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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think it's odd and sad for children to call their parents by their first names?

243 replies

madonnawhore · 02/12/2011 22:34

One of my friends has always called her mum by her first name, not 'mum'. And her brother's DCs call him and his wife by their first names too.

I think this is a real shame. Whenever I'm with them and I see the little boy tugging on his dad's sleeve and saying 'Jeff! Jeff!'* to get his dad's attention, I just feel there's something wrong with that picture.

Not sure how you can be a parent and not want to hear your children call you 'mum' or 'dad'.

What do other people think about this?

*not his real name, obviously.

OP posts:
maypole1 · 03/12/2011 14:01

I have had a very fraught relationship with my birth parent and when talking to people about her call her by her first name or refer to her as my birth parent.

Its definitely about lack of respect which I have none for my birth parents

I think parents who encourage it are trying to be hip and they are misguided

It's very disrespectful like calling a teacher by their first name

I earned the name mother by the tinges I do, and don't do the sacrifices I have made and the nights I spend cleaning sick and wiping away tears

My ex on the other hand gets referred to as bob ha and that's not even his name my son not only won't call him dad wont call him by his real name

motherinferior · 03/12/2011 14:08

I'm with Animula and (as so often) Hester. I really find it quite amazing that people will gang up and say that someone is BU about, say, gender-specific clothes for babies and then get all overwrought about something like this.

Ragwort · 03/12/2011 14:10

Agree with Bue it is incredibly irritating to hear little children calling out for their mummy or daddy in a shop/restaurant etc and every mum and dad seems to turn round Grin. I remember asking a four year old at nursery what his mum's name was, he replied 'mummy'.

My DS sometimes calls me mum, sometimes Ragwort - I much prefer him to use my first name when we are out and about, as others have said, I am a person not a 'label'. I would hate to be referred to as 'mum' by my DH and when I am speaking to DS about my DH I would always use his name not 'Dad'. I call my parents by their first names too Smile.

I don't think it is at all odd or sad (but I do think its a bit sad when adults still call their mum 'mummy' - but I wouldn't judge - much Grin).

AChristmouseTail · 03/12/2011 14:12

I'd love to hear DS say mama or mummy. I guess because DS can't speak, it will be nice to hear what ever he chooses to call me and his family.

Ragwort · 03/12/2011 14:12

Maypole1 I can assure you that I am probably the least hip person on Mumsnet Grin.

I think it is totally different from addressing a teacher by their first name, that would horrify me, and I always make my DS address his friends' parents as Mr/Mrs unless invited to do otherwise.

motherinferior · 03/12/2011 14:15

My kids call their teachers by their first names. I can assure you that it hasn't affected their educational progress.

And they wear odd socks.

Perhaps I should just face the fact I don't fit in on MN Grin

helendigestives · 03/12/2011 14:19

I like calling my Mum 'mum'. Cause she's my mum. :)

I had initial confusion when my friend calls her parents by their first names because I couldn't work out her relation to them. But then I worked it out, and it's fine. She loves them the same.

TheCatInTheHairnet · 03/12/2011 14:34

DH calls his mum by her name, which I'm used to now but found really strange at first.

Something my Dad once said when I jokingly called him by his first name stuck with me regarding my own children. He said, "The whole world can call me X, but only you 4 can call me Dad." I want mine to call me Mum for the rest of my life too!

purplebridgett · 03/12/2011 14:39

For the record, I went to a secondary school where we called the teachers by their first names and the discipline was excellent, helped by the fact it was a relatively small school serving just a couple of villages nearby and everybody knew each other. I then changed schools and went to a big impersonal school where there were uniforms and the teachers were all called 'Sir' and 'Miss' and the discipline was terrible, people were always getting suspended or kicked out for fighting, drugs etc.

But I used to know somebody who called his mum by her first name and I though it was majorly weird.

purplebridgett · 03/12/2011 14:40

D'oh, thought it was majorly weird.

pipoca · 03/12/2011 14:45

DS (3.8) has taken to calling me by my name and I don't like it, although I'm not sure why...just seems weird. Hoping he'll revert back to mummy.

WhyFrank · 03/12/2011 14:49

Oh my goodness, some of you just don't want to get it, do you?!

Going to say it again though:

DH and I are DS's mum and dad. Of course we are not equals. He gets that. He behaves respectfully towards us. And for whatever reason of his own, he prefers to call us by our first names. It doesn't have to matter. It doesn't have to mean anything.

But it does make me sad to think that other people as making assumptions and judgements on the basis of something as irrelevant as this.

