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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask SiL to pay kennel fees for our dog over Xmas?

412 replies

bex2011 · 30/11/2011 09:00

We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family. They have said they will only go if our dog goes into kennels. SiL has a real problem with the dog and her children being in the same house. We have FiL has said he will put a baby gate at the kitchen door and the dog can stay behind that. Dog and children wouldn't need to be in the same room at all. This isn't good enough. Dog shows no signs at all of agression. She is fine with my niece and nephew and has adapted really well to having a baby in the house. Everyone who knows the dog and the situation thinks it's ridiculous and there is no reason why dog and children can't be together.

They will be at inlaws from Xmas day lunchtime until boxing day evening. The kennels have said that dog would need to go in Xmas eve before lunch until day after boxing day, totalling 4 days of kennel fees.

AIBU to ask them to foot the bill for this? Part of me knows that I am, but they show no degree of compromise to find a situation that works.

OP posts:
4madboys · 30/11/2011 10:41

riverside when the sil visited the op's house they had to get the dog out the way for the day! that is rude. my friend and my parents both put dog in garden or my parents leave it with friends for a few days when i go home to visit, but i am allergic, i havent asked them to do this, they do it because it is polite/caring thing to do. i would not ask anyone to do that, if i CHOOSE to visit a house with a dog (tho tbh as i have to take the kids to visit there isnt much choice) i generally suck it up and take anti-histimines and try and avoid the dog as much as possible, but i WILL suffer for agood month or so afterwards whilst my allergic reactions settle down.

its sounds like sil is being a pita, esp as she expected you to remove the dog from your own home which even i would not expect and i am really quite allergic.

and whoever said the inlawas would choose their grandchildren over the dog, apparently not, as the op has said that her inlwas love the dog and see it as part of the family as well. (which is always a whole other debate!)

anway op, i am sorry you and your pil are in this position and i hope you sort something out xx

buttonmoon78 · 30/11/2011 10:44

riverside our kennels will not allow pick ups or drop offs during that period.

crunchbag · 30/11/2011 10:45

Why don't you just talk about it directly with your sil and brother before making any decisions. She can tell you her reasons and you can re-assure her and see if you can come to a mutual agreement.

Without knowing her reasoning it's difficult to say who is unreasonable.

DownbytheRiverside · 30/11/2011 10:45

Shock See, I know nothing about kennels or fees, which is why I think the OP IBU to enlighten her SIL and ask for a cash contribution.

NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 10:45

The only risk our Westie would pose would be of a severe sniffing. Our Staffie cross would hide from a small child until introductions were made and then prob try to put her head in their lap for a cuddle. You can't make breed generalisations.

I wouldn't use kennels, and would very much leave it up to the PILs or let the SIL be the unreasonable one and stay home bar a visit.

Sparklingbrook · 30/11/2011 10:48

Have they still got space at the kennels? The cattery I use told me in October they were full for Christmas already. (those poor cats Sad)

slavetofilofax · 30/11/2011 10:49

I wouldn't leave my dog at home at Christmas, he is one of the things the children enjoy the most. Now that they no longer believe, they like doing a stocking for the dog!

I would tell your PIL's that you can't afford kennels so will be staying with the dog at Christmas because he is part of your family.

Morloth · 30/11/2011 10:53

Your SIL is not being unreasonable to not want to be in a house with a dog, you are not being unreasonable to say you can't go without your dog.

it is your PIL's call, if the two positions are incompatible then they have to decide who they would rather have.

It you don't want to kennel your dog then don't, but it is your expense if you do.

If your PILs say No Dog then you will just have to either suck it up and put the dog in the kennel or not go.

soverylucky · 30/11/2011 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 30/11/2011 10:55

My SIL is allergic to dogs so having a dog behind a baby gate would not be any good for her. When she visits my parents they put their dog in Dad's workshop. There is plenty of room for the dog, Is there a garage at your PIL's that the dog could be put in?

NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 10:58

Well, that's up to you, I was just making the point that breed generalisations aren't always accurate on temperament, she is a softy. If she didn't know you, she'd prob just hide. However if you came to my house the dogs would be in the conservatory, which is what has been offered (or equivalent) in this case, no risk of inadvertent contact. Likewise I feel the same about cats and am violently allergic to them, when I go to my parents' place I just don't pet them...I don't expect them to go to a cattery or be barricaded elsewhere.

JinglePosyPerkin · 30/11/2011 10:59

OK.

Why do some people think it's so bad for poor doggy to be in kennels at Christmas? How is it different from any other day of the year to a dog? Do animals understand the concept of Christmas? I'm pretty sure my guinea pigs don't.

OP, is you spending Christmas with your dog more important than spending it with your family? If yes, don't go. If no, put your dog in kennels. Simple.

I wouldn't want my DCs in the same house as a staffy x boxer either I'm afraid. There are loads of staffies where we live (Staffordshire funnily enough) & I've lost count of the times I've been snarled at - just walking past, not touching them or going into their homes etc. No spaniel has ever snarled at me.

In short YABU. But then I'm not a doggy person. Can you tell? Smile

JelliBelli · 30/11/2011 10:59

I'm with Sparklingbrook any decent kennel would have booked for christmas months agao. I wouldn't want my (hypothetical) dog staying in a kennel that had christmas spaces available at the end of November. The kennel option doesn't really exist IMO.

So what compromise has SIL made...... Confused?

willowstar · 30/11/2011 11:02

I like dogs but not enough to have one myself...too much work and I am disorganised enough. ANyway, when my daughter was 18 months or so we went to visit some friends of my mums with my mum, they had two very very loud big dogs. the friends kept saying how great their dogs were with little children but that wasn't my opinion at all...they kept knocking her down, jumping up on me and hurting me with their claws when I picked her up and barked really loudly the whole time. The owners just didn't get it and I was really uncomfortable there and so glad to leave.

just saying that their perception was very different to mine.

have been to lots of other peoples houses where the dogs have been no problem at all, my daughter has got a lot out of it.

I can maybe see where your SIL is coming from if her experience of your dog was like mine at my mums friends house.

Bossybritches22 · 30/11/2011 11:04

Why should the OP have to comprosmise when its the SIL (guest) problem not the hosts (PIL) or hers (guest)

I'm quite happy to make alternative arrangements when I'm going to a non-doggy/allergic household, & can quite understand someone not wanting to share Christmas or any time with one if they have had a bad experience of one.
The issue here is SIL is BVVVU by dictating how the rest of the party should be arranged just for her convenience/wishes.I wouldn't dream of insisting that the hosts make arrangements just for me,(to thepoint of going agianst the whole of the rest of the family's preferences) its the height of bad manners!!

Why can't SIL be the one to come over later?

At any other time I'd agree with the "its only a dog" thing & board mine out if it was an issue but it's pricy at this time of year & this close to Christmas places aren't in abundance.

Morloth · 30/11/2011 11:14

Why should the SIL compromise? She doesn't want to be in a house with a dog. So she can just not go if the dog is going.

If the PILs decide they would rather have SIL and her family then the OP will need to make a decision.

The OP's dog is not the SILs responsibility. If she does not wish to be around it then she can choose not to be.

OP needs to ask PILs for their decision and then act from there.

tulipgrower · 30/11/2011 11:16

If SIL is genuinely scared of the dog, (and I too see a massive difference between a staffy x and a spaniel, and can understand people being scared of one, but not the other), then putting it in the next room won't put her at ease and ruin her Christmas. Her fear may be irrational and piss everyone off, but it is real for her.

(Have a friend with a spider phobia, and she gets quite distraught if she knows there is a spider in another room , (even if it is tiny). She can't think of anything else until it has been dealt with.)

The PIL have to make the decision whether they'd prefer the dog or the SIL.

ChristinedePizanne · 30/11/2011 11:19

:o at the people getting upset at the thought of dogs and cats in kennels over Xmas. Like they know

MarieFromStMoritz · 30/11/2011 11:21

Aw, poor dog Sad. Don't send her away for Christmas, that would be awful.

I don't understand what the problem is if the dog is behind a gate. What does your SIL say to this?

ChaoticAngel · 30/11/2011 11:25

I wouldn't put my dog in kennels at christmas, the dog may not know it's christmas but I would. I'd feel guilty and not enjoy myself. Tbh I'm not sure I'd put her in kennels at any other time of year. I'd try all other options first, if leaving her was unavoidable.

You and your PIL have tried to compromise but SIL is refusing to so she is BU by giving an ultimatum.

TheSecondComing · 30/11/2011 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 11:26

The SIL is the only one not compromising.

Bossybritches22 · 30/11/2011 11:27

Christine- for me it's more about the availability & cost, quite rightly kennel owners want their time off too!

Morloth- that's what I mean about compromise, by not going. The hosts, the PIL want & like the dog as part of the family, he visits regularly. She is forcing the hosts to choose between the two DILS/families & that is not fair.

If at the outset she had said she would feel more comfortable coming later/earlier then that would have been more polite. To stamp your foot & insist the rest of the family spend out on expensive alternatives is unreasonable IMHO, & unfair on her PIL whatever the cause.

AmberLeaf · 30/11/2011 11:27

Do dogs celebrate christmas then?

I dont think the sil is BU in expecting a dog free house she's visiting for christmas to be....er... dog free !

lljkk · 30/11/2011 11:29

Last message by OP says that it's the breed specifically that SIL objects to. That is very U imho.
:(
But You should have said that from the start, OP