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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be stunned that school could have sent DS 4 YR home in this state???

270 replies

sponkle · 21/11/2011 20:13

My DS who is 4 was extremely upset when I collected him at home time this afternoon.

He was unusually the last out (they have a policy of bringing the children to the door and sending them off to parents once they have checked they are there) The TA approached me and told me that he had become upset as they were lining up at the door to leave.

It is not at all like him to be upset at pick up time and so I was asking him what the matter was and giving him a cuddle. I smelled a funny smell and asked him if he had had an accident, he said No.

The TA told me he had stepped in something. The teacher then told me he had been fine all day but that he hadn't eaten his lunch. I asked him if he needed to go inside to go to the loo and he refused, telling me he just wanted to go home. I noticed he was walking strangely as we were walking home. He was still very upset.

When we got home it was apparent that he had had an accident, so I stripped him off and put him in the bath, at which point he lost it and was crying and shaking uncontrollably.

Poor thing had had diorreah and the combination of this and being wet had left his legs incredibly swollen and bleeding and weeping as it had macerated his skin. He couldn't sit in the bath or bear to get it wet.

He couldn't sit or lie down at all and once I had managed to calm him down and clean him up as best I could without touching it, which took some time, I called the surgery to speak to the nurse. She told me to put sudocrem on it which I did and give him some calpol. He didn't sit down all afternoon.

I tried to give him another bath before bed but it was too sore for him to sit, still weeping and oozing all the way down to his knees. He is asleep now in bed, even though lying down is very sore for him.

At no point did the school call me today. it was obvious he had had an accident. When I asked him when it happened he told me at lunchtime.

I am so upset that the school didn't notice, or at least if they did call me to come and either sort it out or collect him.

AIBU??? I feel like going to talk to the Head tomorrow. he will not be at school tomorrow as he cannot even get dressed, despite having had an upset tummy. This is his first accident at school, so it isn't as if it's a regular thinh that they are fed up with dealing with. Any comments???

sorry so long, just upset.

OP posts:
wonderwooman · 21/11/2011 20:19

Your poor, poor DS.

I would be seething and am incredulous that the school didn't follow up in checking him out more thoroughly, especially as YR can't always express themselves properly.

I would be having serious words with the school.

Millie1 · 21/11/2011 20:19

No YANBU! That's absolutely shocking, your poor little boy. The TA obviously noticed the smell if she was able to tell you that he had stepped in something. In our school, if the kids get their shoes wet or muddy outside, they take them off at the classroom door .... I can't understand how any staff member could just assume a 4 yr old had stood in something without investigating further. Definitely have a word - maybe class teacher to start with?

lifechanger · 21/11/2011 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KurriKurri · 21/11/2011 20:21

I think you are right to be upset, poor wee chap. Sad
I can't really believe no one noticed he was distressed or needed help, - if they didn't they should be more observant. The fact that they left him soiled for so long he became sore is dreadful.

I would be having a word, so that you can be reassured this won't happen again. And so that you in turn can reassure your DS that if he does has an accident he just needs to ask someone to ring mummy, (or whatever system you work out.)

Hope he's feeling better soon.

ChesterDraws · 21/11/2011 20:22

YANBU
I would write a letter of complaint and make an appointment to see the head.

DeepPurple · 21/11/2011 20:23

Awwww poor thing! YANBU.

savoycabbage · 21/11/2011 20:23

Sad that made me cry! Your poor ds.

Emski76 · 21/11/2011 20:24

Yanbu, to say I would be devastated in your position is an underestimate. Get a letter of complaint ready. I would be furious! Your poor boy.

DeWe · 21/11/2011 20:24

I'd talk to the school, but as lifechanger says, don't go in all guns blazing.

He initially told you "no" when you asked, he may well have denied it to the school, and they wouldn't be allowed to go and "check" his pants. If they'd known I'd have expected them to send him home for 48 hours as seems to be standard policy for D&V.

planetpotty · 21/11/2011 20:25

Poor DS and poor you YANBU at all.

I would be livid - def speak to head teacher.

Hmm to the "he's stepped in something" ?? At school?? And they would not have sorted that??

