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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is he? Making me feel uncomfortable.

202 replies

QuestionTime · 10/12/2011 17:53

A bit of context - I am 5 foot 3 and weigh about 9 stone 10, dress size 10/12.
Have always struggled with my dh making me feel fat. He has recently lost a lot of weight and if anything this has made it worse. Just things like him moving away from me if I am eating. Or just making little comments about me needing to eat all the time- I like breakfast lunch and dinner, he doesn't tend to eat until 3ish.
Anyway two things happened today. Lying in bed this morning stroking the cat who was lying on my chest. He kept taking pics of me on his phone as cos I was looking down and the camera was pointing up I had a huge double chin and looked minging! Anyway he kept showing me the pics over and over again even when I asked him to stop as it was upsetting me, saying "why, it's just what you look like."
Then I was cooking dinner at 5 and because I had been so busy I literally hadn't eaten anything yet and was starving!! It was just for me, but I cooked quite a lot - a big handful of pasta, a packet of bacon and 5 egg yolks for the carbonara (he didn't want any.)
I wasn't planning on eating all of the bacon anyway, but whilst I was cooking he went on and on incessantly about how much I was cooking. I kept asking him to stop and explaining that I hadn't eaten anything and I was hungry but he wouldn't.
About the zillionth time he ended with "and I bet you scoff a load of chocolates after as well."
At this point I lost pacience and said "oh fuck off" (I immediately apologised for swearing) and he stormed off.
He now says he will never comment on what I eat or cook again, but therefore I can never ask him how I look and he will never buy me any chocolate again.
Aibu or is he?
Thank you

OP posts:
Onemorning · 10/12/2011 17:56

YANBU. It sounds like he's so pleased with his weight loss that he's started judging you about your weight.

I had an ex boyfriend like that. Note the 'ex'. Good luck x

SolidGoldStockingFilla · 10/12/2011 17:56

He is. He is bullying you. It is your business how much you eat and how much you weigh. Dress size 10/12 is perfectly healthy and normal.
Mind you, has your H always been a bit of a prick, inclined to put you down and behaving as though he is your boss/owner rather than your equal partner? Or is it only since he lost a lot of weight. Because if he used to be nice and is only an arsehole on the subject of food, it's possible that he is developing or has developed some sort of eating disorder (starving till 3pm is not actually very healthy, being obsessed with being thin is not healthy).

MudAndGlitter · 10/12/2011 17:56

Why are you with him if he makes you feel crap and puts you down all the time?

MarianneM · 10/12/2011 17:57

He is HORRIBLE. YANBU.

If he wasn't your DH I would say get rid of.

squeakytoy · 10/12/2011 17:57

He sounds like a bit of a twat... well, quite a lot of a twat actually.

but really?

It was just for me, but I cooked quite a lot - a big handful of pasta, a packet of bacon and 5 egg yolks for the carbonara (he didn't want any.)

That is a fecking lot of food for one person...

OleaAndMarge · 10/12/2011 18:01

He is BU and very very rude with it too. He's obviously pleased with his own self control over weightloss (although not eating until 3pm is ridiculous). I had an ex like your DH, he would refuse to let me eat certain food, say I had fat legs/arms/stomach/whatever.

You had every right to tell him to shove it.

Shutupanddrive · 10/12/2011 18:02

'I immediately apologised for swearing'

I wouldn't have, he is a twat and owes you an apology

maddening · 10/12/2011 18:02

Sounds like he has food issues in the vein of eating disorderish

acquiesceforsuccess · 10/12/2011 18:02

you are not being unreasonable and will be happier without him

carabos · 10/12/2011 18:03

Agree with squeaky - that's a LOT of food for one person- I would feed my family of 3 grown men and me on that lot, minus three of the eggs Shock.

PlumpDogPillionaire · 10/12/2011 18:04

Ummm....
Have you tried to lose weight or said you think you're too fat, or was his losing weight as part of a health drive that you were going to do jointly?

