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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's odd and sad for children to call their parents by their first names?

243 replies

madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 22:34

One of my friends has always called her mum by her first name, not 'mum'. And her brother's DCs call him and his wife by their first names too.

I think this is a real shame. Whenever I'm with them and I see the little boy tugging on his dad's sleeve and saying 'Jeff! Jeff!'* to get his dad's attention, I just feel there's something wrong with that picture.

Not sure how you can be a parent and not want to hear your children call you 'mum' or 'dad'.

What do other people think about this?

*not his real name, obviously.

OP posts:
Sudaname · 04/12/2011 21:02

I have two DGDs - my sons - but one is really a SDGD so as my son is 'only' (wrong word I know I know !) her Stepdad she calls him by his name. Unfortunately this leads to her younger sister often doing the same - just mimicking her older Dsis I suppose - and calling her dad by his name which I really dont like and does sound odd. We dont make a fuss though (my son or any other family) and just shrug/laugh it off really because making an issue probably wouldnt be helpful - especially to my youngest DGD who quite often corrects herself anyway.

melodyangel · 04/12/2011 21:32

DS2 started calling me by my first name when he was about three. I have no idea why and I didn't like it much but it was just him. It did make me sad especially as when he started school lots of people questioned it and asked if I was his mum or not. Happily he has, over the last year, started calling me mum again. Grin

Polkadotfanatic · 04/12/2011 22:05

I called my parents mum and dad all the way through my childhood. My mum and I dont have the best of relationships and when I moved out at the age of 18, I started calling her her first name. I still call my dad, dad. If I am talking about my mum to someone else I call her 'mum' but when talking to her / sending her txts/ facebook msgs, I call her her first name. I genuinely think that my mum doesnt mind this - my brother still calls her mum. I am now thirty and it's second nature....

DumSpiroSperHoHoHo · 04/12/2011 23:25

I've got nothing against 'Mum' at all now DD is older, but at 2 or 3 I didn't like it. She always called me Mummy or Mama, so why would you get a card with 'Mum' on Confused?

ZephirineDrouhin · 05/12/2011 00:57

I must admit I probably used to think it was a little unusual before I had children, having assumed that it was something that the parents instigated for reasons of their own.

Then when dd was about 2 and getting good at talking, she started calling me and dp by our first names instead of Mummy and Daddy - not all the time, but often. No idea why, and we certainly had nothing to do with it. What were we supposed to do? Refuse to answer until she addressed us properly? That would be nuts. I did say a number of times "you can call me mummy, you know" but she was very uninterested Grin. Had no idea this might have been causing people to think things like "there's something wrong with that picture".

What would you have done in this situation, op? Or do you think no child of yours would be odd enough ever to think of using your first name?

teacoupons · 05/12/2011 01:10

I like to be called Mum. It'll be a joy all over again when DD2 says 'Mum' for the first time. I couldn't imagine calling my parents by their first name or my grandparents etc and I wouldn't like to be 'Tea' to my children.

milk · 05/12/2011 07:45

8 month old DS calls DH "Dad", and calls me "Ada" (I'm called Hannah and DS can't say the letter H or N)

Bellavita · 05/12/2011 07:48

When I was a small child, our neighbours had boys of similar ages to me and my DB. They called their parents by their first names too. It all seemed very grown up.

LapsedPacifist · 05/12/2011 09:31

Well, here's a thing.

Yesterday, DS (15) made the mistake of asking- requested some information for a history project. There I was, broadcasting at him giving him the benefit of my vast knowlege about about the the availability of birth control and its impact on the social status of women in the aftermath of WW1, when he said, "well, yes Miss, but do you think.....err, I mean Blush Mum Blush?"

Miss?? MISS??? WTF???

I wonder what THAT says about our relationship? Grin

Clawdy · 05/12/2011 09:40

My friend's little boy was taught to call his parents by their first names. When he was two,she took over the running of a playgroup.Within weeks he was calling her Auntie Kath,like the other children. She decided Mummy was nicer...Grin

aldiwhore · 05/12/2011 09:42

Each to their own. I love being called Mum.

I don't like my kids to call my friends 'aunty' as they're not. They use their first names (with consent) or nothing.. I don't mind their children calling me Aunty though, its not for me to dictate.

Strangers are called Mrs/Mr X until they're friends.

We have a few nicknames too.. one male friend of ours is known to our children as Stretch.

stealthsquiggle · 05/12/2011 09:56

DS has called me by his teacher's name (and called her Mummy) in the past (long time ago - he was in YR at the time) - she assured me that they all do.

Confusingly, both her own DDs have been through her class - and managed to call her Mrs X between 9am and 3:30pm, and Mummy outside those times, without any issues. The one which the DC at school seem to find confusing is TAs who work with the nursery, and are known by their first names, and then turn up higher up the school being called "Mrs/Miss X"

As for the OP - well, each to their own, but I definitely want my DC to call me Mummy (and I suppose I will have to put up with Mum as they get older Sad)

Quodlibet · 05/12/2011 10:05

I can't see anything wrong with kids calling their parents by their names - it's not that terrifying a concept.

What does give me the right willies though is when spouses call each other by their 'parent' names, eg 'and would you like a cup of tea, ma?'

