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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why if parents are so busy and stressed and "non stop"....

344 replies

minxofmancunia · 04/12/2011 19:50

they then go on to have more children??

expecting to be flamed but read stuff on here all the time ie "eldest 2 are driving me mad, youngest being so clingy and I'm pg with dc 4"

And other similar stuff, why do it if it's so terrible?? I'm not saying don't have a moan now and again, I have 2 and have found it so exceptionally stressful and exhausting I would never have another....

but tbh some people just seem to keep producing then being all martyrish about it, fwiw I think to have more than 3 you need to be an exceptional person with a high level of stress tolerance....and a fair amount of money.

OP posts:
altinkum · 04/12/2011 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EricNorthmansMistress · 04/12/2011 19:53

YANBU

molly3478 · 04/12/2011 19:54

One day can be stressful but imo its rare to wake up the next day and still be stressed about whatever it was.

verytellytubby · 04/12/2011 19:56

DH wants number 4. I told him my womb is closed as I find 3 stressful enough.

NormanTebbit · 04/12/2011 19:57

I think the more children you have, the more of a roller coaster it is. DP and I find having three exhausting and expensive and we do moan about it. But having three is also brilliant fun ( sometimes)

grumplestilskin · 04/12/2011 19:57

YANBU if you're talking about the people who are ALWAYS moaning about "the kids", usually on front of said poor children

Mishy1234 · 04/12/2011 19:59

I think I'm going to lose my mind some days and that is enough to put me off having any more (have 2 DS's).

I do suspect that if I could leave a larger gap (until youngest is around 4/5) then I would have more, but I think another smallish age gap would finish me off. At 41 I'm just about clinging on and no more. They are marvellous though and I wouldn't change a thing (just couldn't cope with any more).

RedHotSanta · 04/12/2011 20:05

I know where you're coming from.

I get broody moments about having no.3, but just couldn't do it. I am far too busy and stressed as it is, although I of course love my two to bits.

What gets me is people moaning about how they really want to work and have a career but can't afford to as they have 4 or 5 DCs. Well, obviously not! Do people not think about these things in advance??

LaurieFairyCake · 04/12/2011 20:06

I don't understand why anyone has more than one Confused

One's enough work. Children aren't that great Grin

Callipo · 04/12/2011 20:08

Cos then they can have a lovely calm year off stressful work, tee hee.Xmas Wink

MollieO · 04/12/2011 20:09

YANBU. I thought one was plenty enough stress Xmas Smile

Mandy2003 · 04/12/2011 20:11

One is enough for me too. Seeing how DS's personality developed up to the age of 2 I realised he would be totally freaked out by a sibling so we never. I am an only child, ex-P has older brother and younger half sister. Having more DC was not something he ever suggested.

EricNorthmansMistress · 04/12/2011 20:12

I'm struggling with my lack of desire for a DC2 at the moment, I feel guilty not giving DS a sibling. But another child would make my life more complicated and stressful than I care for. Fine to have lots if you are on a position to manage it all, time, space, money, support- great. But if those pieces aren't on place- you are just making life harder for yourself!

TheBolter · 04/12/2011 20:21

YANBU, two are enough for me. Taking the decision to stop at two was quite heartbreaking but ultimately I know my, and dh's limits. I think that by the time you've had two you should know what you're letting yourself in for.

Obviously there are those that have conceived accidentally so there are exceptions!

NatashaBee · 04/12/2011 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

verytellytubby · 04/12/2011 20:23

Like my twins. Had DD then an accident which was twins Grin

SolidGoldVampireBat · 04/12/2011 20:23

I believe that some people think that the more you have, the more the older ones can take the younger ones off your hands.
I've only got the one and will not have any more, so I wouldn't know.

ChablisLover · 04/12/2011 20:27

Yanbu - one was enough for me. Dh wants another one but it would be too much for me. I had Pnd after ds and I don't think I could cope with 2. 1 is enough

Hardgoing · 04/12/2011 20:32

SGVB- I think the opposite is true of some of my friends, they know the baby and toddler stage is hell, so try to cram it all into the shortest time-frame possible, to get the disturbed nights and screaming days all over and done with. This does mean they tend to get exhausted, it's exhaustion that's stopped me having no. 3, I simply couldn't have coped so soon after no.2 and the window is closing really, now I'm a bit better rested!

Serenitysutton · 04/12/2011 20:33

I know what you mean. But stressed and busy is subjective and everyone has different levels of what they can handle in their lives, and for some people that's very little- or, just as likely- they just like to whinge and feel hard done by. They probably don't consider how inadequete they come across as.

Obv small children are stressful but I'm talking about a special kind of parent who whinges constantly about how hard life is. Espcially those couples who appear to have quite few worries aside from the actual child rearing.

tigerlillyd02 · 04/12/2011 20:33

I find one very easy, and therefore would love another. It might never happen. However, I doubt very much I'd have more than 2 though - I know my limits!

People should know their limits imo and stick to them. I understand 'accidents' can occasionally happen, but to plan for another when you're already snowed under - I fail to see the point.

molly3478 · 04/12/2011 20:33

The baby and toddler stage will only be hell if you cram them all in though. If you space them 3/4 years in between then its fun and more laidback

Bossybritches22 · 04/12/2011 20:34

Thing is Minx we all find our children stressful at some time or other, occasionally all the bloody time in bad phases!

So MN being the caring, sharing, place it is Xmas Grin we come on here to vent & moan about motherhood/the DC's/DH/DP/MIL/boss/the state of finances/knicker drawers.

We never (rarely?) post about the good bits as that would be just too boasty & nauseating.

Just MHO....

NinkyNonker · 04/12/2011 20:37

Some say otherwise Molly. Many friends have had small age gaps in order to have children at roughly the same stages, meaning the sleepless nights and nappies stage is done and dusted sooner.

JustifiedAncientOfMuMu · 04/12/2011 20:38

I've been thinking exactly the same as you OP.

Also think that if you're not coping well with the children you have it's just not fair on THEM to have another. At least not until your existing children have grown up a bit and you've got a handle on things (speaking as eldest of 4 siblings born within 5 years with massive chip on shoulder Grin ).