AIBU to "compromise" DH's medical care for less stress on me.

[kitty4paws]

Dh has quite profound MH issues and this has meant that I am bascially a single parent to our 4 dcs, run our business ( as best I can), sort out all DH's medical appointments / benefits and do EVERYTHING at home ( except hoovering / unloading dishwasher, DH does that but that is ALL he does)

Now he needs to see a therapist 3 times a week and the one that has been reccomended is 6 miles away.

the times the therapist has free do not fit in with the local bus times.

Soooooo Dh would have to have our van ( our only vehicle) 3 times a week.

I just feel that its one more thing that I have to organise ( and it will be me) DH seems to think that we can "borrow" a car from my relatives yep right , 3 days a week for at least 6 months.

ALso when I am working I HAVE to have the van to transport all our kit.

There is another therapist within walking distance who can also offer the same service and though not the first choice of DH's phsycaiatrist would be " a safe pair of hands"

I feel that if DH is the one who has to get himself to the appointments then he will "own" his treatment ?? IYSWIM

I just feel that I would be tied for 3 days a week without transport in the afternoons and afterall its me who does all the runnign round sorting out meetings , shopping , collecting kids etc

Part of me thinks wellthere might be an even better therapist 25 miles away and an even better one 40 miles away but how far , in terms of cost / inconvenience, do we as a family go to accomodate DH's medical care.

I sound like a heatless b*h but I have given up soooo much to his illness I feel like I am now having to give up what little "freedom" I have ( e.g. able to go and see friends when I needed to let off steam etc)

What would you do ???

I've come very late to the thread, but just want to say: Kitty, absolutely you should try the local therapist. They may well suit your dh better than the further off one, anyway. And it is VITAL that you consider the whole family's needs, including your own, and pace yourself for the long haul.

Of course you should go with the nearer one! If your partner can't get to the 6 miles away one, he just can't. And really, it would be the same if it was cancer- if someone lives near a hospital, they can't just pick to go to a hospital outside their area if they feel like it might be better! (Have had several relatives with cancer- they all went to their local hospitals because that is what is available, and it has to be good enough, the same with friends who have CFS and similar, they go to their own GP and the local consultant, they can't just hop on a train and go to whoever they like!). I really hope things get better for you, it sounds horrendous and must be almost impossibly stressful.