to find it slightly depressing that 80% of the Christmas cards we've received are addressed...

[flowerytaleofNewYork]

.."Mr & Mrs [DH's initial] [DH's surname]"?

I probably am. It doesn't matter in the scheme of things, but really, it's 2011 and I am not an appendage of my DH. It wouldn't occur to me to address anything in that way.

It's not just older people, it's our age and younger as well.
They all know my name.
If they don't want to put both initials which I agree would be a mouthful, or an envelope full, they could just put The [Surname] Family, or Mr and Mrs [Surname].

Totally hypocritically, I did take DH's surname when we got married, but at least that actually is my name. At no point did I relinquish my first name as well.

Grrr.

yanbu

Most people when the get married use the mans surname let's not get feisty about what people should and shouldn't do ehh?
But OP you do have a point when it comes to not using your first name on a card.
Personally I always write to Jack and June etc if I know them.
If I don't know them i've not really got any business sending them a xmas card unless I want one back so that I can count my own in a competitive way :)

What exactly is wrong with "Laura Jones and Jacob Smith"?

Forget the bloody titles and treat people like the individuals they are, and all problems will be gone. And why does the man have to come first, by the way?

I can't fathom why it is so hard to find out the family name of one of the people you're addressing. If you were sending a card to two friends who happen to share a flat... wouldn't you write the names and family names of each one of them? Why is it so difficult with a married woman? Does she suddenly turn into a non-person?

aurynne if I was writing to someone I knew i'd just use their first names.

When people get married in this country the vast majority of people take the mans name and again the vast majority of women dont care or are indeed happy to have changed.

If both parents keep their own names?
What would the childrens last names be?

Have people to actually guess what peoples titles are to be before unintentionally offending them by asking them?

I avoid all of this angst by not mailing christmas cards, been years since I received a card as well. Good.

I would look at it and toss it in the recycling pretty much immediately. Waste of precious time, money and resources.

It is 50/50 here for correspondece to be addressed to either Mr & Mrs Dh's Last Name or Mr & Mrs Morloth's Last Name.

Neither of us give a shit.

I find not giving a shit a very efficient way of life.

That's the formal way to address a card to two people. I was taught it at school in the eighties. Doesn't bother me, receiving a card addressed to us both that way.

Correct ettiquet (ie traditional, old fashioned, how it'sbeen since victorian times or before) is

married couple
Mr and Mrs husband's initial, husband's surname

Widdow
Mrs husband's initial, husband's surname

Divorcee
Mrs wife's initial, husband's surname (assuming she is not using her own name)

I have my husband´s surname & it doesn´t bother me when joint mail is Mr & Mrs his initial, our surname.

His mum always sends my birthday card addressed to Mrs his initial our surname.

I thought that that was only "acceptable" for formal invitations.

Here in Germany mail to both of us is addressed:

Mr & Mrs
John Smith
Jane Smith

Yes, it's always annoyed me. It's not just the older generation that do it.

Diddl you don't even get birthday cards addressed to you personally?! Etiquette or not surely that's incorrect by anyone's standards?!

Reading this thread I do find it intriguing that so many still think in 2011 that a bunch of fusty old men at Debretts get to declare what's 'polite' 'correct' and 'normal'.

To couples I've always addressed the envelope with the first names - even my parents -

John & Jane Smith

or

Jane & John Smith

I think it´s just MIL being deliberately rude!

I blame the teachers in the nicest possible way - I was taught how to address and envelope at school- and the way I was taught is the way I have continued.

Op if you want to change the way an envelope is addressed then start at the at school and educate the pupils at school how you would like an envelope addressed

I am envious that people are actually receiving Christmas cards, and enough of them to even participate in the debate!

I have not had ONE card yet. And if I did, I would just be happy that somebody thought to send us a card, and not be miffed with how the card is addressed.

It is petty a luxury, to be miffed at how you are addressed on an envelope, by people you know actually care about you.

Hi Spermysextowel (I'm certainly not shortening that ). Yes l can see the logic when there's children involved and l know what a pita changing your surname is. Just irritates me/my DH in our particuliar set of circumstances - for example we went to a family wedding recently ( and she who shant be mentioned has same initial as me ) and guess who was about to plonk her arse in my seat next to DH because are names are now the same.

Put it this way - she'd ave been out of it a lot quicker ['ard emoticon]

From now on l will refer to you as 'Baroness SST' or 'Er Ladyship' if you like to compensate. I have visions of you wearing a tiara and mink stole and evening gown now as you type your posts

our names - grrr.

"I think it´s just MIL being deliberately rude!"

I think that with my MIL! She ALWAYS sends my birthday card to Mrs John Smith.

"I have not had ONE card yet."

Me neither.

I once sent a letter to my parents addressed Mr & Mrs [mum's initials] [their surname]. It didn't go down well. My dad was hurt

I had a beautifull double barrelled name - Only 5 people had it in the country (had been double barrelled for more than 50 years ;0)

i gave it up when i got married .....Worse decission i have ever had - DH said i could have kept it, every toyed with the idea of changing to mine I should of pushed harder ;(

Now i get post for Mr & MRS common as muck name hate hate hate :(

DD likes her name - she gets called early in the register ;)

QuintessentiallyFestive

"It is petty a luxury, to be miffed at how you are addressed on an envelope, by people you know actually care about you."

People who actually care about me refer to me by my own name - I can let it slip if someone's really old and stuck in their ways, but if someone of my own age would adress me as Mrs Husbandsfirstname Lastname I'm annoyed. I prefer Ms as a title as it is.

It's no less rude than for example the Torygraph or Mail consistently calling Miriam González Durántez "Mrs Clegg who prefers to be called Miriam González Durántez", totally ignoring that she has never changed her name.

Baroness Spermy ... has a ring to it

at Coffeedog 'Mr and Mrs 'Common as Muck name'

Brilliant - know any coffee soaked keyboard restorers btw.