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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want my DH to see his other son on Chritmas day

195 replies

fabsi · 12/12/2011 10:11

My dh has a son from a previous relationship. He is 5 and i have a very good relationship with him. He stays over every Saturday and i absolutely adore him, as do our other two children, who are 4 and 2. The problem is, and i don't know if it's just me, but i hate my dh going to see his son on Christmas day. He has done for the last 4 years and i've dealt with it. Last year he asked his ex if he could drop the presents down Christmas eve and instead of coming over for the hour she wants him to, to open his presents with him, he would call him. She was not happy and insisted he came down, even if it's only for half an hour. Problem is, my kids are getting older now and we were sat around for nearly two whole hours waiting for him to come home so we could have some family time. This upset my dd and so angered me more and then the rest of the day was ruined. And so, i spoke to my dh last night and he said he'd rather upset his ex than me and so he will tell her he's not coming down. Problem is, this happened last year and she asks him why he can't come down and starts the emotional blackmail. Of course i can see it from her side too, she wants her son to have his daddy come down on Christmas day, but it's now starting to affect me and my dd and no doubt in years to come, my ds too. Advice please!

OP posts:
rabbitfeet · 12/12/2011 16:17

I wonder if the mother of the 4 and 2 year olds is his long-term partner and the mother of the 5 year old was the OW, so the 4/2 mother is threatened by W and it's her she doesn't want her H to see on Christmas rather than the child?

Not that it makes it ok but it could be that there is more to it than the OP is suggesting.

3rdOneComingUp · 12/12/2011 16:27

YABVU. I hope you take all this on board and let your DSS see his father.

pigletmania · 12/12/2011 16:36

YABVVVU, I mirror what everybody else has said on here. Your dh is as much dad to his other dc as he is to yours. Your DSS has a right to see HIS dad for an hour or two on Christmas Day, and if I was in your position, I would be totally understandable.

pigletmania · 12/12/2011 16:38

Oh right just read your previous posts, why did you not post as it was, with you being the ex with the 5 year old ds.

WhoWhoWhoWho · 12/12/2011 16:43

OP (i have seen your update that you are the 5 yr old's mum) - why isn't your DS spending any of his xmas time at his dad's house with his younger siblings?

And yes I do have a child and an ex myself, and yes he will be going to his dad's house on xmas day and sleeping over. It's not about the adults it's about the children at the end of the day.

3rdOneComingUp · 12/12/2011 16:50

God, i'm getting really fucked off with posters posting the opposite story. Screams 'game player' to me.

MustControlMincepieOfDeath · 12/12/2011 17:41

Screams 'immature twat' to me

JaneBirkin · 12/12/2011 17:45

and yet neither of you knows very much at all about the OP, so perhaps you ought to keep your lurid insults under wraps until you have established whether your supposition about the OP is correct.

baubleybobbityhat · 12/12/2011 17:53

What a vile thread!

soandsosmummy · 12/12/2011 18:29

Only managed to read the first page of responses but think OP has copped for a bit of a flaming.

She is being unreasonable not wanting her DSS to see his dad on Christmas day but I suspect that the feeling comes not from that but from the fact he's likely to be spending that time also with his ex. If this is the case, it is understandable why it makes the op uncomfortable

I never saw my dad on Christmas day from the age of 6 until now. Instead he used to spend a full day with us around Christmas which to be honest we much prefered to the idea of an hour of him looking endlessly at his watch

olibeansmummy · 12/12/2011 18:37

Now I can't work out if it's a reverse aibu or not Angry

But: the wife is BU for not wanting the child's dad to see him in Xmas day

And the ex is BU to not let the child go to his dad's for part of the day.

Tenebrist · 12/12/2011 18:43

"What a vile thread!"

I'd say it's more insanely stupid than vile. It's an interesting test of who actually reads through the thread before posting, though. Like one of those quizzes that gives you lots of instructions to do weird activities and put marks on paper, of which the first is 'read though carefully' and then right at the bottom comes 'ignore all the above instructions'.

MustControlMincepieOfDeath · 12/12/2011 18:50

Jane the OP has confirmed it's a reverse AIBU. What suppostion am I supposed to be establishing about the OP?

xPAULAx · 12/12/2011 18:53

You're the stepmum, you're the Mum... Did you post this thread just so you could show it to your ex's partner and say, ''SEE!!!!! You're a COW!!''

This thread is as straightforward as a roundabout.

baubleybobbityhat · 12/12/2011 18:56

The vast majority of posters do not read the whole thread, I find.

The thread is vile because even though the supposed op was bu, people were saying things like she was disgusting and needed a slap. I really do think it would be nice if people could rein in a bit with that sort of comment. The "op" could be just have been a little dim or unthinking. You could say "I disagree strongly with your position - have you thought about what the 5 year old would like on Christmas Day?" or something like that, not (and I quote) "you are utterly vile" etc.

MJinSparklyStockings · 12/12/2011 18:59

um why cant the child spend Christmas at his dads, why then does the child have to stay with his mum, perhaps it would be nice if he spent Christmas with his dad, SM and siblings?? Id be peed off if DH went to his ex wifes house when we are perfectly welcoming of having the DSCs here.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 12/12/2011 19:01

Please tell me this is a wind-up.

If not, you are a DISGRACE.

That poor child. Sad

MJinSparklyStockings · 12/12/2011 19:01

and I posted that before I realised it was a reverse AIBU

You know he has other children, how about yo get off your high horse and drop him to his dads to spend time there instead of being so bloody selfish

MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 12/12/2011 19:03

rabbit it says 'a child from a previous relationship'

GoingForGoalWeight · 12/12/2011 19:04

YABU

Very

Eglu · 12/12/2011 19:04

This kind of thread annoys me. Everyone slagged the sm for not wanting her dh to go see his other child, and then when it is the ex, eveeyone slags her for not letting her ds go and stay at his dads. People didn't suggest that when it was the sm.

MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 12/12/2011 19:06

Your kids have him all year round as well as Xmas day. 'D'SS comes once a fortnight, you say?

Don't try and challenge that wicked stepmother sterotype, will you? Confused

MyChildDoesntNeedSleepAtXmas · 12/12/2011 19:06

Once a week. Whatever.

runningwilde · 12/12/2011 19:11

Fabsi, now you have confessed to a reverse aibu you need to give us more facts and details.
Why did you split?
Do you have feelings for ex?
Why dont you let your boy spend a couple of hours at his dad's house and with his siblings on Xmas morning?
Yes she is being unreasonable but I suspect you probably are too- and you will lose support without giving us more facts

MJinSparklyStockings · 12/12/2011 19:15

I'll go one step further - if I was your exh and his wife op he wouldn't be getting presents from us to open in your house - he would be opening them, in his home with us, me, dh and his siblings - in our home which is also his.

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