Or is he? Making me feel uncomfortable.

[QuestionTime]

A bit of context - I am 5 foot 3 and weigh about 9 stone 10, dress size 10/12.
Have always struggled with my dh making me feel fat. He has recently lost a lot of weight and if anything this has made it worse. Just things like him moving away from me if I am eating. Or just making little comments about me needing to eat all the time- I like breakfast lunch and dinner, he doesn't tend to eat until 3ish.
Anyway two things happened today. Lying in bed this morning stroking the cat who was lying on my chest. He kept taking pics of me on his phone as cos I was looking down and the camera was pointing up I had a huge double chin and looked minging! Anyway he kept showing me the pics over and over again even when I asked him to stop as it was upsetting me, saying "why, it's just what you look like."
Then I was cooking dinner at 5 and because I had been so busy I literally hadn't eaten anything yet and was starving!! It was just for me, but I cooked quite a lot - a big handful of pasta, a packet of bacon and 5 egg yolks for the carbonara (he didn't want any.)
I wasn't planning on eating all of the bacon anyway, but whilst I was cooking he went on and on incessantly about how much I was cooking. I kept asking him to stop and explaining that I hadn't eaten anything and I was hungry but he wouldn't.
About the zillionth time he ended with "and I bet you scoff a load of chocolates after as well."
At this point I lost pacience and said "oh fuck off" (I immediately apologised for swearing) and he stormed off.
He now says he will never comment on what I eat or cook again, but therefore I can never ask him how I look and he will never buy me any chocolate again.
Aibu or is he?
Thank you

this is the kind of shit you'd get whilst being bullied in a schoolyard environment (and it would be acted on) not what anyone should live with in their own home from the person who is supposed to be their partner.

Exactly Santa

Vickity - I really don't think people are being overly harsh - going from your posts to this thread alone, it certainly comes across as if you have a skewed view of how a relationship should be...?

I cannot fathom why you would suggest effectively rewarding a person for being so deliberately awful. You're not suggesting the OP rebuke the behaviour, not even to brush it under the carpet. But to actually reward it.

Once again am made to feel so bloody grateful for my lovely DH.

He sounds a right bastard

incidentally vickity i've not been trying to make you feel like a twat but just to see and i hope you have seen. sorry if that sounds patronising but i believe you when you said you just didn't 'get' what was wrong with what you said. it might be worth reflecting on.

Not eating until 3pm is probably partly to blame for the mood swings. He clearly has issues around food and around the way he treats you.

As for you, as others have pointed out you have a healthy BMI. That was a big meal, too big for one person, but do you normally eat like that or is it a response to the awful bullying to which you are subjected? I would have a good long hard think about what exactly you are getting out of this relationship, if anything and maybe keep an eye on your food intake as well (speaking as someone who tends to eat whenever I feel strong emotions too!) Of course, the food monitoring by you would be for you and your health and not to pacify the twat challenging individual you live with.

My ex was like this. He started off with comments about how "fat" other people were, then started encouraging me to go to the gym for my health, before the comments started about my weight and how I needed to lose a few pounds and commenting on my portions. By the time it ended I was underweight, had no self esteem, and he was regulating my food by removing it when he thought I'd had enough. He was a bastard. Good for you telling your DH to fuck off OP! That is the least he deserves for making you feel like that.

Where is OP?

I used to make spaghetti carbonara from scratch and the quantities required to make the sauce are shocking! Best to eat it out and not know what is going into it imvho. Believe five egg yolks is about right.

Anyone who did to me what your dh is doing to you op would be dealt with swiftly and decisively and he would be left knowing exactly how little interest I had in HIS opinions on my weight and food consumption. Oh and I wouldn't have apologised for swearing either. He sounds thoroughly over excited at having lost a bit of weight, which is fine but not when it manifests itself as being competitive about it with his own wife. Not very attractive is it? And I would tell him that too.

You sound like someone with a weight problem, I would be the same to DH if he ate a packet of bacon and five egg yolks and he's six foot as I don't find either greed or fat attractive. I am carrying more wieght than ever and whilst I wouldn't want constant digging and nastiness I don't expect my DH to find me attractive. All this it's what's inside is just daytime TV crap, we all want to fancy our partners.

santa did you read the thread????

what IS superweird is that many of the posts attacking the OP for having a weight problem or being a pig are coming from people who say they themselves are overweight

the OP is not overweight and she is not a pig. someone with a healthy metabolism who has fucked their body up with compulsive dieting can afford to have a big meal now and then without it having an impact on their weight. they can sometimes eat very rich things, sometimes light things and do not have to be obsessive about everything they put in their mouth.

all the comments about food on here say far more about the people making those comments than i suspect they realise. there are some seriously fucked up attitudes to weight and eating on here to the point where people don't even notice the bullying but just zone in on the food and obsess about it.

who has not fucked their body up that should have read.

Jesus Christ, people really can't help themselves can they? Seems like your 'D'H is in good company OP. It's obviously ok to act like this

5 yolks for carbonara is not huge, also I'm sure a lot of couples cook enough just in case the other person did want some, I'm sure the OP would have had this in mind as she sounds like a nice person. If not, she'd save it for later. I really don't see the issue here, I cook a lot because we're a family of four and its always good to have leftovers in case you can't be bothered the next day.

She's 9st so it sounds like she's managing her weight very well, my best friend is a similar height and weight and it's perfectly healthy and also attractive. Being too skinny is not attractive.

What caught my attention is that she said her DH 'moves away' from her when she's eating. I find this quite nasty behaviour, not to mention immature? I'm sorry you're having to put up with this OP, I think the posters in the relationships section would be able to advise you better.

Yup well, now I know that what people have said about mn is true.

Op, I hope you get things sorted out however you find best. Sorry the thread has been taken over by various other attacks.

SHE IS A 10/12 SLIMMER THAN THE AVERAGE WOMAN!!!!!

I think the thing is, no matter whether it was on weight, food, or something different, if my DH carried on doing something after I had said "you are upsetting me, stop it," I'd be worried.

I think you sound a lovely size and shape OP! That's exactly what I was pre DD - now I'm 2 stone heavier :( x

oh do people say mn don't recommend women put up with bullying, nasty behaviour or recommend women being bullied buy sexy undies then???

fantastic.

benefit of the doubt gone.

there is an exit btw if you find mn so loathsome.

Op came on here for support about her bullying husband, and ended up also being bullied by a nasty minority of posters, some of whom clearly demonstrated that before laying into her they didn't even take the trouble to read her post properly. That's the saddest thing about this whole thread.

A large handful of pasta is not unreasonable for the main meal of the day.
5 egg yolks isn't out of the question for a carbonara.
She wasn't intending to eat the whole packet of bacon.
She's a healthy weight and size, not grossly overweight.
However, her husband is bullying her and attempting to control her.
He moves away from her when she's eating.
He constantly makes "little comments" when she's eating.
He takes unflattering photos of her and persists in waving them about and commenting on them even though he knows he's hurting her.
He's now stepping up his controlling behaviour by starting to administer "discipline":
"He now says he will never comment on what I eat or cook again, but therefore I can never ask him how I look and he will never buy me any chocolate again."

And all some here can do is pick over the ingredients for the meal and make comments that support his assertions about Op. That's just bloody disgraceful.

don't forget the frilly knickers and lose a few pounds advice lucyinthepie.

Santa, I couldn't even go there, didn't know where to start!
Poor Op.