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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that my Granny should stop signing her cards this way?

216 replies

ArrAitch · 13/12/2011 12:05

I have always called my Dad's Mum 'Granny' and when my first son was born I just carried on calling her this. He calls her Granny too (he's two and a half), and I expect our second son will do the same (he's four and a half months). My Mum is Grandma, and her Mum is/was Great Grandma (she passed away last year, but obviously we still talk about her). DH's Mum is Nanny/Nan.

However, Granny insists on signing cards as 'Great Grandma' and it's really starting to annoy, and upset, me. I know I'm being a bit sensitive about it but she has been spoken to about it and asked not to do it. My Grandma was the boys' Great Grandma and I'd like her to stay the only one, especially as they won't remember her (DS1 was just short of eleven months old when she passed away and DS2 wasn't born yet!) so I feel it might be confusing if I'm trying to tell them about Great Grandma who is no longer here, when they're getting cards and presents from 'Great Grandma'.

So AIBU to chuck the Christmas card we got from her this morning in the bin and to tell her next time I see her that if she can't remember her own name she should just stop sending cards altogether?

OP posts:
HappyCamel · 13/12/2011 12:14

YABU, she is a great granny and surely its up to her what she wants to call herself. Why the need to control everything and have it all your way? Children remember personalities, not names.

midnightexpress · 13/12/2011 12:14

Sorry, I'm a bit Confused. This is the DC's great grandma (technically), if I've understood correctly? Your dad's mum?

Personally I think YAB a bit U. Maybe she doesn't like being called granny by her great grandchildren. And she isn't their grandmother, she's their great-grandmother - perhaps she wants a bit of recognition for reaching that stage in her life? Could you compromise on 'great granny' or Great Grandma Smith (or whatever) perhaps? When my GP were alive they were Granny Surname and Granny Othersurname.

If (supposing for a moment) all your grandparents and your DH's grandprents were alive, you'd be hard-pushed to find four different names for all the great-grannies and there might well be duplication of titles.

cece · 13/12/2011 12:14

As I understand it she is the Great Grandmother of your children?

I think you are completely unreasonable. If she is their Great Gandma and wants to be called this then I would have no problem with this. Indeed my mum and DH's mum are both called Grannie and there is no confusion whatsoever with my children. We just put their name after Grannie, so for example Grannie cece and Grannie veve.

It sounds like you have a problem with this Granny that you are not saying - why is the other Great Grandma being given such priority over names?

elfyrespect · 13/12/2011 12:15

Aitch? Surely not.

They won't even know the Great Grandma you are reserving the title for.
This is the Great Grandma they have got.

pooka · 13/12/2011 12:15

Both my grandmothers were granny - just granny dads surname and granny mums surname. To my kids they were both gt granny or just first name v

Not a problem. Kids not scarred for life as far as I can tell. Is it really tat hard to explain the difference between dead great grandma (I.e. by the first name or relationship) and the other?

Think you need to gt a grip.

sheeplikessleep · 13/12/2011 12:16

Sorry I've confused things I think.

Re-reading it, yes she is the GREAT grandma/nan whatever.

Course she should be called Great grandma/nan whatever. That's what she is.

Original poster
ArrAitch · 13/12/2011 12:18

Sorry, should have been more clear - she does get called Great Granny, but not Great Grandma.

I'm not saying she's second best, just that I don't get why she needs to call herself the same thing as another grandparent. My DS1 calls her Granny/Great Granny, which is fine, but she insists on referring to herself as Great Grandma. He won't call her that though, so it a) seems a bit pointless and b) is a bit confusing.

Cailin what I mean is that I have always called one grandmother Grandma and the other Granny, so when DS1 was born we just stuck 'Great' in front of whatever they were already called. I don't understand why she wants to be Great Grandma after always being Granny, and why she's deliberately ignoring what we've asked of her.

OP posts:
SimoneD · 13/12/2011 12:19

Yes YABVVU!
She is his great grandmother FGS, and all this talk about throwing her card away and having it out with her, WTF!! Utter madness. I feel sorry for the poor woman. You sound horrible.

midnightexpress · 13/12/2011 12:20

Sorry, but i don't understand why it's so important to you. It does sound as if you have some sor tof issue with her tbh.

gnushoes · 13/12/2011 12:20

She may hate the idea of being called Granny and like Grandma. I can't see the problem. You're over-reacting.

mayorquimby · 13/12/2011 12:20

Probably for the same reason you are deliberately ignoring what she wants to be called herself, she obviously prefers this name. And as she's describing herself I think she gets to choose

CailinDana · 13/12/2011 12:21

Oh I see. You're being a total loon then. How would you feel if she came along and insisted you be called "Mother"? Unclench FFS.

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 13/12/2011 12:23

this op is Not Me. just in case anyone was wondering if i'd lost my actual marbles.

blackteaplease · 13/12/2011 12:24

Is it the switch from Granny to Grandma that you don't like, or the addition of 'Great'? Why are you having such an emotional response to something that on the face of it seems trivial?

I think you are being a little bit precous to dictate what she can call herself but I also think that if your dc are used to calling her granny then this should fizzle out as that's what they will persist with.

I wouldn't throw the card out, that's a bit petty.

midnightexpress · 13/12/2011 12:24
Grin
mumblechum1 · 13/12/2011 12:24

This wins the Barmiest Problem of the Day award.

MarthasHarbour · 13/12/2011 12:24

YABVVVU to suggest chucking the card in the bin Xmas Shock

poor granny/great granny/grandma/great grandma - whatever - poor lovely elderly lady who dotes on her GGCs Xmas Hmm

my DS is the same age and calls my Nanna something different every time - she loves it!

WTFlike · 13/12/2011 12:24

So did you chuck the cards?

Callisto · 13/12/2011 12:24

You are being so unreasonable on this very minor issue that I don't know where to begin. I doubt you would listen anyway so suffice to say that you should be fucking grateful to have this lady in your childrens lives and how she signs cards is frankly none of your business. Grow up, wise up and have some patience and empathy fgs.

midnightexpress · 13/12/2011 12:25

(that Grin was at the original aitch, btw)

SantaBurntHisToffeeArse · 13/12/2011 12:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
ArrAitch · 13/12/2011 12:25

I doubt she hates being called Granny as that's what she asked to be called when her first grandchild was born.

I don't think I've been very clear. My point is that she has always been called Granny, so why does she now want to be Great Grandma, not Great Granny? And why, even though I have asked her not to do it, does she insist on referring to herself as Great Grandma?

Like I said, I know I am being over-sensitive but it kind of makes me feel a bit sad to open a card and see 'Great Grandma'. It just reminds me that the other one can't send cards.

And yes, you're all right, there are probably a few underlying issues with my Granny, but I still don't think it's unreasonable to ask her to respect my wishes on this.

And to those who are making me out to be some kind of elderly lady basher - she's barely out of her sixties and is probably fitter and healthier than me.

OP posts:
TheLightPassenger · 13/12/2011 12:25

YABVU. This is mindboggling pettiness.

elfyrespect · 13/12/2011 12:25

I didn't really think it could be your Great Granny dilemma Aitch.

tigermoll · 13/12/2011 12:26

It sounds like you are trying to 'protect' the memory of your Grandma, but I think that, in doing this, you are pushing away your children's other great grandparent.

Your Granny clearly loves being a great GP, and wants to be a part of your kids' lives. Chucking her card away and having it out with her seems like a strange way for you to a) show her that she is loved and appreciated, or b) defend your Granny.

Sadly, your children will never know your Granny. But they can know their great grandma. Don't spoil this by pointless squabbling about 'what she should be called'. That is really something people get to choose for themselves.