SHE'S NOT YOUR MOTHER, SHE'S YOUR WIFE! STOP IT!

marriedandwreathedinholly · 05/12/2011 11:31

The other grey area is inlaws. I can't for the life of me call mine mum and dad (well fil died a few years ago) they are Linda and George. Neither is DH happy calling mine mum and dad. Makes the Christmas cards tricky: "mum and day, Penny and Geoffrey, and Grandma and Grandad.

What does everyone else call their inlaws.

Crosshair · 05/12/2011 11:43

"What does everyone else call their inlaws."

I use their names. DH does their christmas card(To mum and Dad) and I do my mums.

sherbetpips · 05/12/2011 12:30

I do find it odd, I was upset enough when I went from being mummy to mum (although think its slightly weird when teenagers are still calling their parents mumm and daddy).

We are also in the horrible habit of referring to ourselves as mummy and daddy to each other which is sickly and needs to stop!!

sherbetpips · 05/12/2011 12:32

on the in-laws debate - first names definately!

ln1981 · 05/12/2011 12:47

Both my dbro and I have called my dad by his first name at some point (dbro still does in fact)-we did it because it really annoyed my mum I think! She once told my dbro off because people kept staring and she didnt want them to think that dad and dbro werent related WTF!! Hmm
But it really doesnt bother my dad, and none of my three dc's call him grandad either-always by his first name-which really confuses ds2 when he is picked up at nursery and the staff tell him 'grandad' is here for him !!

As for what I call the inlaws-always first names, it wouldnt feel right calling them mum and dad, but each to their own.

specialmagiclady · 05/12/2011 14:30

My cousins call their parents by their given names. I always think it's a bit odd, but it's what they do. They all get on really well as adults and I wonder it it's because there's a mutual respect that is fostered by everyone using their given names.

My DS2 aged 2 or even younger used to call me by my nickname and his dad "babe" because that's what I called him.

CaroleService · 05/12/2011 16:52

My dd is 4 and calls me by my name - and has done for a year. I'd rather she called me Mum but she doesn't want to - in her eyes it makes her more grown up than her brother to call me by my Christian name, as my friends do.

I'd HATE to be judged as a parent for a quirk of hers!

Lilka · 05/12/2011 17:02

My DD1 calls me Lilka, and I'm happy with that. I AM her mum and that's all there is to it. She describes me as her mother as well, just doesn't call me that to my face

It's nothing to do with respect. Actions speak louder than words, and I know she respects me a lot because of the things she does - seeking out my advice often, always listening to what I have to say and she goes out of her way to make all my birthdays special and to show me how much she loves me. What more respect could I ask for?

And mum means different things to different people. If you thinks it's 'sad' you're probably thinking that mum is a magical word which is the definition of love etc etc etc. It's not like that for everyone. Mum means very different things to different people. We should all respect that.

thinksdifferently · 05/12/2011 17:41

DD1 called me by my first name 90% of the time until she was about 8. I didnt correct her or show disapproval. I was quite bemused by the whole thing. She seems to have grown out of it and only ever calls me mum now.

carocaro · 05/12/2011 18:36

Yes I really dislike this, although I got so fed up of the Mum and Mummy over the Summer hols I'd forgotten my actual name, I was so thrilled when my friend yelled my name in the park and I thought oh yes that's me I'd forgotten!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 05/12/2011 19:28

I was Mummy when the kids were younger and now they are 5 and 8 I am Mum. Their choice. (Not sure what the negative connotations with "Mum" is as opposed to "Mummy".) They know our first names as DH and I call each other by our first names when talking to each other/shouting up the stairs for one another etc, but I would say, for example "Go and ask Dad" to one of the kids. But they choose to call us Mum and Dad.

I would imagine that there are many children waiting to be adopted who would yearn to be able to call a special someone "Mum" and for that name to mean something significant i.e. the person is there to look after you and love you and care for you for the rest of your life, not just a foster carer who,while they may be looking out for you and caring for your needs, they are with you for 6 months or a couple of years max.

To me, the word Mum is lovely and conjures up a special, unique relationship between me and my children. It isn't just a badge. No-one else can call me it. I have hundreds of people in my life to call me by my first name.

If I heard a child in a supermarket calling the person they were with by their first name I would assume that it would be their childminder or other carer. I would never want anyone to think that I am just my DS's childminder.

I do respect other's choices though, but I do think it's highly unusual for a child to call their parent by their first name.

For those that do, what do you do when you buy Mothers Day cards etc. Do you specifically look for ones that that don't say, for example, "For Mum on Mother's Day"? Or Xmas cards (I have just bought one which says "For Mum and Dad at Christmas Time" I think). Just curious.

Ifancyashandy · 05/12/2011 19:43

I call my mum ' mum' and my dad by his first name. He is, by 'convention' my step father but he's my dad (I love him, he's my dad. My birth father disappeared when was about 5) but no pressure was put on me to call him anything. I refer to him as 'my dad' to other people and would introduce him as such.
And he would introduce me as his daughter.

Never occurred to me that others might judge how I address him. And you would think we were father and daughter if you saw us together.

And I've never bought a card with any family relation on the front! Can't say I'm a fan of them.