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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that this is an too much of an ask?

182 replies

Novemberworry · 29/11/2011 21:12

I have been asked (as a last resort) to have my DDs friend (Anna, say) back after school on friday just for 2ish hours as it's the only time my DF can squeeze in a hair appointment. This is absolutely fine - the girls' get on well together and I'm always happy to help a friend in need. In fact its lovely that they're getting together out of school as theres been a few friend issues - another litle girl (Bella) who had previously played nicely with DD and Anna, and had been welcomed at our house (where she was terribly badly behaved and I think some things of DDs went missing, but I try not to think the worst) has tried to drive a wedge between DD and Anna to the point where DD is constantly, nastily excluded by Bella. I understand Anna is not blameless in this, and I have spoken to DD about true friends and tried to encourage other friendships. She seems to have settled a bit now but it has taken a year.The nastiness that Bella displays is unbelievable when she thinks she isn't being watched, but she plays the game is a very likeable child when she wants (or needs) to be iyswim? Anna is lovely to DD when they are one to one.
So I was quite looking forward to friday and was certainly willing to extend the play time if it was all going swimmingly.
The problem now is - Anna's mom has just texted and said "Oh I forgot that Bella is coming for a sleepover on Friday - you don't mind picking one more of them up do you - I'll be back by 6 at the latest and grab them both and go?" Sad
So, now I have to endure Bella excluding my DD at her own house and having DD feel crap when they go off and have a sleepover at Anna's house, making her feel even more of the spare part.
AIBU to think that this is a bit of a mickeytake of my friend (who knows there have been issues - but not the extent of them)?

(PS - sorry have namechanged just in case)

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 29/11/2011 21:15

Just say 'no, sorry, Bella and DD don't get on.' You will be seriously letting your DD down if you say anything else.

Catsdontcare · 29/11/2011 21:16

Just be very honest with her if she is a friend she will understand. Don't put your dd in a horrible situation just so your friend can get a hair cut. Very cheeky of IMO anyway!

helpmabob · 29/11/2011 21:18

Incredibly cheeky and I agree be honest and say no

Novemberworry · 29/11/2011 21:18

But I'll be letting my friend down - and I'm the last person she could ask to cover those 2 hours.

OP posts:
Kayzr · 29/11/2011 21:19

I certainly wouldn't be letting someone come to my house who is horrible to one of my children.

You have to say no.

pinkappleby · 29/11/2011 21:19

You really have to say no, your friend cannot expect to hae hair cut and sleep over on the same day. She needs to cancel one.

plainwhitet · 29/11/2011 21:19

I don't think you need to go into it at all.
"No, sorry, cannot have the extra one. Let me know if you still want me to have Anna." End of.
And don't have the Bella child. Horrid for your dd.

pinkappleby · 29/11/2011 21:20

If you go ahead you are basically saying you care more about her daughter having a sleep over than your own daughter being happy.

Kayzr · 29/11/2011 21:20

So your friend getting a haircut is more important than your dd?

I have to take my DSes when I have my haircut.

FabbyChic · 29/11/2011 21:21

Say NO> You agreed to have one child for two hours not two, thats an unbelievable cheek she has just so she can get her hair done. She made prior arrangements now she puts them on you? Fuck that grow a back bone woman.

HeidiKat · 29/11/2011 21:21

Can't Bella go home to her own house for those two hours and friend pick her up after she gets Anna from you?

Elliott · 29/11/2011 21:21

It's only a haircut, she'll have to choose. Agree it would be unfair on your dd.

troisgarcons · 29/11/2011 21:22

Sorry - but dont have Bella ...Bellas mum can drop Bellas to your friends house later.

Or your friend can reschedule her hair appt.

TBH .... your friend has excluded your DD in favour of Bella .... I think thats actually a pretty shit thing to do, as in, ask two kids to go to another kids house , and you know they will be bigging it up that they are having a sleep over and your Dd is excluded from it.

Sod that.

Besom · 29/11/2011 21:22

Agree with everyone else. This was not part of the deal. If she wants you to have her dd she'll need to postpone the sleepover.

Dozer · 29/11/2011 21:23

Um, do what's best for your dd and say no to bella, dd is more important than your (inconsiderate) friend's hair!

abbierhodes · 29/11/2011 21:23

No you won't be letting your friend down. She'll just have to make other arrangements for Bella, that's all. Or not agree to have other people's children for the evening then book a haircut.

Cathycomehome · 29/11/2011 21:23

I'd def say no too. She'll either have to cancel the sleepover, or pick Bella up from her own house later on. I think it's totally unfair for your daughter to have someone who's horrible to her back to her house, and maybe be excluded there, and then have to watch the other two go off together for a sleepover!

mosschops30 · 29/11/2011 21:24

I would say no, if she has arranged to have another child over she shouldnt have made a hair appointment.
Say no!

Cathycomehome · 29/11/2011 21:24

Ha! I typed too slow! X post with everyone.

MarthasHarbour · 29/11/2011 21:24

Definitely not. I agree with plainwhitet you should be matter of fact and say no to Bella. I wouldnt put my friend's hair cut before my DS.

Hard i know but you need to stand up for your DD

nellyjane · 29/11/2011 21:25

Never mind letting your friend down - I think she's letting you down as a friend by being so thoughtless about your daughter's feelings.

That would be just horrible for your daughter - not only having someone in her home who is mean to her, but then to have it rubbed in her face that she has not been invited to the sleepover.

How rude and inconsiderate of your 'friend' to even ask.

PengPeng · 29/11/2011 21:25

Oh no, so your DD will be playing with them knowing they're going to have a sleepover but she's not allowed to be there? That's really horrible.

You can teach your DD about true friends partly through leading by example - don't let her be treated this way.

bumpybecky · 29/11/2011 21:25

say no!

your daughter needs to feel safe in her own home. There's no way I'd be bringing Bella there under these circumstances

Novemberworry · 29/11/2011 21:26

Erm. Bella's mom is on a Spa day prior to an evening out. Anna's mum is at the hairdressers as she's on an evening out.
I'm stuck aren't I?
Sad
I'm getting more upset by the minute.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 29/11/2011 21:26

Absolutely you need to say no.

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