Obviously he's trying to 'hint' that you're overweight, and you're not wanting to eat less ATM (and I don't blame you, who'd want to diet at this time of year?)

TBH it sounds as if he's hit a raw nerve because you actually agree with him.

Also, TBH, it can be very irritating when DPs let themselves 'go to seed', especially if you've made an effort not to.

What would you do if it was the other way around? Would you treat him in a similar way?

MarianneM · 10/12/2011 18:04

But what amazes me most of all is how can someone act like this towards the person they love?

PlumpDogPillionaire · 10/12/2011 18:06

Agree with others re. 5 egg yolks Shock

That's a hell of a lot of cholestrol in one go.
(Did you make meringues with the whites, btw? Wink )

Bunbaker · 10/12/2011 18:10

"It was just for me, but I cooked quite a lot - a big handful of pasta, a packet of bacon and 5 egg yolks for the carbonara (he didn't want any.)

That is a fecking lot of food for one person..."

Sorry, but I agree. I am 5'7" and weigh the same as you.

Although, I agree your husband is being unkind towards you.

TidyDancer · 10/12/2011 18:10

He's a bully and you shouldn't have apologised.

Wtf is up with people sometimes?

MrsBradleyJames · 10/12/2011 18:12

That's horrible abusive behaviour. You need to sort boundaries about this NOW, I wouldn't have five more minutes of a man treating me like that.
Taking that photo and going on that that's 'What you look like' is just so cruel.

MrsBradleyJames · 10/12/2011 18:14

plumpdog I don't think this has 'hit a raw nerve' at ALL! absolutely anyone would hate being treated this way. It SHOULD hit a 'raw nerve' because it's completely bastardish behaviour and is one partner treating the other terribly! Whether or not she ever wanted to or said she wanted to lose weight!

Teaandchristmascakeplease · 10/12/2011 18:15

Handful of pasta isn't much. But then it sounds like a lot of sauce to go with it with 5 egg yolks. But I know when I'm hungry I tend to go over board if I haven't eaten all day Xmas Wink Xmas Blush

He sounds like a twat. SGB is spot on with her post. Was he always like this?

I'm 5ft 5 and well over 12 stone right now Xmas Blush So quite frankly you sound perfect at 9 st 10 to me Xmas Envy But I know I need to diet without a shadow of a doubt and plan to after Christmas is over.

He sounds such a bully though and horrid. This line "He now says he will never comment on what I eat or cook again, but therefore I can never ask him how I look and he will never buy me any chocolate again." - really really makes him sound like a twat. But perhaps he was just angry or will he be true to his word and keep that up week after week to "punish" you.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 10/12/2011 18:16

He sounds horrible.

Can only assume he hasn't always been like this, else why on earth would you have said 'yes' when he asked you to marry him? Confused

missmalteser · 10/12/2011 18:17

The op is a size 10-12 how on earth is he dh in anyway justified in dropping hints about her weight, and we all have moments were are eyes are bigger then out belly, she didn't say she scoffed the lot!

missmalteser · 10/12/2011 18:18

'our' belly

alistron1 · 10/12/2011 18:19

God, he's a twat. YANBU.

Teaandchristmascakeplease · 10/12/2011 18:20

OK OK I know I'm going to sound completely mad now, but I just weighed a big handful of pasta, I have big hands too and it came out as 100g. The back of the packet here says 50-75g for a starter or 75g-100g for a main course. So to me it doesn't sound like a lot of pasta for your first meal of the day and being really hungry.

Maybe I have eating issues though??? Or I'm missing something.

Amateurish · 10/12/2011 18:25

A packet of bacon? As in 6 rashers? DH is being a knob, but he may have had a point about the quantities.

WhoopsyLa · 10/12/2011 18:25

If it was spaghetti then a big handull is a lot but shells or similar is not...BUT why do people like bunbaker and others keep being mean to the OP????Who gives a shit if she ate a bushel of pasta and a whole pig????

OP your "D" H is being hideous to you! It sounds like he has an eating disorder too.

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