AIBU to be stunned that school could have sent DS 4 YR home in this state???

[sponkle]

My DS who is 4 was extremely upset when I collected him at home time this afternoon.

He was unusually the last out (they have a policy of bringing the children to the door and sending them off to parents once they have checked they are there) The TA approached me and told me that he had become upset as they were lining up at the door to leave.

It is not at all like him to be upset at pick up time and so I was asking him what the matter was and giving him a cuddle. I smelled a funny smell and asked him if he had had an accident, he said No.

The TA told me he had stepped in something. The teacher then told me he had been fine all day but that he hadn't eaten his lunch. I asked him if he needed to go inside to go to the loo and he refused, telling me he just wanted to go home. I noticed he was walking strangely as we were walking home. He was still very upset.

When we got home it was apparent that he had had an accident, so I stripped him off and put him in the bath, at which point he lost it and was crying and shaking uncontrollably.

Poor thing had had diorreah and the combination of this and being wet had left his legs incredibly swollen and bleeding and weeping as it had macerated his skin. He couldn't sit in the bath or bear to get it wet.

He couldn't sit or lie down at all and once I had managed to calm him down and clean him up as best I could without touching it, which took some time, I called the surgery to speak to the nurse. She told me to put sudocrem on it which I did and give him some calpol. He didn't sit down all afternoon.

I tried to give him another bath before bed but it was too sore for him to sit, still weeping and oozing all the way down to his knees. He is asleep now in bed, even though lying down is very sore for him.

At no point did the school call me today. it was obvious he had had an accident. When I asked him when it happened he told me at lunchtime.

I am so upset that the school didn't notice, or at least if they did call me to come and either sort it out or collect him.

AIBU??? I feel like going to talk to the Head tomorrow. he will not be at school tomorrow as he cannot even get dressed, despite having had an upset tummy. This is his first accident at school, so it isn't as if it's a regular thinh that they are fed up with dealing with. Any comments???

sorry so long, just upset.

Haven't read whole thread but......A) if you took him to school in that state what do you think would happen.....it's neglect! I would photograph his leg s and let them see what their lack of care did to him B) they obviously noticed the smell (and IMO human poo generally smells completely different to dog poo) and chose not to investigate further. No poo on his shoes so where ios the smell coming from? C) If your DS has ha tummy bug then they will now , in all likelyhood have a class full of kids with the runs since the bugs would be floating about in the air all afternoon ( many tummy bugs are actually airborne in addition to contact transmittable)

I would definitely take this up with the nursery head. Simply not acceptable. Assure them that if it happens again, you will be reporting them to Social Services, Board of Governers etcv ( not sure where you are so authorities will vary).

Absolutely shocked by this. Hope your DS can sleep tonight and isn't so sore tomorrow, although I suspect he will be sore for a good few days.

Hgs and 'go get 'em' vibes to you

Oh and should add...it really doeasn't matter if he told TA/Teacher he hadn't had an accident. He is 4 yrs old and embarrassed. It was their responsibility as the adults to check and take steps to clean him up and call you when it was blatantly obvious that he had had an accident.

No you didn't look until you got home but you could see he was walking funny and smelled bad so I do think you had picked up on it before you got home.

Sponkle, I am so sorry this happened to your little boy. I would want to take this further. My little boy is also on the autism spectrum and had poo accidents in reception - mainly because he was unable to actually pluck up the courage to ask for the toilet, or deal with it if the heavy classroom door was shut. Luckily the teachers were wonderful and gave him special permission to go without asking, and when he did have an accident would clean him up. We kept spare pants in school until Year 1. I can't see how they didn't notice - it's very obvious when a child has had an accident in many ways. Speak to the head, or the SENCO at your school and make sure this is investigated.

I hope he is ok, I know how hard it is when the routine is changed for them. I would want to baby him like mad tomorrow.

This a horrible situation for you and your ds, and the school needs to know. Not only because they failed to care properly for him, but also because they'll need to disinfect a lot of stuff! That's what makes me think they must have not noticed (bad enough) rather than ignored it. Perhaps something else was preoccupying them -are they preparing for Christmas play or out of routine in some way? That's not an excuse, but it may explain how it could have happened.

DownbytheRiverside - "Reception staff are constantly portrayed as uncaring and negligent and horrible to the 4 year olds in their care." No, it's the opposite - the reason that so many people have posted and voiced their outrage at this is that it IS unusual. Most parents who have been through the Reception stage with their child know how great and hardworking the teachers are.

My children go to a lovely school where any concerns about possible illness or accident are noted and then communicated to the parents by phone and discussed. As an example, just last week, DS2 (yr1) fell in the playground and grazed his head and was very upset for a long time (he is a bit of a drama queen!). The lovely fulltime welfare lady called me up to let me know and to say that he was just sitting with an icepack on his head but was still upset and did I want to come and get him straight away or see if they can distract him from his upset and call me back in half an hour. She also said that she knew I was at work (although not far) and that it was difficult for me to come so maybe I would prefer the second option? See, that's how it SHOULD be. A proper assessment of the situation, my son's mood, and brilliant communication and discussion with me. And understanding of my work situation. They do that every time there is a similar issue (not that it happens a lot). She is fab. And the teachers are fab too, and notice if any child is not themselves.

In my opinion, the problem here is that there was an apparent lack of attention to the child. Even if they really did NOT notice a smell, that in itself would ring alarm bells to me - WHY hadn't the child been physically close to a teacher or a TA after it was noted that he hadn't eaten lunch, and WHY had no-one noticed him wriggling or uncomfortable in his seat, or a quiet mood? I'm pretty sure they would in most schools, which is why people HAVE posted to say how furious they'd be.

Sponkle, your poor ds. I hope he feels better soon and not just physically.

