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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask SiL to pay kennel fees for our dog over Xmas?

412 replies

bex2011 · 30/11/2011 09:00

We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family. They have said they will only go if our dog goes into kennels. SiL has a real problem with the dog and her children being in the same house. We have FiL has said he will put a baby gate at the kitchen door and the dog can stay behind that. Dog and children wouldn't need to be in the same room at all. This isn't good enough. Dog shows no signs at all of agression. She is fine with my niece and nephew and has adapted really well to having a baby in the house. Everyone who knows the dog and the situation thinks it's ridiculous and there is no reason why dog and children can't be together.

They will be at inlaws from Xmas day lunchtime until boxing day evening. The kennels have said that dog would need to go in Xmas eve before lunch until day after boxing day, totalling 4 days of kennel fees.

AIBU to ask them to foot the bill for this? Part of me knows that I am, but they show no degree of compromise to find a situation that works.

OP posts:
A1980 · 30/11/2011 09:56

Sorry just saw the dog is a staff boxer. I can't stand those as they look similar to the one that attacked me as a child. They're scary looknig dogs to some people.

nerfmum · 30/11/2011 09:56

I think you need to point out to sil exactly how much it will cost to put dog into kennels and that it would be sad that dog was left out of family christmas. Have to say that my dog could not cope with being shut behind a gate and away from us.
oh and I would not kick my dog out of house so sil could visit, its a good way for her to get to know the dog and know that he is safe/friendly.

A1980 · 30/11/2011 09:57

The op has realised this! When will people who dislike dogs stop dictating what others should do in their own homes?

It isn't the OP's own home though. No one is telling the OP waht to do in her own home. Read the thread Honeydragon.

TimeWasting · 30/11/2011 09:57

The SIL isn't dictating, just saying 'us or the dog'.

A1980 · 30/11/2011 09:57

And equally Honey when will dog lovers begin to understnad that the whole world doesn't love their stupid animal.

Honeydragon · 30/11/2011 09:59

A1980

I was referring to the op locking the dog out of her home when sil came to visit her - she is being pretty reasonable about all this.

I had read the thread Grin

ItWasABoojum · 30/11/2011 09:59

A1980, real phobias like yours are different. The SIL simply doesn't like dogs, and feels for some reason that she has the right to INSIST on this dog being separated from her family for four days, just so they can visit for an afternoon. She is the one who's caused this awkward situation and put the PIL in such a horrible position - not the OP. Yes, not everyone likes dogs. Not everyone likes children - but if anyone said 'I'll only come for Christmas if your children are elsewhere' they'd get their arse handed to them, and rightly so.

A1980 · 30/11/2011 09:59

Sorry Honey! Grin

soverylucky · 30/11/2011 10:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Honeydragon · 30/11/2011 10:00

A1980 - Most dog owners do realise this.

But it is a huge expense to demand of someone, not ask, demand.

soverylucky · 30/11/2011 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Robins · 30/11/2011 10:01

Like I said my family and I really like dogs (but won't have one fulltime) but I can totally understand that no matter how lovely natured a dog is and putting that aside, a lot of people are concerned with the hygiene of a dog in the house and I can actually totally understand that. As a dogboarder who allows dogs in our dining room and living room as we offer dogs what they are used to at home, I am usually relieved when they have gone and have a good clean!

Would it not be stressful having to keep closing the gate to make sure the dog stays in etc?

soverylucky · 30/11/2011 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thetasigmamum · 30/11/2011 10:02

How do you know the SiL doesn't have a 'real phobia'? It sounds like she very does, to me. And she hasn't insisted on the dog being separated from 'its family' she has said her family won't be there if the dog is. That's a completely different thing. What sort of arrogant person would want to subject someone who is scared of dogs to a dog (and a staff, at that) all over Xmas?

A1980 · 30/11/2011 10:02

A1980, real phobias like yours are different. The SIL simply doesn't like dogs

Not liking thme is good enough a reason IMO. If she doens't wanna be in a house with a dog no one has any right to say she's unreasonable.

