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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's odd and sad for children to call their parents by their first names?

243 replies

madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 22:34

One of my friends has always called her mum by her first name, not 'mum'. And her brother's DCs call him and his wife by their first names too.

I think this is a real shame. Whenever I'm with them and I see the little boy tugging on his dad's sleeve and saying 'Jeff! Jeff!'* to get his dad's attention, I just feel there's something wrong with that picture.

Not sure how you can be a parent and not want to hear your children call you 'mum' or 'dad'.

What do other people think about this?

*not his real name, obviously.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 02/12/2011 22:36

I agree totally, it does sound so odd.

One of the loveliest things I've ever heard is my boys calling me Mum Smile

Even if they don't friggin stop Angry Grin

squeakytoy · 02/12/2011 22:37

I think it is horrible, and yes, quite sad too. :(

mistressploppy · 02/12/2011 22:38

I agree, but quietly, as I'm sure people have their reasons

maxpower · 02/12/2011 22:38

yabu

When I was very young, I called my M&D by their names. My mum just assumed it was because that was what everyone else called them. After my DSis was born, I started calling them M&D.

My DD calls DH and I by our names on occasion and it always makes us smile.

Having said that, I overheard a mum and school telling her LO off for calling her by her name instead on mum/mummy, so each to their own.

purplewednesday · 02/12/2011 22:39

I agree. I have a friend whose DCs call by their names not Mum/Dad; she just hates it and wants to be seen as a person not a label Confused

I don't get it.

It melted my heart when the DDs forst began to speak and say "mama".

YuleingFanjo · 02/12/2011 22:40

yabu.

I can't understand why you think it's sad, a shame and wrong.

meditrina · 02/12/2011 22:40

I think it's odd, but I don't think it's sad.

RillaBlythe · 02/12/2011 22:41

My 3 yo DD calls me by my first name & has done for about 3 months. She does use mummy sometimes. I don't know why she does it, she started when we were staying with my parents so heard my name used a lot there I suppose. Makes me sad to think I'm being judged as a parent on that!

chocablock · 02/12/2011 22:42

I started calling my M&D by their first names when I was about ten years old - little madam that I was I just started doing it and they didn't try to stop me! But I would like my DD to call me Mum as I agree with the OP it is a bit weird to call parents by their first names :) Also the first name thing implies the kids are equal with the parents and will be allowed to get away with things - I will be stricter with DD than my parents were with me as all kids need boundaries.

AnnoyingOrange · 02/12/2011 22:43

why would it be sad? It's just a name

daveywarbeck · 02/12/2011 22:44

My first boyfriend called his parents by their first names. I found it very very strange indeed.

Original poster
madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 22:45

I guess it makes no difference to the child. They grow up calling their parents by whatever name and to them it's just normal.

What I don't get is why parents don't want to be called 'mum' or 'dad'. I do think that's kind of a shame.

I don't have kids, but if I did I would wear my 'mummy' badge with immense pride.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/12/2011 22:46

I agree, my nephew calls his dad by his first name, and its quite strange really

squeakytoy · 02/12/2011 22:46

I think when a child is young like your Rilla, that is different, because as you rightly say, they are hearing other people call you that name... but as kids get older, it just sounds wrong.

Some kids dont have anyone that they can call Mum or Dad. To me, it seems sad that those who do have the chance, choose not to, or are encouraged not to.

daveywarbeck · 02/12/2011 22:47

I agree with that OP. My children (actually DS as DD is too young) are the only people in the world who can call me mum. Why wouldn't I want them to?

LucySnoweShouldRelax · 02/12/2011 22:47

I know a good few people who call their parents by their first names, because of some instinct when they were a kid, in no case was it the parents decision.

"Horrible"? "Something wrong with this picture"? Strikes me as a bit much, surely this doesn't harm anyone, or at least is certainly hasn't in any case I know of. As for "it lets the kids get away with things", no, I'm pretty sure parenting styles do that.

Original poster
madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 22:50

I remember I went through a phase as a child of calling my parents by their first names and they hated it! They did everything to discourage me (which made me want to do it more Grin). But I soon grew out of it.

I'm not talking about passing phases. But rather where it's like a 'thing' in the family. Like it is in my friend's. The words 'mum' and 'dad' have kind of been banished because they're too emotionally loaded or something.

Perhaps my view of this is skewed because the only people I've known (my friend and her family, and one other guy I used to share a flat with) who called their parents by their first names had very, very fucked up family backgrounds.

I guess there are 'normal' families out there that do it?

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 02/12/2011 22:51

Meh, my two call me and dp by our first names.......but then i'm usedto people thinking we're on anyways so don't really care what others think !

Cathycomehome · 02/12/2011 22:51

From my point of view, YABU, as my son calls his dad by his first name nearly all the time and me sometimes. We don't find it odd or sad. It's never occurred to me that anyone else would.

Original poster
madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 22:53

Apocalypse and Cathy wouldn't you rather be called 'mummy' by your children than your name?

OP posts:
Sevenfold · 02/12/2011 22:53

yabu dd calls her dad by his first name(she calls me mum and her brother, her brother) because she can say his name......
yes I am trumping as she has sn so can only say afew things.

TroublesomeEx · 02/12/2011 22:56

There are plenty of people in the world who get to call me FolkGirl.

I want to hear Mummy (or Mum) from them. It's who I am, to them at least. Sometimes get called Mama, which I quite like. DS has taken to calling me Mother when he thinks I'm being an idiot!

RillaBlythe · 02/12/2011 22:57

Madonna, you didn't ask me, but I genuinely don't mind. I AM her mummy, that's what matters. Names are just names. DP on the other hand hates it, he thinks it shows a lack of respect.

Cathycomehome · 02/12/2011 23:00

Nope, I don't mind at all. He does call me Mum sometimes, and his dad Dad once in a while. If he were talking about us to you, he would say "My mum" or "My dad". He just does, we've never told him to. Really really not remotely bothered. Grin

JinglePosyPerkin · 02/12/2011 23:02

I don't like my DSs to call me or DH by our first names. DS1 never does & never has but DS2 does occasionally - usually when there are other people around who have been using our names quite a bit. I don't tell him off as such but I do say "I'm mum to you thank you very much" Grin.

DD can't talk yet so no issue there Grin.