to ask SiL to pay kennel fees for our dog over Xmas?

[bex2011]

We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family. They have said they will only go if our dog goes into kennels. SiL has a real problem with the dog and her children being in the same house. We have FiL has said he will put a baby gate at the kitchen door and the dog can stay behind that. Dog and children wouldn't need to be in the same room at all. This isn't good enough. Dog shows no signs at all of agression. She is fine with my niece and nephew and has adapted really well to having a baby in the house. Everyone who knows the dog and the situation thinks it's ridiculous and there is no reason why dog and children can't be together.

They will be at inlaws from Xmas day lunchtime until boxing day evening. The kennels have said that dog would need to go in Xmas eve before lunch until day after boxing day, totalling 4 days of kennel fees.

AIBU to ask them to foot the bill for this? Part of me knows that I am, but they show no degree of compromise to find a situation that works.

you had to turf your dog out of it's home so they could come and visit you baby. how rude is your sil.

So what is her problem with the dog then?

She must have a reason for her thinking, surely?

Have you spoken to SIL directly? It would be much easier than to-ing and fro-ing between a third party. TBH I wouldn't be thrilled to stay in a house with a dog because I'm allergic to them and also because they are always all over 1yo DS, who loves dogs but not for extended periods of being licked. If I were your SIL and you assured me personally (i.e. not through PIL) that your dog would be kept in the kitchen or outside and not let out 'just for a few minutes' then I would be ok with popping lots of Piriton. I would be furious if you made that committment and then didn't keep it though.

Just out of curiosity, what breed of dog do you have?

If your dog is genuinely fine in temperament,and docility and your nephew and niece are fine and there are no allergies than I do think SiL is being unreasonable.

Your PiL have invited the dog and found a workable solution. As she is the one being difficult she should decline the invitation and accept any ill feeling this causes. Just disliking dogs is no good reason to cause expense and upheaval to all concerned, when a workable solution has already been found.

State categorically you cannot afford four days in kennels or the vets fees if anything happens, if she offers to pay accept it.

Is SIL allergic?

Another voice with the consensus here - it would be U to ask her to pay the kennel fees, but it's equally U of her to insist that you fork out what's probably going to be a sizeable amount, when you've offered a solution that sounds pretty reasonable.

Personally, if SIL is going to be cat's-bum about the dog being there at all anyway, I'd be tempted to skip the whole thing and drive over to join them for Boxing Day lunch, leaving the dog at home for the morning, if it's near enough, or with a friend. Shame for the GPs, though.

I think that I would be happy with the stairgate solution you have proposed. However, I can understand being twitchy about dogs and my dcs even though I know that it is often unreasonable. I was attacked by dogs as a child and I have been afraid of them since then. I am mostly ok with them now but a dog barking at me, a dog growling behind a fence gets my heart racing. An unknown dog coming up to my dcs makes me panic. The dcs know that you have to ask the owner before you touch a dog but even when they are stroking a well known, friendly dog my heart is always in my mouth and I can hardly stop myself from jumping in if the dog is getting excited. I can cope with spending a morning or afernoon in a house with a dog but spending Christmas in a house with a dog would mean I wouldn't be able to relax at all. Of course I don't know what is making your SIL so jumpy about it but just sometimes there is an explanation behind it.

yes i still want to know what her issue with the dog is?

but if you pil are happy to have the dog then it is their call, if i were you i would feel bad that they are being put in the position of essentialy 'choosing' between you and sil, but that is your sil fault for not wanting the dog to be there i guess (depending on the reason behind her not wanting the dog there)

part of me says if the inlaws are happy with the suggested arrangedment of the stairgate go and take dog, but the other part of me says its xmas, keep the peace and humour your sil and make your inlwas happy by having all their family there.

when i visit my best friend who has a dog she puts him out in the garden and even goes to the effort of hoovering etc before i get there ( i have told her not to bother making an effort to hoover) but she always puts the dog outside, but then i am allergic, so different situation. but i know i have real issues with relatives wanting to visit here who have many times tried to and have brought their dog into my house! they now use kennels or are doing next visit, they actually try it on every time they visit, hey ho.

WHY exactly does your sil not like the dog? perhaps she had a bad experience with a dog as a child and is projecting that fear? grasping at straws!!

I would never expect you to send the dog away from your own home. I wouls reserve the right not to go to the PIL's with a dog bouncing around for two days, so if I was SOL I would just go to my parents!

I'm not sure it matters terribly whether SIL is being unreasonable or not - the key issue is your poor PIL and the situation they have been put in. I know it wasn't you who started this, but it would be nice if you could find a solution that didn't involve putting your PIL on the spot and making them take sides/ deliver unwelcome messages. Do you know what they think and want? Could you ring SIL up and negotiate a solution directly with her?

Could you leave the dog in the garage? I know it sounds harsh, but that's where my cats live, they have warm igloo beds in there and they are fine. It's only a few days and it would be Ok, and you could still take it out for walks etc so it would still see you?

I don't allow dogs in my house, due to germs, mess, smell, hair... same as I now don't allow cats in - but it started due to SN child, before you all start having a go!

Not your problem I think it needs batting back to the PIL, although I can see they're trying to keep all parties happy as they want everyone there for Christmas. Sounds like they have offered a compromise to SIL & she has refused, silly cow. It's their house they like your dog so they should say.

Is she a bit PFB about dogs, truly allergic or just a PITA anyway?

I dogboard now and again and my hubby and two children and myself really enjoy having a dog around and like relatives dogs but to be honest, when we visit relatives at Christmas and their house is very full (and getting fuller every year with the teens and their friends and new babies each year!) to me a dog causes that little bit of extra stress, trying not to trip over it, it getting excited and licking the kids and trying to take their food; BUT THAT IS THEIR DOG IN THEIR HOUSE SO FAIRS DOES!

It is a tricky one and I sympathise but may be the dog would be happier in a kennel rather than in another room with a gate, they don't particularly like that. Are you around the Cheshire/Manchester area as I dogboard as I said!

Now there's a thought MN doggyboarding, bet someone is in your PIL area!!

She's a staff x boxer, loves people. She is not bouncy and after a long walk in the morning would most likely sleep for the rest of the day.

OP, 4Mad has some really bonkers dog loving relatives and a really bad allergy to dogs and if she is on your side, YANBU

However I can see, if SIL is terrified or allergic, then the idea of only being a stairgate away from your rabid hound* would make for an unpleasant Christmas.

*in her eyes.

Tell her to sod off. Your dog is part of the family, and your PIL have no problem with her. Apart from anything else, SIL is setting her children up for real problems in the future if she's going to be this anal about a dog that isn't even in the same room.

It's the way she's phrased it that's really got my goat - from what you've said it sounds like not 'I'm really sorry but I can't be around dogs, I'll have to bow out - maybe you could pop over and visit us on Boxing Day' or similar, but more like 'the dog goes into kennels or I'm not coming'. It's really unfair of her to put you, and PIL, in this position - emotional blackmail. Call her bluff, and you may well find she magically manages to cope with the dog when faced with the prospect of being excluded from the celebrations.

YABBU When will dog owners realise that not everybody likes dogs?

People are so insensitive. I was attacked by a dog as a child. 20 years later I still can't handle them. I cross the road to avoid big dogs even on leashes. Parks are major terror for me. It's a bloody dog! Poor dog nothing. It doens't even know it's christmas.

Dog owners are particulary arsey in that they don't understand that not everyone is a dog lover similar to the way you love your children but no one else does. I wouldn't want a dog around me or my children.

YABU in expecting her to pay. The way I can see it is that both of you can't go if you're digging your heels in.

So do you think he problem is to do with the cross of staffy x boxer at all?

If it is, then she is bvu.

Any idea how she would be if the dog were a spaniel for example?

....a responsibly owned and well trained staff x boxer!

The op has realised this! When will people who dislike dogs stop dictating what others should do in their own homes?