Even I'm not absolutely terrified of every dog. Little ones are fine. Spaniels, etc I find cute. It's the big ones and the mean looking ones. Even then, I wouldn't want to be in house with a dog I don't find scary as they leave hair everywhere and they smell. I feel the same about cats and their hair. I hate animals in the house.

Honeydragon · 30/11/2011 10:04

Oh and as a dog owner I am sooooo on the fence on this one.

Like the op the expense would be really tough at Xmas

but

equally I wouldn't relax if I knew someone was genuinely scared or distressed knowing that my dog was in the building and would be happier putting the dog in a safe environment, so the SiL felt safe.

I adore my dog, but she is just a dog and humans come first.

But I stand by SiL is being unreasonable for making huge expensive demands without giving anyone a reason for it Confused

pictish · 30/11/2011 10:06

I have thought this over and my feeling is that if it's fear related then it's her phobia, her problem.

No-one can realistically expect everyone else to dance to their tune regarding phobias.

Certainly I can understand and empathise with a fear of dogs, but to put the pils in an awkward position of do-what-I-want-or-I'm-not-coming over what is essentially HER problem, is kinda self absorbed. Imo.

squeakytoy · 30/11/2011 10:06

I wouldnt go. But I can see that isnt fair on you or the PIL.

The only thing I can think of is, as it is for just over 24 hours that they are there, are there any neighbours at your PIL who they know, who would be happy to have the dog during the time your SIL is there?

musicmadness · 30/11/2011 10:07

It's not unreasonable for her not to want to be in a house with the dog. It is unreasonable of her to insist that the family that own the dog are separated from the dog at considerable cost at Christmas. In her own home she has every right to say the dog cannot come in but this isn't her home. If the PIL are ok with the dog (and it sounds like they are) I would say it is up to the SIL to not come or pay for kennels if she is that determined that the dog must not be there. It is her making things awkward, not the OP.

No one is saying that she has to like the dog! Just that her preferences should not be treated as more important than the OPs outside of her own house.

pictish · 30/11/2011 10:08

I agree musicmadness.

CurrySpice · 30/11/2011 10:08

Well I would be very unhappy about having to share my Christmas with someone else's dog (I feel the same way as sovery) and it would spoil my Christmas tbh.

I sounds like the OP's SiL has a very real issue here and maybe she is genuinely terrified of the dog. And no matter how silly some of you think that is, if she is scared she's scared and it is wrong to dismiss those feelings because you don't share them.

OP, try talking to her. But approach it sympathetically. If you can see she has a genuine problem you may be able to reach an understanding among yourselves

Hope it works out

marriedandwreathedinholly · 30/11/2011 10:10

I'm not keen on dogs; dd is terrified of them since a dog jumped on her in the park when she was 4 leaving claw marks down her back. If we were invited to spend Christmas and other visitors were bringing a dog, we would decline the invitation if we did not know the dog and didn't feel secure that the owners/hosts were fully aware of our situation and respectful of dd's very real fears.

HazleNutt · 30/11/2011 10:11

SIL is being U. For me it's not the costs, but my dogs are a part of my family and I will not lock them in some kennel during holidays. Especially considering that they are trained, well behaved, will not slobber, bark, steal food or jump.

PIL's house, their rules. If they are fine with the dog then they are fine.

Original poster
bex2011 · 30/11/2011 10:12

The main problem is definitely the breed. I have seen SiL encourage the children to say hello to a spaniel in the street.

I fully appreciate that not everyone likes dogs and they would not be in the position that dog licks children etc as they would be in sepetate rooms.

PiL love the dog, welcome her into their home, have her when we go away etc.

The solution will be that we stay at home for Xmas and go to PiLs when the others have gone. Really sad for the PiLs as they really want their whole family together....including dog!

OP posts:
SantasStrapon · 30/11/2011 10:14

I'm afraid I would consider it her problem. If she has issues with a contained well behaved dog in the house and is not allergic, then she is the one who will have to compromise.

There is no way I would put LittleDog in kennels. Ever. Or FailCat in a cattery.