WhyFrank · 03/12/2011 14:50

Sorry, that wasn't directed at any of the last few posts. Just a little rant about the thread in general.

lamp74 · 03/12/2011 15:49

WhyFrank - I feel the same as you, am really surprised that people make judgements about it - crazy!

prizewinningpig · 03/12/2011 16:04

There are sometimes religious reasons for it. Someone mentioned Irish families and in some protestant churches full names are always used as anything else is seen as not being honest in the eyes of the Lords. Lots of Quakers for example use no titles at all (Mr Mrs, Miss, Lord etc) and lots of Quaker families address each other by names, I think as part of the testimony of equality or maybe simplicity? As long as the parents and children are actually speaking to each other and not referring to each other as F as I experienced in the supermarket car park yesterday, why object?

BoffinMum · 03/12/2011 16:40

I call my parents family nicknames in emails, but Mummy and Daddy if we are together.

Our kids call us Mummy and Daddy until the age of 12 then Mum and Dad. Occasionally DC4 (2) calls us by our first names or 'MummyDaddy' but he is experimenting.

FairyMum · 03/12/2011 16:58

Our children call us by our first names and they call my parents mummy and daddy which sometimes considering my parents age get them the "now IVF has gone too far"-looks in the playground.

Megfox · 03/12/2011 17:21

It comes across as very disrespectful to address one's parents by their first names.

It indicates a lack of either discipline or lack of concern on the part of parents who allow this.

Each family is different, of course; what is acceptable in one would be totaly UNacceptable in another.
I could NEVER allow my sons to address me by my Christian name. It's altogether TOO familiar. And I do believe that such familiarity breeds contempt.

nooka · 03/12/2011 17:28

I think it is unusual to call your parents by their names, but nothing more than that. I also think it is unusual to call your parents "Mummy" and "Daddy" as a adult, but I'd not cast aspersions on those that do. There could be a myriad of reasons for both. We know a family that doesn't seem to use names as all, everyone is 'brother' 'sister' 'auntie' 'uncle' and as a non relative it's very confusing, especially as they don't differentiate between ILs (our friend seemed to have abut 8 brothers, although he'd previously told us he had two siblings). My dh's parents would have liked me to call them mum and dad and I think that is a bit odd, but it's just a different family tradition. My mother never came to terms with being a granny first time around and so the grandchildren all call my parents their parenting names (not mum and dad though). I don't think that my children think their grandparents are really their parents.

In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter very much.

trickydickie · 03/12/2011 17:35

My Dad called his Mum by her first name. We then went onto call her by her first name but put Granny before it.

My Dad is Irish as are his family.

He didn't like us calling him by his first name, he wanted Dad, which I called him.

Also I was born in 1970 and apart from my Dad's family, never came across anyone who called their parents by their first name. Just, think a couple of posters have said it was common in the 70's to address your parent/s by their first name.

Each to their own, but I love my kids calling me Mum or Mummy. Agree with poster, about people who work with children, calling me Mum. If they don't know my name, then don't address me by a name.

To me it is like Christmas. Having children at Christmas is part of the reward for looking after, and bringing them up all year round. Another reward for the hard work I put in, is hearing Mummy or Mum.

saintlyjimjams · 03/12/2011 17:49

Ds3 often called DH by his first name. Still does occasionally. We found it funny - certainly wasn't suggested by us - he came up with it. Mainly he does it now when DH isn't listening.

FellatioNelson · 03/12/2011 18:00

There is a bit of difference though, between a child choosing to do it, as a bit of a phase that somehow sticks, and parents who decide from day one that their child will be brought up to call them Tracey and Dave. which I find strange.

NettleTea · 03/12/2011 18:04

Dd always calls me mummy or mum, she is 11. DS, who is 5 calls me by my name or mummy, there doesnt seem to be any why or when as to the times he does it. I did think it a little odd, and some people (especially other kids strangely) have asked why he does it, and he just says 'because its her name'.....

NettleTea · 03/12/2011 18:05

oh, and they both call dp by his name. DD is his step child, ds is his real child. DS very very occassionaly calls him dad.

OuchHolly · 03/12/2011 18:48

See I cba whether i am called mum or by my name. And terribly Confused by people who as middle aged individuals still refer to their parents as mummy and daddy. but then again i don't understand the need for baby talk either.

Ds knows I am his food/clean clothes/tidy room/activity provider and whether he calls me mum or by my name is irrelevant to that fact. Although tbh when he calls me mum I generally get the worst behaviour from him Hmm.

Imo it is more important that he feels he can communicate with me his needs and problems then whether that is prefixed by mum or my name.

Why judge someone on their choice of what they are called? Seems a waste of energy to me