13/12/2011 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CailinDana · 13/12/2011 12:30

Ok so there's more going on. She's changed her name from Granny to Grandma. That's up to her and really doesn't mean much as your children will go on calling her whatever they want. My gran was called Dranny for years after one of my cousins couldn't pronounce her name. My other granny is called a very weird name that I can't say as it would identify her immediately to any lurking family members. You clearly have a big issue with the whole thing but it's your problem and you need to deal with it without involving your children or hurting your Granny's feelings.

TandB · 13/12/2011 12:31

YABVU

She is their great-grandmother, not their grandmother and she is signing herself by an entirely appropriate name to reflect that. She isn't taking anything away from any other family member - but you run the risk of making her feel like she is less important in your childrens' lives than someone who sadly is no longer around.

My PIL are Gran and Grandad to DS - their choice. My deceased grandparents who raised me were Gran and Grandad to me - I don't throw a hissy fit about PIL using "their" names. My father, who DS sees very rarely and with whom I have a distant but polite relationship, calls himself Grandad. FIL doesn't throw a strop about his name being used by someone who is barely in DS's life at all. My deceased mother is referred to by me as "your other Gran" - my MIL doesn't stamp her feet about it and I don't expect her to change her name out of respect for my mother.

DS's great-grandmother also calls herself Gran to DS - no-one bats an eyelid.

As long as people are important in childrens' lives, whether or not they are still around, it surely doesn't matter who gets called what? I would like to think that if my mum and grandparents were still around, the last thing on their mind would be quibbling over names.

TopazMortmain · 13/12/2011 12:31

Behold for I shall be 'Great Granny Vogue Style'

Do you think it scans well?

I need to leave this thread.

Love

Future Granny Weatherwax's Nylon Pants

arf

HughBastard · 13/12/2011 12:31

Aha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa.

FoxyRevenger · 13/12/2011 12:32

Erm...who cares? Really? This really bothers you?

You are a bit odd and er, obsessive. Maybe.

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 13/12/2011 12:32

WHY MIGHT I NOT HAVE A GREAT-GRANDMA, elfy??! do you think i am OLD?

i am. Grin

IneedAChristmasNickname · 13/12/2011 12:33

Oh I get it now OP, and fwiw yanbu, imo.
When DS1 was born, (1st GC on both sides) My Mum wanted to be 'Grandma', and MIL said she would be 'Gran' to avoid confusion, her choice not mine! Then, 2 1/2 years later, I now have 2 DC, SIL has her 1st and kicks off that her Mum isn't 'Grandma Hmm Her MIL wanted to be Nanny, but she (SIL) insisted that her children had a Grandma. So my MIL decided to change her 'name' as it would be too confusing for the children if they call her one thing, and cousins call her another.
We saw her recently, and she said 'oh look,that looks like Grandmas car' (pointing at a Rav4) DS1 (7yrs) looks over, and says 'no it doesn't, Grandma has a black Ford' MIL replied, 'I meant me, you do have 2 Grandma's you know' DS1: 'No you are Gran'
I laughed! Probably shouldn't have, but afaiac, she is 'Gran' as chosen by HER!

Wht does Granny suddenly feel the need to be Grandma after all these years?

SardineQueen · 13/12/2011 12:36

Hmmm

It does seem a bit strange that she asked to be called granny for years, and now she has decided to change.

However, I am assuming that she is fairly elderly, and I'm not sure what getting your knickers in a twist about it will achieve. It's doesn't really matter, does it?

WibblyBibble · 13/12/2011 12:36

Good god. Yes YABU. Why should an elderly lady have to remember which random gran-variation she's allowed to sign a Christmas card ffs? Your children can see pictures of your gran and will remember her that way. My youngest won't remember her great grandma personally as she died when she was 1, even my older daughter doesn't remember her that well, that's just how life is I'm afraid- I keep pictures of my gran holding them as babies for me to remember but tbh I don't expect it to mean much to them even though my gran practically bought me and my sister up as she did so much childcare for my mum.

Livingwiththefamished · 13/12/2011 12:37

It's only a name in a card. And they'll call her what they want to in the end anyway. I wouldn't worry tbh.

mayorquimby · 13/12/2011 12:37

"And why, even though I have asked her not to do it, does she insist on referring to herself as Great Grandma?"

Yep, she's the one who is deliberately insisting on something here.

"but I still don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to respect my wishes on this."

hahahah respect your wishes? about what she calls herself? while you posit throwing cards in the bin and making demands that they be re-issued with the title that you want. You're right, what a lack of respect on her part.