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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wonder why if parents are so busy and stressed and "non stop"....

344 replies

minxofmancunia · 04/12/2011 19:50

they then go on to have more children??

expecting to be flamed but read stuff on here all the time ie "eldest 2 are driving me mad, youngest being so clingy and I'm pg with dc 4"

And other similar stuff, why do it if it's so terrible?? I'm not saying don't have a moan now and again, I have 2 and have found it so exceptionally stressful and exhausting I would never have another....

but tbh some people just seem to keep producing then being all martyrish about it, fwiw I think to have more than 3 you need to be an exceptional person with a high level of stress tolerance....and a fair amount of money.

OP posts:
Original poster
minxofmancunia · 04/12/2011 22:23

I actually said in the OP that it wasn't about people just having a moan as we all do that....God knows I've done it after a shit day with my 2. But THAT'S THE REASON I'M STOPPING AT 2!!!!!!

some people just go on and on about how grim their lives are with all these kids as if it's just something that's happened to them which they had no control over. Hmm

OP posts:
lockets · 04/12/2011 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
minxofmancunia · 04/12/2011 22:25

I think mn is a great place to ventilate and get support, esp on the relationship threads....and I'm not saying don't do that but to carry on having more kids when it's clearly so stressful for you...that's a decision I just don't get.

OP posts:
IneedAChristmasNickname · 04/12/2011 22:28

If it's not about people having a moan, what is it about?
And good for you deciding to stop at 2! My 2 drive me mad at times, I have a good old moan, but would still have another!

EauDeLaPoisson · 04/12/2011 22:28

I dont have time for people who whine about how stressful their life is when its their own doing. The more kids you have undoubedtly effects how difficult/stressful life is thats clear. Its like people who whine about how skint they are after wasting money left right and centre on crap.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 04/12/2011 22:29

OP does that mean you should have stopped at 1 then?

Serenitysutton · 04/12/2011 22:33

My sil, for example, seems totally unable to cope with babies and spent the first 3 years of DN life whinging about how hard motherhood was. When you (even now) ask her house she is, there is only ever one answer - running around, busy, rushed off my feet- this is a sahm of one child (2 v recently though) with no hobbies or commitments except caring for her daughter.

They had another, and I think that's fine- she doesn't want an only child so I would never expect her to stop at one just because she finds it so hard- but I do wish she'd shut the fuck up whinging and just bloody get on with it- she seems so bloody dull and negative all the time.
She was a lazy cow before children though.

KittyFane · 04/12/2011 22:34

If you dont want lots of kids please dont have them. Equally please dont make a sodding virtue of it. You didnt have lots because you didnt want them. Not because you are clever and sensible or care more about the planet or something.

Well you could say...
If you want lots of kids please get on with it. Equally please don't make a sodding virtue of it. You have lots because you wanted them. So stop moaning.

This isn't directed at you mresdevere- just the other side of the coin so to speak.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 04/12/2011 22:37

Moaning about kids isnt making a virtue out of it though is it?

If someone was to say 'I have had loads of kids out of a wish to help repopulate the planet' that would be making a virtue out of it. I would be as equally Hmm about that. They had lots of kids because they wanted them - end of.

Moaning is just moaning. Something that people with one child do quite a bit of.

lockets · 04/12/2011 22:39

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lockets · 04/12/2011 22:39

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GypsyMoth · 04/12/2011 22:41

Yes, where are these threads?!

Perhaps you should really have stopped at one op?

KittyFane · 04/12/2011 22:44

I get what you're saying MrsDeV.
I am thinking of a 'friend' who finds every reason to tell me how much easier my life is with one compared to her.
I get a lot of "well you've only got one to pay for" (theatre, cinema, days out) and "it's so much easier to arrange when you have just one (babysitters, childcare, clubs).
All true but she CHOSE to have more than one!!!

minxofmancunia · 04/12/2011 22:46

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FabbyChic · 04/12/2011 22:47

Parenthood is easy. Its just the way you manage your life that seems to be hard for some.

Moominsarescary · 04/12/2011 22:48

Where are all these threads ? I cant say that I've noticed them.
I have 3, it should be 4 but I lost ds4 in September at 20 weeks.

I don't think I moan anymore than someone with just two, actually probably less than some. I can't say having 3 is harder than 2, not yet anyway but there are 8 years between each of mine so that might be the reason.

There would have been 10 months between ds3 and ds4 and I was realy looking fwd too the small age gap. However difficult.

Also you won't find me on her moaning about dp because he is a fantastic dad and a fantastic partner which realy makes a difference

lockets · 04/12/2011 22:51

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cory · 04/12/2011 22:51

Do we know that the people who moan about their 4 children wouldn't do exactly the same amount of moaning if they had stopped at 2? And do we have any actual evidence that they moan more than the people like me who did stop at 2? ANd if not- where is the difference?

My own RL experience has been that the women who went on to have 3 or 4 children often seemed more cheerful and resourceful than the rest. Perhaps because they did know their limitations- and those limitations were...less limited than mine.

JustifiedAncientOfMuMu · 04/12/2011 22:54

Some people are getting very defensive on this thread, unnecessarily so.

I don't think the OP is criticising all people with large families. Or even those who moan from time to time.

Of course people have large families and cope admirably, often better than those with just one or two children.

She's just questioning those who post on here who are clearly struggling / out of their depth but go on to have more children. I have read a few recently. That's all. It's nothing personal to all those with large families and are doing just fine.

lockets · 04/12/2011 23:02

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GypsyMoth · 04/12/2011 23:03

Yes lockers, I also did a search....

Bogeyface · 04/12/2011 23:05

I have 6 and and each time we decided to TTC again its because we were in a good place and things were great for a new baby. Of course it takes, at a bare minimum, 9 months and usually longer! A year in the life of a small child is a whole personality change! So thats why it can come as a shock when it is harder than anticipated. I learnt that lesson with number 3, so now my standards are shockingly low and I dont let things, such as people slagging me off for having a big family, get to me! :)

Moominsarescary · 04/12/2011 23:06

Well at a quick count of the threads up to this one 7 are complaining about their partners and only one person is complaining about having a rough day with her children. So maybe in that case we should all know our limitations and not have partners?

Original poster
minxofmancunia · 04/12/2011 23:07

lockets you're bonkers...you go ahead searching threads and reading all the posts contained therein, have a fun evening Hmm.

A few posters on this thread have said the same as me, that they've noticed it too.

OP posts:
lockets · 04/12/2011 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.