AIBU to be stunned that school could have sent DS 4 YR home in this state???

[sponkle]

My DS who is 4 was extremely upset when I collected him at home time this afternoon.

He was unusually the last out (they have a policy of bringing the children to the door and sending them off to parents once they have checked they are there) The TA approached me and told me that he had become upset as they were lining up at the door to leave.

It is not at all like him to be upset at pick up time and so I was asking him what the matter was and giving him a cuddle. I smelled a funny smell and asked him if he had had an accident, he said No.

The TA told me he had stepped in something. The teacher then told me he had been fine all day but that he hadn't eaten his lunch. I asked him if he needed to go inside to go to the loo and he refused, telling me he just wanted to go home. I noticed he was walking strangely as we were walking home. He was still very upset.

When we got home it was apparent that he had had an accident, so I stripped him off and put him in the bath, at which point he lost it and was crying and shaking uncontrollably.

Poor thing had had diorreah and the combination of this and being wet had left his legs incredibly swollen and bleeding and weeping as it had macerated his skin. He couldn't sit in the bath or bear to get it wet.

He couldn't sit or lie down at all and once I had managed to calm him down and clean him up as best I could without touching it, which took some time, I called the surgery to speak to the nurse. She told me to put sudocrem on it which I did and give him some calpol. He didn't sit down all afternoon.

I tried to give him another bath before bed but it was too sore for him to sit, still weeping and oozing all the way down to his knees. He is asleep now in bed, even though lying down is very sore for him.

At no point did the school call me today. it was obvious he had had an accident. When I asked him when it happened he told me at lunchtime.

I am so upset that the school didn't notice, or at least if they did call me to come and either sort it out or collect him.

AIBU??? I feel like going to talk to the Head tomorrow. he will not be at school tomorrow as he cannot even get dressed, despite having had an upset tummy. This is his first accident at school, so it isn't as if it's a regular thinh that they are fed up with dealing with. Any comments???

sorry so long, just upset.

At least changing so early in his school career would be unlikely to have long term problems. As he's only 4 you could even consider taking him out for the rest of this term and then starting him in January at a different school - it's likely that they'll have some others also starting in January so he might find it easier to slot in.

DS is chirpy and happy relaxing at home but clearly missing the educational side of school, so I'm reading with him and doing lots of counting etc, he LOVES numbers. He has been really clingy (for him) he isn't the most tactile boy ever but has needed lots of cuddles and reassurance.

I have explained to him gently, how he should always tell someone if he needs help, and what to do if it ever happens again.

I am going to speak to the Advisory Centre for Educatuon and the Parent Partnership services to see what they think about it.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if I am repeating something that has already been said. I don't believe there is any way that could go unnoticed in the classroom for a whole afternoon - especially one with both a teacher and a TA present. I have had children in my class who have had accidents and you can always tell very quickly from both the smell and the obvious distress of the child involved. It is completely negligent (not to mention rather heartless) for your child to be left like this. I feel very sad for you both and do hope that you take it up with the school.

Can't believe they haven't called you back! In your situation I would be heading down there in person and demanding to see the head. Don't you think it would be better to talk to them face to face? Good luck!

Well that would mean taking DS with me and I don't want him to have to sit in the Head's office and witness a heavy discussion, as I really don't want him to feel as though he's in trouble at all.

Have you no one could mind him for an hour. You seriously need to go into the school. X

Agree you should go to the school or ring and make an appointment to see the Head. Really astonished s/he hasn't called you back

So glad DS is feeling better. But given how his experience differs from the norm, I can understand why you want to look at other schools. Particularly in light of it not being taken seriously by the Head. That's sends a terrible message of their attitude to child safety. :(

Well, having called the school again, I have been told that the Headmaster will ring me this afternoon.

I am going to wait and see what he says before I give any more thought to the possibility of changing schools. My head is spinning. All I want is what is best for my DS and don't think that I should rush into anything without giving it serious consideration.

Will post back once spoken to him.

If the Head hasn't phoned by this afternoon at 3, I'd ring back and ask for the telephone number of the Chair of Governors. Whatever they believe has or hasn't happened, it is unacceptable for the Headteacher to fail to return a parent's call for 3 days. Paticularly as DS has not been at school.

I really feel for your poor ds.

Even if he had trod in something surely they would have had to clean that up too as little children often touch the bottoms of their shoes!

It's completely unacceptable that the head has still not called you OP. Even if it was a quick acknowledgement type of call and a promise to call you back when he had a better understanding of the situation.

While it may have been possible to explain away the teacher and TA not noticing your DS's distress - although I really don't see how it could? - the fact the head hasn't contacted you over 24 hours after your initial call is almost more worrying.

I think you're right to be considering a new school.

I hope your DS gets better soon.

Sorry over 48 hours!

