to wonder why if parents are so busy and stressed and "non stop"....

[minxofmancunia]

they then go on to have more children??

expecting to be flamed but read stuff on here all the time ie "eldest 2 are driving me mad, youngest being so clingy and I'm pg with dc 4"

And other similar stuff, why do it if it's so terrible?? I'm not saying don't have a moan now and again, I have 2 and have found it so exceptionally stressful and exhausting I would never have another....

but tbh some people just seem to keep producing then being all martyrish about it, fwiw I think to have more than 3 you need to be an exceptional person with a high level of stress tolerance....and a fair amount of money.

I think that the tyrant thing comes from the fact that you dont have to scream or shout or negotiate. Table manners for example are not considered a huge achievement in my house, they are considered normal. And thats because I made my expectations clear from day one and not just from them but from me too. I dont expect them to behave at table and then behave like an animal myself, I teach by example.

But some people assume that a compliant child must be bullied or harangued into a certain type of behaviour and that isnt the case. And yes, sometimes you do have to be the bad guy but it comes from a loving standpoint. If I didnt love my children then I wouldnt care how they behaved because I wouldnt want to spend time with them. If I didnt love them then I wouldnt care about their future relationships. If I didnt love them then I wouldnt teach them that you dont always get your own way!

I hope I'm not the inspiration for this thread . I was writing on Friday about how I have a 3 year old DD and an almost 2 year old DS and was struggling to cope. AND I'm pregnant with DC3. How dare I? I'm sorry my decision to procreate further causes you to judge me so negatively OP. All these judgeypants walking around. Have a [judgeypant wedgy emoticon].

I was struggling last week, my DD was pushing boundaries like a 3 year old does and my DS was (as it turns out) feeling a bit poorly and needing constant attention. My normal energy reserves were pretty low and my normally good stores of patience were at empty.

I turned to mumsnet and got some really great support. I took a morning off on the weekend and I feel great again. Pregnancy is exhausting. It's only 9 months though. Then a further year of tiredness and looking after a baby and we'll be through the tiredness stage and I've got a whole lifetime to look forward to with my DCs. Not too big age gaps so the eldest and youngest don't have to compromise too much when it comes to family activities.

Don't judge so harshly. Sometimes people have bad days and need some support.

We dont really do debates do we LeQ? Just extended periods of agreeing with each other! :o

On the one hand I think YANBU, but on the other hand I think most people realise the hard bits of parenting are not permanent or all the time and that it does get easier...

Oh Flipped :(

I can sympathise, I am rubbish at pregnancy. And as I and many others have said, having a bad day with more than 2 children doesnt mean you brought it on yourself. You are just as entitled to moan about being tired and pissed off as anyone else.

As you said, its a relatively small amount of time compared to the rest of your life. Thats what got me through my last pg!

OP, YANBU - and I say that as someone with 3, who does find it exhausting. Why did I have another? Um...accidents do happen. Love him to bits, and believe that things are meant to be.

But I supect accidents happening is part of your answer.

Thanks Bogeyface. I'm really excited about it. Its the hormones that drive me nuts. Crying one minute, stressed the next. Then a couple of days pass and I wonder what all the fuss was about. Only another 5 months to go!

Flipped, when I had my youngest (and last) child, the discussions pre-TTC werent about coping with another child, they were about whether I could cope with another pg. It is bloody hard work!

I would happlily have 10 children, but there is no way on this earth I could go through another 4 pregnancies.

The OPs comment about "and I am pg with number 4" or whatever she said, actually answers her own Q. Having kids is a breeze but being pg isnt always very easy and if a mother of 5 is complaining about tiredness then 99% of the time it is the pg that is to blame, not the kids.

Being pregnant with one wasn't so bad but pregnant with 2 is a completely different matter! Completely underestimated it. Wow, 6 DCs. Maybe if I were younger and could have a surrogate

I agree, I have all sorts of problems when pg which means I might not ever have the dc4 that we have always wanted. If you have no other pg related problems it can be physically and emotionally draining even if you have no other children, but it is only 9 months (or around 7 in my case!)

sniggers. But what would you know OP you have 2?

YABU, did you ever find having 1 hardwork, overwhelming, tired etc? (obviously op thinks yes sweet I bloody did now you mention it) WHY DID YOU HAVE ANOTHER? shakes head.

I feel quite defensive of the fact you are having a dig at families of 5/6. I have 3 currently

I think I'll stick to one more bio child and then adopt a few from foster care. That's always been the "plan" , more or less. I don't want to do pregnancy too many more times either!

Ooooh, you two are like a secret society! :o

Actually we did, its one of my favourite t'other place moments, but it was many years ago!

"Why dont people buy the absolute best for their children?" as I recall :o

But it was only the once :)

CY it was a bit, but only cos hardly anyone else went there :o

It depends on whether they are saying they are finding it tough to cope/just having a bad day, or whether they are blaming the kids for being noisy/clingy/difficult/etc. Saying you are having a bad day/week/month is ok, saying it's the kids' fault is not ok. Kids are supposed to be clingy/noisy/fight with each other, that's what kids do. Otherwise they'd be adults.

CY I ended up as admin, thats how bad the crab bucket was! :o

LeQ it was one of those "everyone who doesnt spend money doesnt love their kids v you dont need money to be a good parent" jobs. I think we did actually have the same point but came at it from both ends of the spectrum. It was a long time ago, I know that yours were teeny and so were my youngest!

Being a parent is hard ( if your doing it properly)

I disagree. Being a parent is relatively easy and an overall enjoyable experience if you're doing it properly!

tutt, easy was supposed to be in italics, not strikethrough.

I do think some pople are naturally better with children than others so its means things dont stress them out so much and they can cope with larger numbers of kids. A lot of the time though that depends on personality of parent.

However in RL there are also a lot of people that cant/struggle to cope are ones with additional stuatios eg pnd, special needs etc. Things like that are unpredctable and you see a lot of posts of it on here.

I disagree with tigerlilly. Being a parent is hard even if you are doing it properly; a bit smug and patronsising to suggest otherwise.
There are obviously a ton of inadequate mums and dads out there. I don't always parent to the best of my abilities; sometimes I'm pretty good at it but I find it ALL hard. But then I am single.