AIBU to think it's odd and sad for children to call their parents by their first names?

[madonnawhore]

One of my friends has always called her mum by her first name, not 'mum'. And her brother's DCs call him and his wife by their first names too.

I think this is a real shame. Whenever I'm with them and I see the little boy tugging on his dad's sleeve and saying 'Jeff! Jeff!'* to get his dad's attention, I just feel there's something wrong with that picture.

Not sure how you can be a parent and not want to hear your children call you 'mum' or 'dad'.

What do other people think about this?

*not his real name, obviously.

Just when I begin to get a little jaded with mumsnet, it always happens: along comes a thread that makes me realise that, though I may live long, and travel far (God willing), I will never, never cease to be surprised by what I do not know of my fellow human beings.

If you had asked me yesterday whether I thought the women of Britain had a thought, let alone an opinion, on the subject of how other people's children address those other people, i would have said: "I doubt it."

but there you go. Surprise and wonder is burst upon me - again!! Like a Jack-in-the-box of joyous new human mystery. And not just an opinion: Strong opinion. There really are people in the world thinking: "dysnfunctional" and their very hearts melting with pity at the sight of a littlie calling a parent by their first name.

I am amazed.

Utterly, butterly amazed.

Exactly what you said, animula.

Bit off topic, but what I do find a bit weird is when adults whose mother I am not call me Mum. For example in GP's surgery when my son was about to have a flu jab, nurse to son: "It won't hurt a bit, will it, Mum?

[off-topic alert]

Cathycomehome: Hmmm. I used to attract the attentions of folk who were slightly lost-in-the-sea-of-life. Not (well, not usually) in a bad way. Some folk just seemed to approach me, for comfort and chat. I think it was because I moved slowly/perhaps sat down a lot.

A hippy friend told me, very seriously, that I had an "aura" that called out to people. Well, not "called" precisely, because that would be auditory, but was somehow perceivable beyond the normal five senses.

I was a bit , not being overly inclined in that direction myself.

But perhaps you have something of that, my dear? You exude a kind of child-loving quality they pick up on, and call it by its cultural name?

My brother and I called our parents by first names...and called our nan 'mum'.
We all lived together, so I guess we grew up using those names - obviously my nan wasn't going to start calling her son 'dad' or her DIL 'mum'.

We seemed to have survived ok - neither my brother or I are dysfunctional (at least I think not!)

Maybe they just think I look really old, animula?

Have just re-read your post and realised I totally mis-read it. Ha! Missed the "adult" and the "nurse"! How did i do that!!

That is sooooo true.

I have to say, I used to find it a bit grrrrr ... but, as I get older and ditzier myself, I now think: "There's someone else who just cannot remember my name and is covering up in what they think is a socially approved manner ... though blinking heck it's not going down so well with me."

Well, anyway, now I have realised the error of my dysfunctional ways, I will be INSISTING that the new baby when he or she arrives calls me Mummy, whether he or she likes it or not!

(Well, when he or she learns to speak, I suppose, I don't want to be pushy)

YABU. I think this comes fairly near the top of things that we don't need to judge as right or wrong.

YABU, I have always called my mum her name. Never thought anything more of it. We have a fantastic relationship and we are very very close. A name is just a name. :)

I work hard at being a Mummy and I want the title when ds learns to talk

Hester - I think there is an implied challenge in your post.

What things might be higher on the list?

i really am rummaging about in the cupboard of my mind and I can think of nothing. Save that long-running thread on the art of loading a dishwasher (was it). You know, the one with the title something a bit like "It goes, spoons, knives, forks ... " or something ....

Odd socks is higher. A lady I know was "really shocked" about a child with odd socks.

i just cannot top that.

Imagine going for a cup of tea at your friend Liz's house, and seeing that the dishwasher was wrongly stacked, and just as you were recovering from THAT, a child wearing odd socks ran in and said "Liz, do you know where my football kit is?"

I really think you have the start of a novel there, you know.

(Still can't think of anything odder than the odd socks thing.)

I would be horrified if my children addressed me as Abigail.

I did, however end a conversation with my mother this evening with the delightful phrase -

'Piss of now you bugger'

Meh

My brother lives in southern Ireland and all the children seem to flit between calling their parents and grandparents by their first name or mum, dad or granny title. His mil is very straight laced (think Mrs Doyle but a little more catholic) and she does not object to being called by her first name by her grandchildren.
In our family we have always done the same but we are from Irish stock albeit way, way back. I would not say we are particularly dysfunctional . The only person to ever make a fuss and insist we did not call him by his first name was my biological father and he was violent and abusive. In our teenage years after the divorce we shortened his name as this particularly pissed him off!

I call my mum Mum when talking to her, or about her individually, but use her first name when discussing her in relation to my birth mother.

What about step parents? My DH is step father to DS1, who calls him by his name.

DD1 calls me Mummy Cam. I think it is because when we are out and about saying "Mummy" means half a dozen people turn round. Sometimes she calls me Mum, sometimes Cam, sometimes Mama. Meh.

Growing up, my cousin called her parents by their first names - they didn't want to be roles rather than people. My sister calls our parents by their first names just to annoy them. I call my parents Mum and Dad. Friends used to call their parents Sir or Ma'am (in the US). But you know, all of them talked to their parents with respect most of the time but in anger at other times. What difference does it make? It is the relationship between the child and parent that matters, not the labels they use.

My Dd calls us by our first names when ahe is annoyed at us, she has few words so it's quite amusing when she omes out with 'noo Fanjo' (err not that my name is Fanjo)

DS called us by our names until he was 4. Then dh got dad, and finally I got mum. Occasionally we suggested mum and dad, and we referred to each other to him as mum and dad, but ultimately he did what he wanted.

I could not be less bothered by this or by what people thought of this.