to not want DP to go on this stag do?

[thatspanishgirl]

Just need some outside opinions, please.

DP's best friend is getting married and they've decided to have a holiday instead of the normal night down the bar. This is sort of a tradition with their group of friends - any time one gets married they all take a 3 or 4 day break to Spain or somewhere similar. I've never had a problem with this - DP works hard and deserves a few days away.

But, DP's BF has decided that 4 days isn't long enough obviously and they need to go away for two weeks! I'm not happy with this as the holiday will be at the end of January - when, praying all is well, we will have a 4 week old baby.

DP doesn't see this as a problem as he will be here for the birth, the first couple of weeks and "after all, they don't really do much at that age, do they?" Well no maybe they don't but I would still like him here, with us, spending our first couple of months as a family.

Added to this, they're going to Turkey this year so if anything was to go wrong then he'd be a 5 and a half hour flight away. Of course he reckons this isn't a problem and he can get home asap if needed.

What do you think?

I think 2 weeks is too long to be honest

I'd be ok with 4 days but 2 weeks is taking the piss imo

Are you kidding?!

Have you a mum/sister/awesome friend you can move in to help you out?

YABU I think if you do have a support network...if not, YANBU, then could he just go for part of it instead?

I think that's too much. 3 or 4 days as you say would be fine but I don't know why he'd even want to be away for that long when you have a new baby. Is this your first? What if you have to have a C section and find the first few weeks recovering very difficult? I think he's being unreasonable.

Agree with Worra (as almost always!)

That's a bit too selfish. You're going to need him around for the first few months, cementing his position as "Dad" and sharing the nappies/feeds/nightly wakings. Otherwise you'll just crack under pressure.

YANB at all U. I can't believe anyone could be so insensitive as to think this might be ok!

YANBU Two weeks is taking the piss IMO

He should be there to help and bond with the baby.

Oh, you lot are fast :)

DoesNotGiveAFig, my family are about two hours away. I do have friends close by but most of them have their own families and children so no-one that would be available to move in or anything. I have suggested he go for a few days then fly home himself but I don't even think he considered that as an option tbh.

WineAndPizza, yep, our first.

I would outright ask the friend what he thinks!

Put him on the spot, in front of your dp. Watch them try and justify it. Hopefully they will realise it's unrealistic

2 Weeks! I wouldn't be happy with that.

YANBU!

You could, potentially, go two weeks overdue and then end up with a c-section/tough delivery etc and not be terribly fir by two weeks post birth. I had a CS with DD, it was as smooth a recovery as it could have been, and there is no way I would have wanted to be alone for 2 weeks when she was less than a month old.

Is this your first baby? I think he is being an utter jerk to be honest. And I know some people's husbands will have had to go away for work etc when baby is tiny, but this is optional.

2 weeks for a stag do?!? Is the honeymoon even going to be that long? I wonder if the bride is even ok with it. 3 or 4 days I would put up with though.

Even if you're BFing there is plenty he can and SHOULD be doing for you - nappies, cooking, winding, more housework, settling baby so you can rest.

It shouldn't be left to friends and family TBH - he chose to make a baby with you and should be there to look after said baby instead of swanning off for 2 weeks.

Nope two weeks is far too long. Three days, four days- fine. Any longer than that i'd think he was a selfish twat for even considering it.

If my dh had asked me this I would have laughed hysterically and then done this face

No YANBU-if he persists in making an issue of it then tell him that you have decided that you need a 2 week hol to recover from the pregnancy and birth and will be leaving him in charge of your newborn-you will get the utmost satisfaction when you see the colour drain from his face!

YANBU

There is no way I would want dh to miss out on those precious first few weeks of you all getting to know each other as a family (regardless of what the rest of your support network looks like).

He may find he feels very different once the baby is actually here. But even if he doesn't he absolutely shouldn't be away on holiday for two weeks when the baby is so tiny! And if he's getting pressure from his friends they are seriously out of order. If he goes at all, could it be for the middle weekend, maybe?

However, "Otherwise you'll just crack under pressure." is a bonkers thing to say!

I would be pissed off with 2 weeks even without a 4 week old in the picture. Am assuming he gets a standard 25 days holiday a year.

Does he really think using up 40% of his holiday allocation on a stag do is fair?

I went 2 weeks overdue then had an EMCS. No way could I have coped on my own for 2 weeks in the early weeks - and this is despite, like Scotsgirl23, being fortunate to have recovered as easily and well as is possible, but I still needed help.

Plus, even if you have a good delivery and are physically ok, your DH will miss out on that early bonding.

Agree with consensus - 4 days absolutely no issue, 2 weeks is not reasonable.

I agree with everyone else. Yanbu. He isn't being realistic.

Absolutely ludicrous.

I presume when you say 4 week old baby that you are working from your due date. If your baby is late, he/she might only be 2 weeks old when your "D"P would be going away.

And tell him that yes, babies are doing "much" at that stage. They are hard work and need a lot of attention. What if you are recovering from a c section/unable to drive etc? At that stage, a baby will (likely) be getting you up multiple times in the night.

Even if he commits to this holiday, he might actually realise once the baby is born that he is needed at home and not go on the holiday. But then he will lose his money.

Try and have him speak to a friend who has got a young baby/toddler so that he can realise that going away on a 2 week lads holiday when your baby has just been born is appalling.

Two weeks way too long. YANBU.

Life with a newborn is knackering and you will want him to be alongside of you. Why not suggest a compromise of a few days away instead?

Hell NO YANBU!!!

I am assuming this is your first child and your DP has just made a massive, twattish error of judgement?

But this would be ringing major alarm bells for me. Have you actually had a conversation about how much your lives are about to change? Does he see the baby as "your job"? If so I would be seriously worried about the future. You need to face the first few hellish nb weeks as a TEAM. It's a lot easier to have the necessary discussions NOW rather than waiting until you are a sleep-deprived, panicking, hormonal mess.

How can you afford this?