Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask SiL to pay kennel fees for our dog over Xmas?

412 replies

bex2011 · 30/11/2011 09:00

We have been invited to my PiL over Xmas along with DH's brother and his family. They have said they will only go if our dog goes into kennels. SiL has a real problem with the dog and her children being in the same house. We have FiL has said he will put a baby gate at the kitchen door and the dog can stay behind that. Dog and children wouldn't need to be in the same room at all. This isn't good enough. Dog shows no signs at all of agression. She is fine with my niece and nephew and has adapted really well to having a baby in the house. Everyone who knows the dog and the situation thinks it's ridiculous and there is no reason why dog and children can't be together.

They will be at inlaws from Xmas day lunchtime until boxing day evening. The kennels have said that dog would need to go in Xmas eve before lunch until day after boxing day, totalling 4 days of kennel fees.

AIBU to ask them to foot the bill for this? Part of me knows that I am, but they show no degree of compromise to find a situation that works.

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 30/11/2011 09:03

She sounds a bit uptight, but no you can't ask her to pay, it's your dog, your responsibility.

Trills · 30/11/2011 09:06

YABU.

Your SIL is BU as well, but you can't expect her to pay.

You can (if you like) say to your PIL that you can't afford kennels so if your well-behaved behind-a-gate dog can't be in the house then you can't come, and see if they will negotiate with SIL on your behalf.

It is their house, they can choose who they invite, and if other people feel that they can't come then that's not your problem.

Birdsgottafly · 30/11/2011 09:06

If your PIL's have a secure garden and the saftey gate is a workable solution, then i wouldn't put him in kennels.

Even if he is vacinated against kennel cough, it doesn't always fully protect them. I had to nurse and nearly lost a previous very healthy GS through secondary pneumonia, after being in kennels and picking up possiple kennel cough.

It depends on how under control your dog is, of course. If she has a very bad irrational fear of dogs then that may be different.

Sparklingbrook · 30/11/2011 09:07

I would be tempted to stay at home with the dog over Christmas if I were you. Pets are part of the family. Sad

You could say if the dog can't come then we aren't coming?

Ifancyashandy · 30/11/2011 09:09

Baby gate and vigilance is enough. If she chooses not to attend with those measures in place, that it's her choice. You've compromised, so should she.

pictish · 30/11/2011 09:11

What is her beef with the dog then?

StealthPenguin · 30/11/2011 09:12

Your house, your rules

My new motto.

StealthPenguin · 30/11/2011 09:12

Wait, ever mind. Thought they were coming to you. Serves me right for coming on Mumsnet before I've had my cuppa!

StealthPenguin · 30/11/2011 09:13

Still, SIL should shove it. You've compromised, so should she.

Sparklingbrook · 30/11/2011 09:13

Thinks of dog all alone in kennels on Christmas Day. Sad

4madboys · 30/11/2011 09:14

well i wont let dogs in my house and if visitors want to come and stay then they have to put their dogs in kennels and pay themselves, its not my issue that they have a dog, its their responsiblity.

IF you were going to your sil house then i would say she is nbu BUT this is your inlaws house and presumably they think the dog is ok in their house, so its not your sil call to make, the way your fil wants to sort it sounds fine presuming no one has a dog allergy or a real fear of dogs.

i would be wary of causing a row over xmas day, find out the whole cost (likely to be expensive) and maybe say if she really wants the dog to be in kennels then she should at least pay half?

wannaBe · 30/11/2011 09:16

if your ILs are fine about having the dog in the house then I would just say to SIL that if she wants to not come that's her choice. I wouldn't compromise any further on this and I wouldn't be the one to back down.

I can't get my head round these hysterical idiots that make such a big deal about dogs and children and they should IMO be treated with the intolerance they deserve.

ditavonteesed · 30/11/2011 09:16

tell them you will leave the dog if they leave their kids, you donnt want germy kids near your baby.

Primafacie · 30/11/2011 09:16

You are both invited by PILs. It is up to them to decide who should prevail, you with your dog or SIL. If they decide the dog can't come, you cannot ask SIL to foot kennel bill. all you can do is vote with your feet.

Even if they decide the dog can come, but SIL says she won't come then, I would put the dog in a kennel as an act of kindness to her. I love dogs, but I am aware some people have a very deep seated unease around them and you are unlikely to change that.

AnnieLobeseder · 30/11/2011 09:17

Well, it is your dog and your responsibility but not your decision to put the dog in kennels, so why should you foot the bill? What do your PIL say? It's their house and their decision I guess. I would ask her to pay, TBH; kennels are very expensive, especially over Christmas. You've tried to compromise, so unless her DC are highly allergic to dogs, I'm baffled as to why it would be an issue to keep dogs and children separate.

thestringcheesemassacre · 30/11/2011 09:18

You need to let the inlaws make the decision.
Do they have a garage/utility room that you could secure the dog in?

youtalkintome · 30/11/2011 09:18

YABU to ask her to pay. Its up to your ILs what they decide to do, i wouldn't have a dog in my house.

pictish · 30/11/2011 09:21

I need to know what the sils problem with the dog is first.
Is she allergic, is the dog a pit bull or something, does she just not like dogs?

