Or is he? Making me feel uncomfortable.

[QuestionTime]

A bit of context - I am 5 foot 3 and weigh about 9 stone 10, dress size 10/12.
Have always struggled with my dh making me feel fat. He has recently lost a lot of weight and if anything this has made it worse. Just things like him moving away from me if I am eating. Or just making little comments about me needing to eat all the time- I like breakfast lunch and dinner, he doesn't tend to eat until 3ish.
Anyway two things happened today. Lying in bed this morning stroking the cat who was lying on my chest. He kept taking pics of me on his phone as cos I was looking down and the camera was pointing up I had a huge double chin and looked minging! Anyway he kept showing me the pics over and over again even when I asked him to stop as it was upsetting me, saying "why, it's just what you look like."
Then I was cooking dinner at 5 and because I had been so busy I literally hadn't eaten anything yet and was starving!! It was just for me, but I cooked quite a lot - a big handful of pasta, a packet of bacon and 5 egg yolks for the carbonara (he didn't want any.)
I wasn't planning on eating all of the bacon anyway, but whilst I was cooking he went on and on incessantly about how much I was cooking. I kept asking him to stop and explaining that I hadn't eaten anything and I was hungry but he wouldn't.
About the zillionth time he ended with "and I bet you scoff a load of chocolates after as well."
At this point I lost pacience and said "oh fuck off" (I immediately apologised for swearing) and he stormed off.
He now says he will never comment on what I eat or cook again, but therefore I can never ask him how I look and he will never buy me any chocolate again.
Aibu or is he?
Thank you

Fucking Hell! If anyone did to me what your D H did to you - they would get a LOT worse than fuck off. And I certainly wouldn't be apologising for telling them to fuck off either!

I am 5ft5, a size 14 on the bottom, and weigh 11st7.

I am only one clothes size bigger than normal - 5 egg yolks for a homemade carbonara is about the right quantity, as is a big handful of pasta.

OP - your husband is an abusive arse, and has some SERIOUS issues with food, and is trying to humiliate and control you through what you are eating. I would run, as far and fast as I could, from someone who was treating me like this!

(I know 11st7 is big for a size 14 - most people don't believe me when I tell then how much I weigh)

If I am in a size 12, I normally weigh roughly 11 stone dead on, to be in a size 10 I am around 10st7, and to be in a size 8 I would be around 10st dead on. Never gonna happen mostly because of my enormous norks.

Even my GP says that my norks 'artificially' raise my weight, I am normally in a 28'G', right now I am in a 32'J'.

i weigh more than usual at the minute at 11st hunty and i am in a size 10-12 so i do believe you. not that our weight/size is anyone's business or concern. nor is the op's.

He's BU. poor you. He is a nasty bully.

I am somehow amazed by the 5 egg yolks though, so if you'd cook carbonara for the 2 of you you'd use 10?!

Sorry, that's irrelevant, I always use one per person, so just interested from the cooking perspective.

The thread? Nope, I read the one post from the OP.

It doesn't matter how many egg yolks she used on this particular occasion. Sorry, but she's not asking recipe advice.

"5 egg yolks for a homemade carbonara is about the right quantity,"

Per person?

There are three of us. There is no way I would use 15 eggs to make a carbonara.

why does anyone on this thread feel the need to comment about what the OP is eating?

Soooo not the point! She can eat what she damn well likes, and if she'd eaten 2 kilos of chocolate for breakfast, it wouldn't make her twat of a husband's behaviour any more acceptable!

Posting your height and weight and how many eggs you use in a carbonara is completely irrelevant to the OP.

The issue is not what you eat or ate, OP. The issue is that you are with somebody who clearly isn't happy with you, to be with you or do normal couple things like eating together. He even moves away from you when you are eating. That is very strange... and sad.

You say that your DH has always been this way but was he that way before you married him too? It actually doesn't matter - he does this NOW, in this time and place and if you stay with him, you're accepting his treatment of you. There's no place for that to go but 'over'.

It shouldn't matter what size you are or what you eat - if somebody loves you, they may have a conversation or too with you out of worry - but to be so measured in their attacks, well, he doesn't care for you at all. Larger women than you have really devoted partners - so do smaller women. Your size is not the key point here.