EdithWeston · 21/11/2011 20:25

Your poor DS! I hope his skin recovers overnight.

But as you didn't notice what was really wrong until you got home and he covered it up whilst on the school premises (accounting for the smell as from poo on his shoes).

I think your first step is to find out from him why he went to such lengths to conceal his illness from staff (who by year 4 he should know can help him, and/or arrange for him to go home). There may be more amiss here than the diahorrhea.

lisad123 · 21/11/2011 20:26

Appalling behaviour from the school. I would complain in writing.
Poor ds, hope he feels better very soon x

stuffthenonsense · 21/11/2011 20:26

I hope he feels better soon, it must have been awful for him.
To be fair to the school though if he told YOU he hadnt had an accident, then he would be even less likely to tell his teacher and of course they are not allowed to check, that would be considered abuse.
Its awful, it really is, and i do hope he feels better soon....as far as back to school is concerned, he needs to be tummybug free for 48hrs before he goes back, which gives you chance to both phone school and get clarification on what happened, and to encourage your little boy that when he feels poorly like that his teacher wont be cross and will call mummy for him.

pigletmania · 21/11/2011 20:27

I would definitely have a chat with his teacher, this is not on. My dd 4 is in foundation, and if they have an accident they clean them up. I was called by the school because dd had sand in her eye and was crying!

ChesterDraws · 21/11/2011 20:27

Edith he is 4 years old, not year 4.
he is still very young and he is still under the EYFS

Original poster
sponkle · 21/11/2011 20:27

The TA told me he had stepped in something. My son didn't suggest that as an excuse. He has autistic traits and finds it difficult to speak up. The teacher is fully aware if this.

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 21/11/2011 20:27

I don't believe for one second that the neither the teacher or the ta knew that ds had an accident. I think they knew but didn't want to deal with it.

I would be absolutly furious.

I hope your ds is feeling better soon.

Backtobedlam · 21/11/2011 20:28

Awww bless him. YANBU-id have been on the phone tonight finding out how nobody noticed this and he was able to spend long enough in dirty clothes for his legs to get into that sore state. If they didn't want to clean him up the least they could have done is clean him up, they must have smelt it at some point.

NinkyNonker · 21/11/2011 20:28

If he had stood in something surely they would have made him remove his shoes to be cleaned before walking around indoors? The only way it would still smell is if they hadn't done this, which as a teacher I find impossible to believe. This leads me to believe they were lying. Not sure why though?

Your poor DS. Sad Definitely investigate further.

icooksocks · 21/11/2011 20:28

YANBU Sad

I would be questioning why my 4 year old was too scared to go and tell the teacher he had an accident. Poor poor baby

talkingnonsense · 21/11/2011 20:30

Unfortunately if he denied it at school they really can't look in his pants. Also, reception classrooms can be a bit stinky and hard to identify individual smells. I'm sure they would have called if they had known as they would not want poo on everything even if they didn't care about his comfort! But you must go in so that they know they missed it and can be more aware in future. Btw it is v odd for skin to blister that quickly, you might want to investigate is he had any infection or allergy.

FannyFifer · 21/11/2011 20:31

The poor wee chap, I would be absolutely furious and would prob take photos and show the school what happened as the result of them leaving him in that state.

Honestly i would be very angry.

pigletmania · 21/11/2011 20:33

Your poor ds Sad My SN dd had a couple of poo accicdents at her MS and they cleaned her up. I send in spare clothes just in case anyway, but I cant believe they noticed a smell and they did nothing. That is abuse, to leave a child in soiled underweare, more abuse than actually doing something about it.

pollywollywoowah · 21/11/2011 20:34

Surely though his trousers would have been wet and the smell must have been awful. And it was blamed on dog poo? I can't believe any TA would have genuinely believed that. They would have looked at his shoes wouldn't they?

I have a 4yr old in yrR and this has made me very sad.

pigletmania · 21/11/2011 20:34

I used to work in a day center for adults with learning disabilities, and we would never leave a client in that state, if we did we would be looking at a disciplinary. How come its not ok for adults, but ok for children to be in their own waste until they go home Hmm