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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's odd and sad for children to call their parents by their first names?

243 replies

madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 22:34

One of my friends has always called her mum by her first name, not 'mum'. And her brother's DCs call him and his wife by their first names too.

I think this is a real shame. Whenever I'm with them and I see the little boy tugging on his dad's sleeve and saying 'Jeff! Jeff!'* to get his dad's attention, I just feel there's something wrong with that picture.

Not sure how you can be a parent and not want to hear your children call you 'mum' or 'dad'.

What do other people think about this?

*not his real name, obviously.

OP posts:
Cathycomehome · 02/12/2011 23:06

It's never occurred to me that people would have strong opinions on this! Maybe all our friends think we're really peculiar (oh wait....Grin )

I will henceforth insist on Mater and Pater. Wink

MosEisley · 02/12/2011 23:07

Hmm, well I have to say YABU, because I don't think it is odd and sad, although definitely unusual.

I am glad my kids call DH and I 'Dad' and 'Mum' but I do sometimes tell them my real name and explain, "my NAME is Mos, but you call me Mummy, because I am your Mummy!"

I want them to know I have a name, that I am a person in my own right, and not only their Mum.

We used to call my grandfather his own name, initially due to a misunderstanding, but it stuck.

Cathycomehome · 02/12/2011 23:09

We get Mummy and Daddy when son is very poorly (which, thank God, he rarely is, but when younger, his asthma was a lot worse and used to frighten him).

bialystockandbloom · 02/12/2011 23:10

My siblings and I have always called our mum by her name (which is very nice), though not our dad. Didn't realise we were not a "normal family" Shock.

Just thought it was a slight eccentricity that a) did no harm to anyone, and b) was none of anyone else's business. Hmm

YABVVU.

Original poster
madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 23:11

I do genuinely think that it's a shame for my friend that she can't call her mum 'mum'. Her mum doesn't like it and discouraged it. My friend says it's normal to her and doesn't bother her. But I've known her so well for so many years, and to be honest I don't believe her.

But like I said, the only times I've ever come across it is via people whose families are seriously dysfunctional so I guess I equate the dysfunction with the first name thing.

OP posts:
ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 02/12/2011 23:11

As they're both autistic and didn't speak till they were 5 i'm just happy to be called anything at all tbh.

I know plenty that aren't.

Wink
Cathycomehome · 02/12/2011 23:12

Shit. Guess we must be dysfunctional because of being called by our actual names. Oh well.

ratspeakeratsolstice · 02/12/2011 23:14

I am me
I am not defined by mother or father role

My kids have called me by my first name, I encouraged this

I always say its first name when I text, leave voicemail, sign b'day cards etc

so why do they say to me " Muuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum"

[sconfused}

ratspeakeratsolstice · 02/12/2011 23:14

[sconfused]

bialystockandbloom · 02/12/2011 23:15

But like I said, the only times I've ever come across it is via people whose families are seriously dysfunctional so I guess I equate the dysfunction with the first name thing.

Yes if such a family were in trouble of some kind, I expect it's one of the first questions a social worker would ask them.

ratspeakeratsolstice · 02/12/2011 23:15

{ohbum cant get the emoticons right tonight }

academyblues · 02/12/2011 23:15

My 4 year old dd often calls me by my first name and refers to me by that when she talks to other people.

It has honestly never crossed my mind to be bothered about it.

Original poster
madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 23:15

bialystockandbloom a slight eccentricity is an 'oddness', no?

I asked the forum if my OP was unreasonable and it would seem that perhaps it is a bit.

So I'll concede that it's not necessarily sad (although in my friend's case I think it is). But I do maintain that it is odd Grin.

OP posts:
coppertop · 02/12/2011 23:16

Three of mine call me mum. My other child calls me by my first name half the time and "mum" for the other half. I have no idea why.

Sevenfold · 02/12/2011 23:16

ApocalypseCheeseToastie well nuh mine can't talk at all so double trumps

bialystockandbloom · 02/12/2011 23:17

Suppose it depends whether you define 'odd' as being weird or being unusual.

thisisyesterday · 02/12/2011 23:17

well ds1 calls us by our names and has done since he was about 4, maybe a bit younger.
if you ask him why he just says it's because they're our names. which is true.

it doesn't bother me at all actually, id on't really notice it.
and now ds2 and ds3 do it too!

thisisyesterday · 02/12/2011 23:18

god am reading the thread now.

horrible??
and sad???

really?

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 02/12/2011 23:19

Well myyyyyyyyyyyyyy family's officially dysfunctional cos some twat off mumsnet said so nuh to you sevenfolded !

Cathycomehome · 02/12/2011 23:19

To be honest, OP, I wasn't terribly keen on the "Not sure how you can be a parent" bit of your original post. I do not think the name my child chooses to call me is what makes me his parent, to be quite honest. Confused

seaandsky · 02/12/2011 23:19

I call my parents Mum and Dad but my Husband has always called his by their first names. We both have an equally good relationship with our parents, a similar upbringing and a lot of respect for them too. Guess it depends on how the parents behave with their kids- a name is a name, a title doesn't mean respect etc is granted :)

bialystockandbloom · 02/12/2011 23:20

thisisyesterday I'm the third child and I just followed my older brother and sister too thats my excuse and I'm sticking to it

ChooChooWowWow · 02/12/2011 23:21

YABU.
I'm a foster carer so my dd (4) has grown up hearing loads of dc calling me by my name. She sometimes calls me by my name and sometimes calls me Mummy. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. We do get Confused looks from some people though.

Cathycomehome · 02/12/2011 23:22

I agree, seaandsky, although on reflection, I'm not sure I'd be so sanguine if his names of choice for us were Twatface and Fuckwit Grin

Sevenfold · 02/12/2011 23:22

ApocalypseCheeseToastie well I am selfish cos.....a idiot on mn called me that once ........treble trumped

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