Does he have somebody else in the wings? I wonder, because he's lost a lot of weight himself and instead of having a little sympathy at the weight-loss/shaping up task, he's chosen to become evangelical about it and upset you. He's consciously CHOOSING to do that, OP. If he had feelings for you, he wouldn't, he'd just keep quiet.

I'd work out a strategy for an exit myself, married/not married, makes no difference. You can't live like this.

"Soooo not the point! She can eat what she damn well likes, and if she'd eaten 2 kilos of chocolate for breakfast, it wouldn't make her twat of a husband's behaviour any more acceptable!"

You are right, and I agree the husband is a complete arse. From a recipe perspecrive that is an unusual amount of eggs per person, regardless of the shape and size of the people who will eat it.

Perspective
D'oh!

I am so pleased i read this thread, now i know the average amount of egg yolks posters use for carbonnara

OP i had similar behaviour from my DP over sleep. I am not lazy and had to tell him straight that if i am tired i sleep (i like to cat nap) and he doesn't comment on it. It took a few straight conversations.

Talk about this when you are both calm.

He sounds an awful bully really taking pictures of you ! he sounds like he has food ishoos not eating till 3 int he afternoon isnt healthy , id tell him to feck off and leave you alone hes being a knob

I agree with lyingwitch, I mean my DH is no angel but if he moved away from me while I was eating I'd ask him what his effing problem is!

Loving family/couples eat together as a normal, enjoyable, everyday experience; its one of life's pleasures.

Not only that, you're a bloody grown woman, cook whatever bloody well want and enjoy it. You shouldn't have an idiot standing over your shoulder criticising your every move.

never made a homemade carbonara sauce. who cares about that bit.

the most shocking thing and abusive nasty bit was him taking pics of you, whilst lying down. How many bloody people don't have a double chin when their chin is squashed down towards their neck.

yuck yuck yuck, what a total arsehole upsetting you like that. op he's horrible and very childish.

the photos bit is like something a bitchy 13yo would do isn't it? in a campaign of bullying against someone.

what kind of grown man does that to the woman he supposedly loves? he doesn't just sound mean he sounds infantile and stupid also.

so lets see:

bullying
spiteful
controlling
critical
childish
stupid
rude
deliberate (ie. doesn't stop when it is clearly explained his behaviour is hurtful)

what a catch.

OP hope you have set up another thread on relationships to talk about the real issues.

SecretSanta your post @ 8:38:33 is one of the saddest posts i have read here. Makes me wondering how many people are thinking and living the way you do

OP how are you today?

it doesnt matter how many eggs yolks she used, it doesnt matter if she finished her meal with a carton of cream, or a family size bar of chocolate, its no ones fucking buisness, first off, you dh is a total wank stain. so he likes to starve himself till 3pm does he, what an amazing human specimen, all human beings should strive to be like him. obviously! you actually NEED to eat during the day? what a pathetic human you must be!
he pushed and pushed and pushed till you snapped and then he made you into the bad guy, he is cruel and manipulitive.
second off, to th mn's who decided to be all judgy over what she chose to eat in that one meal that one day, i wonder how you would feel if someone scrutinised your food choices, ever polished off a whole packet of jaffa cakes? had more than 2 units of booze in a night? finished off the kids leftovers when you didnt need to? no, because based on the fact you wouldnt DREAM of using 5, FIVE!!!! oh the horror! eggs in a sauce, you are all paragons of virtue, and frankly no better than her scum sucker of a husband.

It's a bit weird the way everyone keeps going on about the fact that the OP isn't overweight... Because if she was it would be OK to bully her about it, I suppose... .

no it wouldn't be ok flower.

OP, is your husband the same one from this post? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1109237-Am-I-fat-DH-thinks-I-am?pg=1 He sounds like a knob, then and now!

Oh gosh QT - a year on and he's still the same or worse. Look back - read your old thread then have a good think about why you are staying and putting up with this. It takes A LOT of effort to leave a shitty relationship but it is SO so so worth it. I know. I really do. I hope you can get up the confidence to do the right thing for yourself.

oh god - he sounds like a closet homosexual justifying his lack of sexual interest in women by making out the problem is with you and your unattractiveness rather than just facing he is gay.

imagine being a homophobic homosexual? and imagine the poor woman married to him.

(but hey lets talk about egg yolks and how much bacon she should or shouldn't put in a carbonara )