I can't believe that neither the TA nor the teacher checked if your ds was smelling of poo. Just think of where your child has been the whole afternoon, where he sat on, the toys he might have held and then passed on etc. - that in itself is a health issue.

The staff would never have allowed someone with poo on their shoes to tread all over the classroom.

Perhaps a calm letter detailing in your opinion what happened and how it affected your ds and ask what they thought happened and how they proposed to deal with it in the future.

As someone who works in a reception class, I have to say that I think the most worrying thing is that the TA told you he must have stepped in something.

Not that leaving him in that state isn't really really bad in itself, it obviously is, but I am stunned that the TA could blatantly lie to you about it.

I can see times where an adult might not notice a smell straight away. I can understand them noticing that he was a bit quiet, but not being undult concerned. I can even see times that a lunchtime controller might not do anything drastic about the fact that a child hadn't eaten any lunch. I would expect them to notice, encourage the child to eat, and pass that information onto the class teacher though.

I don't see how they wouldn't notice if he was smelling, or was obviously wet or uncomfortable. You just would notice that, if not staright away, definately within an hour max of the accident happening.

I would go in or phone early tomorrow while your ds is occupied with a biscuit and cbeebies, and insist that you speak to the head right away. Then, if there is any way you could make it in for a meeting tomorrow afternoon then insist that you do, as that will give her time to talk to the TA and let you know what is being done. If you can't go in tommorow, then still phone and have the face to face meeting as soon as you can.

Good luck, let us know how you get on.

The poor pet. Definitely take this up with the head. A quick look at his shoes was all that was needed to acertain if he had stepped in dog crap or not.

Thanks again for all your posts.

I'm off to bed now, will call the school in the morning and ask to talk to the Head to discuss. Will let you know how it goes.

Hope he feels better tomorrow, will give lots of tlc and reassurance anyway.

Night night. Sponkle.

My dd2 is 4 years old and has autism. Still in nappies and if she ever requires changing her TA does it, no questions and no worry. Your are allowed to change children but does require 2 staff memembers but tbh it could have been TA and dinner lady!
Hope ds sleeps well

Hope he feels better in the morning Sponkle. (Another one that sat and cried to think of his physical & emotional pain)
Definitely speak to the school to make sure they know it is totally unacceptable and make sure your ds (& anyone else's) never has to go through that again.
You will be cool calm & collected knowing the might of MN is behind you!

dogpoo and human poo smells different to each other anyway (imo),

saying that your ds had stepped in something outside is a VERY poor excuse.

Hope your ds feels better soon.

If possible I would take someone with you for support if you do go to see the Head. Past experience has taught me that there will almost certainly be two members of staff at any meeting & no matter how much you try not to feel disadvantaged by this, in the back of your mind there's always the thought that should there ever be any need to rehash what was/wasn't agreed, you're going to feel outnumbered.

Much may be made of his denial of any problem (if he did so) but, Lordy! He's 4. My DS2 is 11, has had Crohn's since he was 6; it's only thru necessity that he's finally learnt that if a really bad accident happens he needs to speak up and calmly state that he needs to go home (sometimes there's only so much that a change of clothes can do).

As others have said, Metanium works wonders & is also less greasy than Sudocream & a way more interesting colour!

Lastly, I would not want to delay my lunch til 2.15 to see Matt Baker cycle past. My boys would've been throwing themselves in the road & eating his tyres by then. What was the school thinking? Gethin Jones in Lycra...now we're talking.

Seriously tho, I hope that you're both feeling much better & much less upset in the morning.

If his legs were "incredibly swollen bleeding and weeping" then that would seem that he had been in that state for hours....and hours...."macerated" skin doesn't occur within an hour of having contact with poo....it takes a while....so he must have been walking about in soaked pants...leaving traces of it everywhere....I cant believe this.

In order for him to be in the state that the OP describes, he would have been like this ALL day....

Oh the wee soul, he's just a baby How could they palm it off as 'stepped in something?'

YANBU to have a word at school.

I think so too. Takes a lot to stop a child from eating, even if they have Dreaded D. Seems like not being interested in lunch was because hecwas already feeling pretty uncomfortable.

My heart goes out to your little boy, sponkle.

((((HUGS)))) for you both from me.

This angers me.
What a massive failure to care for your son on their part.

I have a 4 year old autistic child who is doubly incontinent, the thought of his school letting him suffer like that all day breaks my heart.

I certainly would complain.

Your child is lucky to have a caring understanding parent like you to sooth him after going through such a day.

Yes Perfumed as you & others have said, dog poo is a million miles away from child poo. I seem to've changed a gazillion nappies, but they're all as nothing compared to when a school friend stepped in doggie-doo on a trip to Bath. In flip-flops. I can smell it to this day.

Omg that's disgusting of the school!! Really really shocking!! I'd put in serious complaint your ds should never ever have been left like that! Human poo smells it would of become clear as soon as he was close to a teacher that he'd had an accident and he should of been taken to the toilet if they suspected it was him.

Plenty of tlc for your ds tomorrow, don't make it out to be a big deal to him, casually mention he should of told a teacher and they would of phoned mummy to come get him.

Bless your ds hope he's ok

Oh poor little chap :( I want to give him a cuddle and he isn't even mine!

I hope you get a satisfactory response from the school tomorrow and not a brushing under the carpet. I would be incandescent in your position.

I have two dogs and two children in nappies, the smells are massively different.

If he's stepped in something surely they'd check his show to confirm that, rather than allow him to walk around the classrom all afternoon with poo supposidly on his shoes

Oh. Poor, poor little chap. That is absolutely unacceptable. I'm angry on your behalf too.

Complain. What utter cunts.

He prob won't be allowed back til Thur so regroup, have some lovely time together, feel the lurve of MN & let us know how you get on. Huggy stuff.