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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to find it slightly depressing that 80% of the Christmas cards we've received are addressed...

225 replies

flowerytaleofNewYork · 07/12/2011 20:14

.."Mr & Mrs [DH's initial] [DH's surname]"?

I probably am. It doesn't matter in the scheme of things, but really, it's 2011 and I am not an appendage of my DH. It wouldn't occur to me to address anything in that way.

It's not just older people, it's our age and younger as well.
They all know my name.
If they don't want to put both initials which I agree would be a mouthful, or an envelope full, they could just put The [Surname] Family, or Mr and Mrs [Surname].

Totally hypocritically, I did take DH's surname when we got married, but at least that actually is my name. At no point did I relinquish my first name as well.

Grrr.

OP posts:
Iamjustthemilkmachine · 07/12/2011 20:42

My dh's family does the same, even though I didn't change my name at marriage!!! and even worse, his granddad sends him a cheque addressed only to dh, not me or ds included, now that's f*ing rude.

Yama · 07/12/2011 20:44

It is not correct.

It is not correct.

It is not correct.

Which law made it correct please?

I do not open anything not addressed to me. I am still MyName. I think only one relative still gets it WRONG.

DamnBamboo · 07/12/2011 20:44

Oh FFS, why should they be addressed that way? Feminine

I'm married.

Should I be addressed as Mr. DH initial Surname even though we don't share the same name?

Really?

Feminine · 07/12/2011 20:45

If you haven't changed your name ,then fine.

If you have then Damn you should expect it.

Not much is done properly these days ...I like it ~old fashioned girl that I am!

DamnBamboo · 07/12/2011 20:46

Wonky

I'm with you.

We have lots of tiny cards in tiny scrawl for my 3 DSs. We look so damn popular Grin

TheOriginalFAB · 07/12/2011 20:46

YABU. It is just a way of writing an envelope. Do you really want people to write Mr X and Mrs Y Surname on every envelope they write? Does that missing initial really matter in the great scheme of things?

NinkyNonker · 07/12/2011 20:46

What an odd thing to do Angel, legally I am Mrs. N. N'sDH'sname now...why would you not address me by my name? I would always make the effort to make sure I addressed others as they wanted to be addressed, it is rude to do otherwise.

Feminine · 07/12/2011 20:47

damn do you have smoke coming off your keyboard?

Its sounding like you do a bit :)

Kayano · 07/12/2011 20:47

Why is it rude to send his relative a cheque but not write both names on in :S presumably it's going to a joint account....

And if he had addresses the cheque to both of you and you DID NOT have
A joint account... Could you even cash it? Surely that would have been more
Presumptuous?

DamnBamboo · 07/12/2011 20:47

I haven't taken his name Feminine

And even if I had, then NO, I shouldn't expect it.

I didn't morph into a Mrs. him.

I married someone and retained my own name.

Why is this difficult to grasp?

DamnBamboo · 07/12/2011 20:49

Feminine

Grin

Yes, I am fuming

I can accept the whole 'it's traditional' thing although it still galls me.

But to say it's correct...

cardibach · 07/12/2011 20:49

It is 'correct' in being the traditional, accepted way of doing things, not because of some law! If you don't like it, tell people and they might do it differently. I'm 47 and I do it. When I was married I had no problem with envelopes addressed like that: if I was personally addressed in speech by his name, perhaps, but on an emvelope? It's shorthand, it saves time, it's clear. It is not an anti-feminist slight. And I say that as a card carrying lefty feminist type.

Feminine · 07/12/2011 20:49

I guess damn because I am so comfortable in my own skin.

I don't mind what crops up on my Christmas cards!

Its not difficult to grasp why you hold your opinion -fair play ...I just don't agree.

CupOfGoodCheer · 07/12/2011 20:49

It's correct exactly because etiquette says it is correct!

Whether that makes it right or not is another argument discussion

I personally wouldn't give a fuck, because I don't see a hidden put-down in the way an envelope is addressed.

angeltulips · 07/12/2011 20:50

For those who are complaining about how difficult to remember/complicated to write anything other than DH's initial, I ask you this:

How hard is it to write "mrs & Mrs a & b [name]"?

(obv this is hypothetical for me as I didn't take DH's name)

And I too give the elderly on this one - it's contemporaries that p me off

Kayano · 07/12/2011 20:50

We are grasping it...

We just don't care as much as you Wink

shesparkles · 07/12/2011 20:51

I wish I had so little to think about in my life to let this kind of thing bother me!

Rollergirl1 · 07/12/2011 20:51

I thought you were going to say that your DC's get more christmas cards than you do!

I address my envelopes like this on xmas cards, mainly out of ease. If I know a couple where the wife has kept her own name then I won't. But quite frankly, I couldn't give a rats arse if people are offended or not. It's an envelope fgs, used as a means to getting something through the postal service to you. It ends up in the bin. Alternatively I could just not send a card at all...

Feminine · 07/12/2011 20:51

damn you have made me Grin though.

Oh, and for whats its worth I actually don't do it ...guess thats a bit strange Confused

Crosshair · 07/12/2011 20:51

If you took his name I think its slighly unreasonable to be annoyed that someone didnt goto the trouble to use your initial as well as his on the envelope. I mean its Christmas and someone went to the trouble to at least write and send you a card. Xmas Confused

Kayano · 07/12/2011 20:52

Angel.

But what if the Mrs is a Dr?
Or has expressed a desire
To be a Ms?

What if you just
Forget after writing a hundred Xmas cards?

There are worse things to be 'getting depressed' about

DamnBamboo · 07/12/2011 20:53

cardibach tradition isn't correct.

How far back do you want to go.

Ooh, I know. Women traditionally never voted, or went to university... there's a few to start you off.

Feminine I'm comfortable in my own skin too, but I fail to see that a huge number of a whole thread of women feel it's ok to be referred to as Mr DH name, Surname and in fact agree that it is the correct way.

Words actually fail me.

CupOfGoodCheer · 07/12/2011 20:54

FFS what a ridiculous argument. Who fucking cares?

DamnBamboo · 07/12/2011 20:54

As I said earlier, I have received cards this way and what of it.

But for people to firmly say 'it's correct, it's the way it should be done' etc..

I mean, WTF

Original poster
flowerytaleofNewYork · 07/12/2011 20:54

Yes obviously it doesn't really matter in the scheme of things, and yes I have plenty else to worry about, and world peace, famine etc are of course more important, but I don't think IABU to start a thread about something trivial.

I don't feel personally slighted, just surprised it's still seen as being correct by so many younger people and confused as to how it's 'easier' than just putting The [surname] Family or Mr and Mrs [Surname].

OP posts:
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