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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want my DH to see his other son on Chritmas day

195 replies

fabsi · 12/12/2011 10:11

My dh has a son from a previous relationship. He is 5 and i have a very good relationship with him. He stays over every Saturday and i absolutely adore him, as do our other two children, who are 4 and 2. The problem is, and i don't know if it's just me, but i hate my dh going to see his son on Christmas day. He has done for the last 4 years and i've dealt with it. Last year he asked his ex if he could drop the presents down Christmas eve and instead of coming over for the hour she wants him to, to open his presents with him, he would call him. She was not happy and insisted he came down, even if it's only for half an hour. Problem is, my kids are getting older now and we were sat around for nearly two whole hours waiting for him to come home so we could have some family time. This upset my dd and so angered me more and then the rest of the day was ruined. And so, i spoke to my dh last night and he said he'd rather upset his ex than me and so he will tell her he's not coming down. Problem is, this happened last year and she asks him why he can't come down and starts the emotional blackmail. Of course i can see it from her side too, she wants her son to have his daddy come down on Christmas day, but it's now starting to affect me and my dd and no doubt in years to come, my ds too. Advice please!

OP posts:
StrandedUnderTheMisltoe · 12/12/2011 10:14

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MudAndGlitter · 12/12/2011 10:15

YABVVVVVU. And vile.

madrose · 12/12/2011 10:15

Sorry I think you're being unreasonable - you get your partner for the whole day bar a couple of hours and you begrudge a 5 year spending an hour with his father. If anyone should be angry it should be the 5 year old

DizzyCow63 · 12/12/2011 10:15

Yabvvu. Your poor step-son. Could he not come to yours for a while on xmas day to see his siblings too?

alistron1 · 12/12/2011 10:16

YABVU.

buttonmoon78 · 12/12/2011 10:16

Utterly U. Poor boy Hmm

DoesNotGiveAFig · 12/12/2011 10:16

I hope this is a wind up.

YABU.

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 12/12/2011 10:16
Shock

bah fucking humbug to you, lady.

MudAndGlitter · 12/12/2011 10:16

Why do your children get to come before DSS? This isn't fair on him and if your DH is even considering not seeing his son for an hour on Xmas day then he sounds awful. Imagine how you would feel if he wouldn't visit your children at xmas

SpanglyGiraffe · 12/12/2011 10:17

YABVVVU. Poor child. It's not much to ask, seeing him for an hour or so on Christmas day.

squeakytoy · 12/12/2011 10:17

"Problem is, my kids are getting older now and we were sat around for nearly two whole hours waiting for him to come home so we could have some family time"

Aw diddums... Hmm

Shouldnt have jumped into bed with a bloke who had a tiny baby with someone else then should you.

SucksToBeMe · 12/12/2011 10:17

Sorry but YABU and your husband is BR

Winkly · 12/12/2011 10:17

Your kids get him for 22 hours on Christmas Day. This poor 5 year old gets him for an hour. YABVVVVVVVU. Watch a dvd or go for a walk when he's out and hopefully your children will grow up to show more compassion to their half brother than you do.

TeapotAndBiscuitTin · 12/12/2011 10:17

Yabvvvvvu!

ladyintheradiator · 12/12/2011 10:17

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Akiram · 12/12/2011 10:17

Sorry but I think its perfectly reasonable and right that your DH sees his DS on Christmas day. You say that you and your DC have to wait 2 whole hours for him to return but surely you're not just sitting around waiting?
Is there any reason that your DSS couldn't come to yours for christmas day this year or spend a few hours at your house and then your DH could return him?

TheBreadstick · 12/12/2011 10:17

If you're not a 'T' word, then you're being V unreasonable.

My OH would LOVE to see his DD on Xmas day, but at the dictate of his ex, it's Boxing Day or nothing year after year. I think you need to grow up love.

aldiwhore · 12/12/2011 10:18

YABU

You need to plan the 2hrs without your OH, you need to be pushing him out the door to see his eldest son, you and your kids can surely find something to do? Christmas film?

You're nopt dealing with it very well to be honest.

Everlong · 12/12/2011 10:18

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ChildofIsis · 12/12/2011 10:19

You knew about the little boy when you met your dp so you bought into the situation, even if you didn't really understand the impact it would have on you.

Reverse the situation, how would you feel if your child only got one hour with his dad on xmas day?

AMumInScotland · 12/12/2011 10:19

YABU - he's 5, of course he wants to see his daddy on Christmas day.

Why did the rest of you sit around waiting for 2 hours? Are you incapable of doing anything fun without him? You should plan to spend some enjoyable time together, not sit making a point of being bored and "waiting" for him to come back.

Its only affecting your dd because you are making it into a situation of suffering.

bigTillyMincepie · 12/12/2011 10:19

If the boot was on the other foot and he was with his ex and you were on your own with your DC, would you be happy for him to not visit on Christmas Day?

And what about his 5yo son - maybe he would like to see his daddy on Christmas Day?

Your DH made a choice for whatever reasons to split with his ex, but he is still his son's daddy.

eurochick · 12/12/2011 10:19

YABVU. Youe OH has three children, not two. It's absolutely right that he should spend time with the 5 yr old on Xmas Day. Stop being so selfish.

StrandedUnderTheMisltoe · 12/12/2011 10:19

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happyhorse · 12/12/2011 10:19

YABVU.

Why were you sitting around for 2 hours waiting for him to come back? Were your kids not playing with their new toys? Could you find nothing to do to occupy that time? His DS is just as important as your children, who get to spend most of Christmas day with their father.

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