TandB · 30/11/2011 09:22

I am generally of the view that people with dogs should respect the fact that not everyone likes them and and avoid creating situations where their dog is causing upset to someone.

But in this case I think you would be quite within your rights to simply accept the invitation, with the dog, and let your SIL make her own decision about whether she wants to attend or not. It is not her house and she is effectively trying to impose house-rules on her PIL who I assume have no problem with the dog. You really can't accept an invitation with a caveat that your hosts impose some condition/restriction on the attendance of their other guests.

I would simply say that you aren't in a position to pay for 4 days worth of kennel fees and give her the option of paying to kennel the dog herself or not attending.

Is this definitely about the dog or does she just not really want to come to her PILs and is looking for excuses?

musicmadness · 30/11/2011 09:24

TBH I wouldn't be going anywhere on xmas without my dog. It's your PILs house, what do they say? If she isn't willing to compromise then I guess that your PIL will have to decide who they would rather have if you don't want to put the dog in kennels (wouldn't blame you one bit - and that's nothing to do with the cost which is likely to be very high!).

Not a nice situation though, good luck with sorting it out.

TandB · 30/11/2011 09:26

I should add that if the dog had any form at all for aggression towards the children, or anyone else, I would be giving a completely different answer!

My SIL had a terrier that she never bothered to train properly and it bit one of her teenage sister's friends and always reacted highly aggressively to DP and myself because it didn't see us often. On more than one occasion DP finished up physically holding it off.

The dog finished up being put down after they had a baby - I didn't agree with that at all but they always do what they want to do - but had it still been around then I would have been saying that I wouldn't attend PILs house with DS if the dog was there and I would have been sticking to that.

babybythesea · 30/11/2011 09:27

Horrible situation for you. I wouldn't dream of leaving my dog behind (I just don't visit people who won't have her, or I leave her with family. She's never been kenneled in her life). But equally, I love big family gatherings. We're lucky - the whole family is dog mad so between us we will have 5 dogs around on Christmas Day. And part of the day is about the dogs (as in, everybody going out for a big communal walk is a big part of our tradition - 4 generations all having a laugh outside) and if anyone even suggested leaving the dogs in a kennel there'd be an outcry!
I think if you were going to your SIL's I'd be tempted to say no thanks -I just would resent paying fees unnecessarily, and then be sat there missing the walks etc that are such a big part of the routine and thinking of the dog in kennels.

Going to your PIL's - not sure. I think I'd have to say to the PIL that you know it puts them in an awkward situation but you really don't want to put the dog in kennels for an extended period when it's not necessary so you totally understand if they want to see SIL but it might mean you can't go.

Children and dogs? Are they frightened of them (genuinely?) Or is she a germ freak and thinks the kids will catch diseases? If the former, much harder to manage, but if the latter, what on earth does she plan to do with the kids for the rest of their lives every time they spot a dog? How to foster fear and suspicion in one easy step...

4madboys · 30/11/2011 09:34

yeah i think there 2 issues are WHY does she not like the dog, is it real fear or allergies.

and what do your inlaws think, ultimately its their house so up them if they want the dog, so either they risk upsetting the sil by saying yes to the dog but with the gates etc or they upset you by saying no dog, i am guessing they are stuck and in a bit of a quandry actually so from that pov i would maybe put the dog in kennels to make THEIR life easier, naturally they want to see you all on xmas and its lovely of them to invite you, so from the pov of being polite to the host, it may be nice to do what makes it easier for them. but if they genuinely dont mind the dog and are happy with the gate arrangement then you could take the dog, providing sil doesnt have a real fear/allergy of the dog.

NinkyNonker · 30/11/2011 09:34

This is SILs decision. As far as you are concerned, you are going with dog. If PILs want to agree with her and ask you not to bring the dog, that is up to them and they need to do so. Until then, carry on as you were.

I wouldn't put my dogs in kennels, I would just bow out gracefully though under duress in this scenario.

Original poster
bex2011 · 30/11/2011 09:35

The children aren't allergic to dogs and when they have been near her (ie dog in the car or something) they have asked to see her but have been told no.

Inlaws love having the dog to stay. They have a big house with plenty of room for everyone.

The ones who will miss out are the PiL as in 6 years they have only had their whole family together a handful of times.

I would never expect to be able to take the dog to SiLs house. However, when new baby arrived we had to have the dog out of the house for a day so they could come and visit!

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread