AIBU to be stunned that school could have sent DS 4 YR home in this state???

[sponkle]

My DS who is 4 was extremely upset when I collected him at home time this afternoon.

He was unusually the last out (they have a policy of bringing the children to the door and sending them off to parents once they have checked they are there) The TA approached me and told me that he had become upset as they were lining up at the door to leave.

It is not at all like him to be upset at pick up time and so I was asking him what the matter was and giving him a cuddle. I smelled a funny smell and asked him if he had had an accident, he said No.

The TA told me he had stepped in something. The teacher then told me he had been fine all day but that he hadn't eaten his lunch. I asked him if he needed to go inside to go to the loo and he refused, telling me he just wanted to go home. I noticed he was walking strangely as we were walking home. He was still very upset.

When we got home it was apparent that he had had an accident, so I stripped him off and put him in the bath, at which point he lost it and was crying and shaking uncontrollably.

Poor thing had had diorreah and the combination of this and being wet had left his legs incredibly swollen and bleeding and weeping as it had macerated his skin. He couldn't sit in the bath or bear to get it wet.

He couldn't sit or lie down at all and once I had managed to calm him down and clean him up as best I could without touching it, which took some time, I called the surgery to speak to the nurse. She told me to put sudocrem on it which I did and give him some calpol. He didn't sit down all afternoon.

I tried to give him another bath before bed but it was too sore for him to sit, still weeping and oozing all the way down to his knees. He is asleep now in bed, even though lying down is very sore for him.

At no point did the school call me today. it was obvious he had had an accident. When I asked him when it happened he told me at lunchtime.

I am so upset that the school didn't notice, or at least if they did call me to come and either sort it out or collect him.

AIBU??? I feel like going to talk to the Head tomorrow. he will not be at school tomorrow as he cannot even get dressed, despite having had an upset tummy. This is his first accident at school, so it isn't as if it's a regular thinh that they are fed up with dealing with. Any comments???

sorry so long, just upset.

at your flipflops smell Spermysextowel I have the same pavlovian response to nappy sacks, the cologne does nothing but remind me of what used to go in them!

Really upset thinking what your wee lad was feeling all day, he must have been so self conscious and alone

Morning sponkle. Hope DS is feeling much better today. How do you feel about things re the school now you have slept on it?

More tears here for your poor ds. Hope he gets better soon. I would certainly be having a word with the school.

Hi just read your post and am horrified.

Big hugs for your little brave boy for holding it together until he got home.

If he had trod in dogs mess they would have checked his shoes first, it's not rocket science to work out the rest.

How did you get on with the Head?

Nothing constructive to add except huge sympathy for the little chap. Sounds appalling and I'm not quite sure a) how it could have been missed even if he did deny it and b) how anyone with an ounce of compassion could have left a 4yo in that sort of state. I'd be horrified.

I hope he's ok, poor little mite :( You're right to be furious.

OP - how awful for you.

My DS had an accident yesterday and they couldn't have handled it any more differently to you. DS is fine about going for a wee but seems to poo only at home. For whatever reason yesterday he pooed himself at school and TA took him to the toilet, took off his dirty clothes and he cleaned himself up as best he could with TA's help - he is only 4 1/2 and it is such a shame that TA can do no more than point at where he needs to wipe as he still smelt a little when he came home. School gave him clean trousers as he had his own spare pair of pants.

DS was so upset at his accident and I really feel for you that your poor son was left to sit in his own mess when in reception especially accidents must be a pretty regular occurence.

I hope the school handle things better in future especially as he has SN

I never understood why TAs or teachers can't help wiping bums, etc. I know that generally they shouldn't have to but in an emergency situation like this then why not. It can't be child protection surely as theyve all been crb checked and nursery workers wipe bums. I know 4year olds can generally wipe their own bum but not if they've been poorly like this and it's everywhere.

Not the nicest of jobs but you get on with it. I remember when dd was in reception she had a friend over for tea and he had a poo and asked me to wipe his bum as his mum usually did. Fair enough, one bum is pretty much like another bum and I've never had a problem with wiping dd,s.

Poor little soul - I hope he's feeling a bit better this morning. Viva's right, and in an emergency like this, a teacher or TA ought to have been able to clean your son up and make him comfortable - though as other posters have said, if he was strenuously denying that he'd had an accident, that does complicate things - I assume they can't insist on checking.

Morning. I am really touched by how many lovely caring replies I have had. Thank you.

He slept ok, only waking a few times in the night as he was uncomfortable or wet, but we managed to sort him out and get him back off to sleep no problem. I am amazed by his spirit as despite being very sore still today, he is reasonably chirpy and chuffed to bits that he can sit down. He keeps saying, "Mummy, I can sit down today!" I am letting him have a moochy day with the wii and dvds etc and lots of tlc. He has even managed to put on a pair of what he calls "comfy trousers" (tracky bots) without pants but that's a huge start. Sudocrem in vast quantities is an amazing thing and so is the power of the body to heal while sleeping! He is still very sore but no way nearly as swollen and weeping.

I called the school first thing to report him absent and ask to speak to the Head. I had to explain why to the receptionist who told me that she will speak with him and give him a chance to talk to the teacher and TA concerned before he returns my call. I was very matter of fact and reasonable. I will jot notes when he calls later.

Having been through a tough time with my eldest who has now been diagnosed with ADHD and mild Autism...basically he got chucked out of secondary school as they didn't want to have to deal with him, and he is now at college and much happier, I am fairly used to dealing with Heads and meetings etc. They don't phase me at all and I know which approach tends to be most effective. I always take minutes of any meetings I go to and keep a record of everything.

I shall be pleasant and polite but state my feelings in no uncertain terms and let's just put it this way, perhaps the Head will not consider today one of his finest!

Will keep you posted.

No, they probably can't insist on checking without his agreement but I'd have thought any teacher worth their salt would be able to convince the majority of reception children that it was ok, nothing to be embarrassed about, etc, so that the kid would agree to being helped.

Glad his little bum is on the mend

Good luck with the Head. It doesn't sound like you need it though. Stay cool and calm.

Any teacher who can't see that a child has soiled himself AND persuade them to go and sort it out with them should be severely reprimanded with the threat of the sack if it happens again.
Whatever you do, except no excuses for this-there are none.

He is 4 years old, not 14. The job of a primary school teacher is ensure safety and comfort of their charges. If they can't do that, sack 'em.

Sorry, that should be accept.

Even if he was telling them he hadn't had an accident, surely they'd be used to children being embarrassed about it and a brisk 'come on, I think you have, lets go and sort you out' would have been all that was needed.

My son had a poo accident once when he was in reception, it was pretty bad, he denied it at first but they still sorted him best they could with wet wipes and clean clothes, then phoned me to pick him up as he really needed a bath, but he was pretty much clean and certainly dry when I picked him up.

Your poor boy!

My DS is 4 and had the runs last week while at School.

It was only 10 minutes before the end of the day but they called me anyway so I could bring a change of clothes and I was allowed in the internal door rather than waiting for him in the playground so as not to make it obvious what had happened to everybody else. By the time I got there it was only 5 minutes before home time anyway but I was so glad they didn't wait as he'd been upset by the accident and got to retain some of his dignity by getting sorted out as soon as possible.

I would be absolutely livid if he'd been left all day and was sore!

Even if he'd denied that he'd soiled himself surely the TA could tell that was what had happened? IMO, they should have called you to come and check on him earlier if he wasn't co-operating. I've been called into DS's school to comfort him after a head bump before! He was fine and stayed at School afterwards but I was glad they called as he needed his Mum.

Sponkle, so glad your little one is on the mend. Poor, poor kid! I really feel for you and him. Keep your assertive hat on for that phone call. This really was totally unacceptable.

Glad to hear DS is feeling a little more comfortable today. I hope you manage to get some joy from the head later.

this made me feel so sad for your little boy . Hope he has a lovely snuggly day with you today and starts to feel better soon. I would not be impressed with the school, def not acceptable, good luck with the head x

Poor boy...glad he is better. My DS is the same age and I would be horrified at this! Eager to see what the ta has to say!!!

Haven't heard from the Head yet but the teacher has just called me to talk it through. She is adamant that she was not aware of it at all and apologised and tried to reassure me that if ever my son had another accident at school it would be dealt with sensitively and quickly and if they could not deal with it then I would be called immediately. I explained that I am just not happy at all that nobody was aware of what had happened and that in particular I am very concerned about the TAs comment about him having stepped in something. I told her that I still wish to speak with the Head with reagrds to this matter.

At no point did she convey any wishes towards my son or comment on how she hopes to see him back at school soon, or even ask after him.

I am thinking this was a defensive move to call me in the hope that I will leave it there. I assure you I will most certainly not.

She also told me that another child had had an accident yesterday afternoon and that perhaps they thought the smell was attributable to that child rather than my son. ....clutching at straws???....

YANBU at all. Your poor little boy. Accidents can happen to 4 yr olds. particularly if they are ill. The school will be more than aware of this and should be on the ball for this sort of thing happening. I feel so sorry for him. Yes, to complaining to the school. Totally unacceptable conduct on the part of his teacher and the TAs. I hope that your son is feeling better and less sore today.

Well at least the teacher said she would take care of any future accidents sensitively. I find it hard to believe that no one picked up on the smell. If a health visitor came to someone's home and found a child in that state they would have a lot of questions to answer and if the child said they'd been like that for a good few hours... I think the teacher should take some responsibility for this and you are right to pursue it with the head.

I've just seen your point about the smell being caused by another child. It's possible I suppose. But you noticed it the moment you saw your son and the TA commented about him having stepped in something (a sceptic might thing she's trying to cover up for her inaction).

Pleased to hear your son is feeling a bit better today.

There are lots of things wrong with this situation, as a class teacher I wouldn't be happy if the TA thought it was acceptable, for a child to walk around with dog poo on his shoes in class, so that seems really strange for her to say that.

Working in Reception class, you unfortunately/fortunately develop a 'nose', for sniffing out smells. I have spent many a fun moment, sniffing above a child, trying to identify the source of the aroma. Yes, some children will deny that they have had an accident, even when it is really obvious. But with a bit of jollying, and those strange persuasive powers, that are bestowed upon those lucky enough to work with Early Years, you can usually convince the child, that yes, they do need to check.

If he hadn't eaten his lunch and staff had been informed by the dinner ladies, they should have been keeping an extra eye on him anyway, just to see if he was going down with anything.

Those children are in trusted into your care as a teacher/Nursery Nurse/TA and I could never imagine, leaving a child to suffer the discomfort or the indignity of being left in soiled clothes.

When your little boy returns to school ( after 48 hours at least) you need to reassure him about what he needs to do in the case of an 'accident' again. I would hope the staff would do this, letting him know that he can tell them etc and not get in to trouble, but then again, I would have expected them to have investigated a suspicious smell as well.