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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my dh is a total twat

216 replies

VivaLeBeaver · 26/11/2011 23:03

hes just got back from a jolly fucking holiday in Spain. Second holiday without us this year.

He went a few days after I was discharged from hospital after a week stay with a slipped disc. He actually booked it last minute while I was in hospital.
When he left I was still pretty much bed bound and sleeping a lot due to morphine.

While he's been one dd has been poorly with a terrible old and has been off school for three days. I've hadthis awful cold, possible flu. Terrible sore throat, raised temp, sweating buckets, not sleeping.

He's come back and is slamming around downstairs. I was in bed. After 30 mins I o down, he's ignoring me. I ask him what the problem is and he's moaning about the house being a mess.

It's not that fucking bad. Front room is cluttered as dd has been doing craft stuff which I couldnt face sorting, I haven't hoovered as I'm not allowed due to my back. Kitchen has been cleaned but dishwasher needed stacking. There are some bits on the stairs that need bringing up.

How fucking dare he be such a cunt. He's had a weeks holiday and left me home sick. I'd never have gone if he'd been as bad as I was when he left. Yes he didn't know I was going o get this bad cold, flu thing buti was really bad with my back. I've told him how upset I feel and he's still not talking to me.

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 26/11/2011 23:20

I'm with him due to lack of balls I think. I've been here before so many times with him.

OP posts:
LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 26/11/2011 23:21

Do you want to be with him?

RealityIsADistantMemory · 26/11/2011 23:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Appuskidu · 26/11/2011 23:21

Christ-what a tw*t.

Is he seeing someone else and trying to push you into chucking him out so that it's your fault and not his? I can't think of how else this sort of behaviour could be justified (I use the term v loosely)??

AlwaysSudden · 26/11/2011 23:22

Run. Run away & never look back.

SlinkingOutsideInSocks · 26/11/2011 23:22

Sorry OP, I'm going to get completely flamed, but I'm losing more and more sympathy for you with every post you write. :(

You don't actually have to put up with this arsehole, right...?

Theas18 · 26/11/2011 23:22

This turning into a paorody of a mumsnet thread...

"he's a dickhead" "how dare he" "leave bstard" etc

But diva, all the comments might be a bit "hackneyed" but they are right!!

How dare he do that to you when you are ill and not even, at other times contribute to his DD going on holiday.... You'd probably get more financial input throught f*ing CSA by the sound of it.

You are bring controlled and financially and emotionally abused. You are a strong woman with a good brain. Use it and get out before he destroys you as person and you start to think this is "normal".

pictish · 26/11/2011 23:22

Well viva this treatment is so catasrophically unacceptable that I hope you find some balls now, and kick his sorry carcass out the door before bolting it behind him. What a fucking SHIT he is!

LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 26/11/2011 23:22

No. Tell him to go. If you don't want to stay with him, you have nothing to lose, and a lot to gain.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/11/2011 23:23

If we split up I'd seriously have to leave work. I'm a midwife and I love my job, plus I'd not get anything else so well paid.

I know he'd have to look after dd still, but it would be set days. Were about o get e rostering atwork so I'll have no say in my shifts. I could easily get a late shift on a day when he's not having her. She's only 10 so I can't leave her home alone.

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Moodykat · 26/11/2011 23:23

Grow some then Viva! What a cunt.

God, I get a bit stressy if DH gets more magazines than me a month! A whole fucking holiday for himself whilst refusing to fork out for me and the kids and I would leave.
I'll say it again. What. A. Cunt.

flatbread · 26/11/2011 23:23

I am speechless, like Shock Shock Shock

If my dh ever did that, even if it was in my dreams, I would make him squirm and suffer, till he begged for mercy.

Seriously, time for you to crack the whip and assert yourself. He sounds like a complete wanker!!!

DizzyCow63 · 26/11/2011 23:24

YADNBU, he sounds like a prize knob tbh, and you shouldn't put up with it anymore. Angry for you.

pooka · 26/11/2011 23:24

Lack of balls completely understandable.

Is hard to actually make that leap.

But he doesn't seem to be adding to your life. Or to be engaged with you and dd and the downs as well as the ups.

Is there any way you could modify hours o they're more solidly in school day with minimal child are costs?

AgentZigzag · 26/11/2011 23:24

What stopped you from leaving before Viva?

LoopyLoopsRootyFroots · 26/11/2011 23:25

It's sortable Viva. Really, it is. There will be a way around the child care issue.

Do your shift patterns change every week?

tiredemma · 26/11/2011 23:25

VIva- we are on e-rostering at work and there are ways around it.

Dont let e-roserting tie you to this scrotum.

lollystix · 26/11/2011 23:25

Would you actually be financially better off without him? If he earns 3 times as much he'd have to make maintenance payments through the csa which could be more than he contributes now? Divorce could be the best solution all round- you don't have to live with an abusive, selfish twat any longer and you could be financially better off. Seriously I would leave-what are you really getting out if this relationship? - you only gave one life remember.

Moodykat · 26/11/2011 23:25

Sorry, I keep x-posting. Sounds like a tricky situation with childcare. Any family help possible?

Albrecht · 26/11/2011 23:25

Why would it have to be set days? Family mediation could help you work out a pattern that works for you ie same as now he takes care of her when you work.

gallicgirl · 26/11/2011 23:26

You know what? It's ok to leave work for a while. Change the locks while he's gone, see a solicitor and make him pay for his kid for once.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/11/2011 23:26

It's the same worry that's stopped me leaving before.

And I worry about finances, not being able to afford a mortgage, etc. His job is unstable and if he got made redentdent I'd get no csa

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 26/11/2011 23:27

poor you, Viva, that's shite.

Please click on the link, a few of us needs reminding, I think.

nancy75 · 26/11/2011 23:27

Chuck him out, get a live in au pair and make him pay for it.

VivaLeBeaver · 26/11/2011 23:28

I clear £1200 a month Inc unsocial hours. It's not enough to live on is it?

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