to wonder why if parents are so busy and stressed and "non stop"....

[minxofmancunia]

they then go on to have more children??

expecting to be flamed but read stuff on here all the time ie "eldest 2 are driving me mad, youngest being so clingy and I'm pg with dc 4"

And other similar stuff, why do it if it's so terrible?? I'm not saying don't have a moan now and again, I have 2 and have found it so exceptionally stressful and exhausting I would never have another....

but tbh some people just seem to keep producing then being all martyrish about it, fwiw I think to have more than 3 you need to be an exceptional person with a high level of stress tolerance....and a fair amount of money.

I dont think it should all be hard at all. There should be a lot more fun enjoyable moments thn hard monents imo. Obviously there are stressful days now and again but I dont think it shouldbe the norm.

Having a teenager is the only thing I found realy hard, no amount of organisation helps against all those hormones

Ha! Yes, It always makes me laugh when people say "oh it will be great to have four or five all close together so they can be playmates.
Yes, it will, but you will also have 5 teenagers on your hands AT THE SAME TIME! That put years on my mum I can tell you!

How old are your children LeQueen?

I moaned about how hard it was with DC1 (who is autistic) but I stlll wanted (and went on to have) more children. Just because you are having a bad day, week or even month doesn't mean you shouldn't have any more children, surely?

If you are permanently, severely stretched with energy, time or money, then obviously it would be wise not to add to your family.

I also think it is so pointless and smug to say that being a parent should be easy if you are doing it properly. Bollocks!

LeQueen, I asked because I found myself in a similar position to you (albeit with a few more children). I found that between 4 and 9-11 everything got somewhat easier and settled. The children were well behaved. Entering teens and secondary school things began to change and there were more challenging episodes with a couple of them.

For you, maybe your work is all done but from personal experience I would be wary of saying things that might come back and bite you (I've btdt ).

Ah, well if your children come from "easy-going teenager" stock, then you have hope:) However......it only takes one

:o

"I believe that some people think that the more you have, the more the older ones can take the younger ones off your hands."

I know a couple of older siblings who really resented being expected to babysit. No-one asked them if they wanted a younger sibling.

minxofmancunia I agree with you. I don't judge anyone for the size of family they choose to have, but I do lose patience with women with lots of children who constantly bemoan their lot. I realise that life is full of ups and downs and everyone has a right to let off steam about their families, but "It's OK for you because you only have one child" wouldn't wash with me. No-one in 21st century Britain has to have loads and loads of children if they don't want to.

My mum was reminiscing about families in Ballymurphy, NI in the 70s when I was worrying about age gaps number etc. She said "Eight was considered a small number and you'd only usually stopped because your husband was interned. By the time he was released you were past it! Better than birth control." Then she shrieked with laughter. I think she thought she was putting things in perspective .

Absolutely agree that you can make a big family easy work with some hard and fast rules early on. I had that and not for one moment do I feel hard done by or resent looking after my lovely younger brother and sisters.

One thing I never do is expect the older ones to look after the younger ones. they will be asked to do things such as get the younger ones a drink if they are getting one themselves but thats it. They do babysit occasionally but they get paid for it, so are happy to do it!

The way I see it, I chose to have 6 children so it is my job to look after them,. Thats why I thoroughly disapprove of the Duggars and their "buddy" system which basically means they hand over responsibility of the baby to an older sister when the breast feeding has finished. If they cant look after them then they shouldnt have had that many. I think number 20 is on the way, and its just wrong :(

"and not for one moment do I feel hard done by or resent looking after my lovely younger brother and sisters"
That is such a lovely thing to say, winnipig