to think that this is an too much of an ask?

[Novemberworry]

I have been asked (as a last resort) to have my DDs friend (Anna, say) back after school on friday just for 2ish hours as it's the only time my DF can squeeze in a hair appointment. This is absolutely fine - the girls' get on well together and I'm always happy to help a friend in need. In fact its lovely that they're getting together out of school as theres been a few friend issues - another litle girl (Bella) who had previously played nicely with DD and Anna, and had been welcomed at our house (where she was terribly badly behaved and I think some things of DDs went missing, but I try not to think the worst) has tried to drive a wedge between DD and Anna to the point where DD is constantly, nastily excluded by Bella. I understand Anna is not blameless in this, and I have spoken to DD about true friends and tried to encourage other friendships. She seems to have settled a bit now but it has taken a year.The nastiness that Bella displays is unbelievable when she thinks she isn't being watched, but she plays the game is a very likeable child when she wants (or needs) to be iyswim? Anna is lovely to DD when they are one to one.
So I was quite looking forward to friday and was certainly willing to extend the play time if it was all going swimmingly.
The problem now is - Anna's mom has just texted and said "Oh I forgot that Bella is coming for a sleepover on Friday - you don't mind picking one more of them up do you - I'll be back by 6 at the latest and grab them both and go?"
So, now I have to endure Bella excluding my DD at her own house and having DD feel crap when they go off and have a sleepover at Anna's house, making her feel even more of the spare part.
AIBU to think that this is a bit of a mickeytake of my friend (who knows there have been issues - but not the extent of them)?

(PS - sorry have namechanged just in case)

Right ok, that's good then.

You do realise that Bella and Anna (and particularly Bella) will enjoy rubbing their sleepover in your dd's face on Friday evening? They will talk about what they're going to do together, and if bella is the little witch you seem to think she is, she'll revel in it.
We are all girls here - we know....don't we ladies?

Just say no. It's not fucking rocket science.

I think madam52 text sounds very fair. Write it now and you will sleep better for it otherwise you'll be worrying about it all night. She texted you so it's not a cop out.

This shouldn't be a hard decision for you, if it is then there is more riding on this then you're letting on.

You aren't a crap mum but honestly this is nothing you should be crying over. Just tell A's mum that you can't take B too. It's up to B's mum to find her own childcare arrangements for her spa day.

I would not be able to entertain 2 other children in my house who have past form with bullying / nastiness / excluding my child, knowing they were having a sleepover later from which my child was excluded.

I would call A's mum and say you aren't prepared to have B too but will still pick up A if she would like.

Yes I'd like to look smart but I wouldn't be on a night out if my kids were having a sleepover.

Look it's really really simple. You have 2 choices.

1. You have both girls and your DD feels like shit and feels her Mum doesn't care a little bit about her feelings.
2. You tell Anna's mum that you will not have Bella as she is horrible to your DD and you care about protecting her in her own home. You'll still have Anna if she needs you too.

It's a no brainier surely.

So if she is lovely she will understand.

I don't get this November, why can't you just ring your lovely friend and explain the situation.

Is her hair really more important than 2+ hours of bitchiness towards your dd

Hurrah shineoncrazydiamond - the voice of reason!

All I'm haring from you is 'blah blah blah excuses excuses blah blah'. Take action!!!

And no, if it was a choice between potentially really upsetting my friends daughter, a child, and having my hair looking fancy I would choose to do my hair myself

And who the hell goes on a spa day to prepare for a night out!!!

Blimey, some people place a whole lot of importance on having pretty hair for a night out.

If there was any risk of anyone upsetting my DD the claws would be out, I wouldn't invite them into their/our home with a smile and let them get on with it. And then let DD wave them off to a cosy sleepover.

Hair being smart for night out not the end of the world. Not even near the end of the world. Just one of those things.

It is reallyreally not that big a deal for you to just say what others have suggested - "sorry, but dd is having big friendship issues with Bella who is trying to isolate her and stop her making friends. It would be very hard on dd having Bella here too."

OP, wake up. who cares about Anna's mother's hair cut? for goodness sake get your priorities straight. You do not need to say anything controversial AT ALL just TEXT "Sorry cannot have other child. Will still have Anna if you want? Let me know". and leave it at that. no explanation, no apology, no reason required. DO IT NOW (after ten pm too late and don't put it off till tomorrow.)

You have 3 DC?? Well there is definitely not enough room for 'Bella' - problem solved.

Hopenglorys response is perfect.

OP, I find it very hard to say no to people too. But every single poster on this thread has said you need to get out of this. I'm struggling to see why you are finding it so difficult. Have you already said yes? Do you find saying no to people a problem generally?

OP, why did you post here if you don't want to listen to any advice and are making excuses to avoid doing what is suggested? What did you expect everyone to say?

3 girls though - that can be nasty, even if they start out as friends. It's just a very awkward number.

Just text her. no biggie

Well, I wouldn't invite someone known to bully and exclude my child over to our house. Not sure that is an over reaction.

But kids do remember bullying and home is the one place where you should feel secure. But obviously your friend looking good on her night out, is more important to you

How old are these girls anyway?

What does your DD say about the idea of Bella coming over?