to ask SiL to pay kennel fees for our dog over Xmas?

[bex2011]

We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family. They have said they will only go if our dog goes into kennels. SiL has a real problem with the dog and her children being in the same house. We have FiL has said he will put a baby gate at the kitchen door and the dog can stay behind that. Dog and children wouldn't need to be in the same room at all. This isn't good enough. Dog shows no signs at all of agression. She is fine with my niece and nephew and has adapted really well to having a baby in the house. Everyone who knows the dog and the situation thinks it's ridiculous and there is no reason why dog and children can't be together.

They will be at inlaws from Xmas day lunchtime until boxing day evening. The kennels have said that dog would need to go in Xmas eve before lunch until day after boxing day, totalling 4 days of kennel fees.

AIBU to ask them to foot the bill for this? Part of me knows that I am, but they show no degree of compromise to find a situation that works.

Sone of those things I thought I'd answered before - the OP paid to have her dog minded for the day while the SIL came over to see the new baby - sounds to me more as though the history is accomodating the SIL rather than not. Trust issue? I'm not convinced by that as it sounds as though OP has gone out of her way to make sure SIL has been comfortable in the past.

Funding issue? Again, I'll put my own case and say that if someone said at this point in the year that I would have to kennel my dog, I'd have to say no - we just do not have the money. As it is, me and my DH are not doing Xmas presents for each other. It's not her dog, no, but she is the one asking for the expense to be incurred (and as the PILs have looked after the dog before, the OP knew the dog would be welcome there so may not have thought about this and so may not have budgeted - I wouldn't have done on the assumption that I could take the dog). If they were willing to pay, because it is to be done for their convenience, then maybe that would be different. Especially as the dog will be in kennels on days when it isn't necessary because that's the only way the kennels will do it. I would really be p**d off if not only was I sitting at home without the dog, but I was paying for the privilege, because someone else had demanded it because they wouldn't compromise for 2 days).

It seems to me that the PILs have had the opportunity to ask OP to put the dog somewhere else - that's why I think there is more to this. They were the ones that suggested the compromise and don't appear to have said 'Look, we just can't take the dog this time - you'll have to do something with it'. For people who are missing out (and I agree with you there) they just seem to be really happy about it and not going out of their way to force OP to change her plans...

I've read the whole thread with interest, and can't understand why a compromise (caged dog) shouldn't suffice. May I throw another suggestion into the bucket (sleuth mode on) Perhaps SIL doesn't actually wish to spend Christmas at PILs house and is using the 'us or the dog' tactic knowing full well that PIL will want to see new baby, OP, and dog?!

I wondered that redroof! It's a bit crap though, if that's the case, to make everyone feel awful about it when saying 'Look, I really don't mind too much and this way most people are happy - we'll catch up on x date and have another mini-Christmas then.'

of course we have bought her story, we don't have anything to contradict it. If someone posts here that her Dh beats her, I advise based on that statement and don't reply with "are you sure, maybe you are lying, we only have your side of the story".

So if the Op posts that SIL is not otherwise afraid of dogs and her dog has never behaved aggressively, I also form my opinion about SILs (un)reasonableness based on that.

A crate would only work if the dog was used to be crated. My dog woukd bark the whole time he was there. I don't really see why a crate is a better solution than behind stair gate.

Dont put the dog in kennels. You and in laws have come up with a solution: the safety gate. If this isnt enough then the SIL needs to back out/see a psychiatrist/get a life.

Fortunately I am a dog lover and so are all my family. I am actually quite suspicious of people who dont like dogs, but its their problem not yours.

It took me so long to wade thru all of this; didn't want to put oar in without being completely au fait. Pivotal seems to be the long-standing turn & turn-about situation.

It seems that this problem has meant that one year you go to PIL's with dog, next year PIL's other DS goes without dog. If it's your turn, especially as you have a newborn, then why is it such a big problem?

I am terrified of any dog & have been since I was a toddler, so can see why someone would want to avoid but it seems like there's a rota system. Why is this year any different?

I agree whatmeworry think its a power issue, definately. The dog has no previous form, doesnt jump or slobber over people. SIL lets her children stroke dogs in the street (if its a cutesy spaniel?!!). So essentially she's not scared of dogs and children (if shes happy to let them stroke a dog with unknown history!).

I am incredulous that she insisted you had to remove your dog from YOUR house so she could visit YOUR new baby. Going as far as saying she wouldnt visit if you shut him out of the house!! This isnt about fear. A dog outside is not going to eat her children. I would have told her in no uncertain terms that she would not be dictating what occurs in MY house.

She sounds like a giant PITA and i think the PIL's decision reflects that they do not feel happy to be dictated to in THEIR own house by visitors. There has been compromise offered to seperate the dog and children by doors/gates. If the sil isn't happy with this then she can decline the invitation, thats up to her.

What are the family relationships like generally? Do you/dh get on well with sil, what about the parents, do they have good relationships with SIL. What does DH's brother make of it all?

Aha found this thread at last - So OP I have been wondering about you and wether a satisfactory solution ever came about???

So what happened.

What happened in the end?
I can understand your sils worry tbh. A dog behind a gate isn't a solution if people are going in and out of the gate. BUT it was your sils problem not yours so she should have either declined the invitation or offered to pay for kennels imo.

We went to Pils with the dog and Bil and his family stayed at home. We had a lovely time, spoke to them on the phone and no hard feelings at all.