I'm shocked that a school can 1) not notice he had an accident 2) phone you and try and make excuses and 3) the Head can't be bothered to phone back!

I'm pleased your DS is feeling better OP, and that you took photos. Have you thought about contacting Ofsted? I think the matter needs properly investigating especially if your son has special needs.

OP - I am horrified by what happened to your poor DS and the head teacher's seeming lack of concern for the situation. As others have already mentioned I would be contacting the board of governors and also strongly considering a new school. If this had been allowed to happen in the school I work at the teacher responsible would have been shot at dawn sacked.

I hope that you do hear from the headmaster today and that he has dealt with the severity of the situation in the correct manner. Good luck

Well, did he ring you?

Hello. Headmaster called!!!!!

Didn't really say all that much really other than that he just doesn't know when it happened or how it could have gone unnoticed. I told him it happened at lunchtime to which he questionned why it hadn't therefore been recorded in the accident log, and followed on to say that the teacher and her assistant didn't notice DS in any discomfort that afternoon. I explained what sort of boy DS is and why he would be unlikely to handle this sort of situation and why he would be unlikely to say/show anything. He didn't comment on the ta's comment about DS treading in something, despite my telling him in no uncertain terms how odd and alarming that was as a thing to say.

I discussed that I am uncertain whether the school is right for DS at all, and he told me that DS is very bright and settled in very well blah blah and that I really shouldn't interrupt his education by keeping him off school any longer to which I told him I will keep him off until a) his wounds have healed satisfactorily and b) I have decided, if I decide at all, that I can actually trust these so called professionals to do their job and care for my son at a fundamentally basic level!

He told me how we should all use this as a means of getting to know my son better and that when I do return him to school we should meet to discuss how best to help him and his needs.

He cannot reassure me it will never happen again but can assure me that he will endeavour to deal with it appropriately if it does but didn't actually say what that would entail.

He tried to suggest that DS has a soiling problem. This is his first accident at school, and it was dihorrea (sp?).

Parent Partnership Services were brilliant and advised me to write letter of formal complaint and send copy to Governors and to liase with teacher to see if we can put a system in place to help my son communicate any problems.

Does this not come under the term "child neglect"?
If any parent allowed this situation to go untreated they would be in trouble straight away. Makes no difference if the school are at fault imho.
Contact the Governors tonight if the Head has not come forward with his excuse/get-out clause by then. He has had adequate time to act on your co mplaint.

Sponkle Sorry, just saw your latest post. Well, I suppose the Head has done a bit to make things better. Are you happy with this?

Not too sure to be honest. Was hoping I'd feel reassured and better having discussed things with him but just now not really feeling that. Probably need time to mull it all over and sleep on it before I decide. So much to think about and that'sbefore I start on my eldest son and all his shennanigans!!

Sponkle Sorry you have had this upset. Maybe your son does not get diahorrea that often? Don't let a one-off situation spoil things for you both. He needs a bit of love and a cuddle right now

Hi sponkle, the phone call didn't sound great. I've been thinking about you and your DS a lot this week.

I dont think you will get very far with this, I suspect that the discussion will become a very circular one.

I've tried to put myself in your shoes and, in addition to the above conclusion, I came to realise that whatever the staff say and admit or deny the simple truth is is that your son was hurt through a lack of attention, in addition to his indignity.

This fact cannot be denied or refuted by the staff. In this incidence I would try, and possibly fail, to get beyond my feelings of rage and point out that what my son needs to hear from the staff is that they made a mistake in looking after him and they are sorry for the distress he has gone through. This would need to be the staff who he percieves to be the one's with everyday care of him during school hours.

This act would see them taking some responsibility for their lack of care, lets face it there never going to fess up if the behaviour you describe is anything to go by, it gives your boy the strong meassage that adults are there to look after him, and might go some way to restoring his belief that they can and will in the future. And finally it validates your concern and dissapointment as a mother who feels let down by a school she should be able to trust.

If they didn't accept that this was a reasonable, and bloody fair, compromise then I too would be seriously considering an alternative school.

If all alse fails, you might want to reconsider my suggestions in my earlier post. I hope this gets resolved soon.

Ps you might want to point out to the head that a red raw backside and legs is quite a disruption to your sons education!!!

OP - What happened to your DS is horrible. The response from the HT sounds inadequate, but I would point out he's probably trying hard to measure his response so he doesn't cross any legal issues in how he handles HR matters with his staff. By which I mean, he can't necessarily tell you about any discipline and may be sounding like he's not doing anything simply because he isn't mentioning any action he takes with the staff.

Having said that, his response doesn't sound promising. I think one of the things I would focus on is where he told you "He cannot reassure [you] it will never happen again but can assure [you] that he will endeavour to deal with it appropriately if it does but didn't actually say what that would entail." I would ask him what he's doing to handle it appropriately this time not next. I can see that he can't 100% promise that something won't happen, no matter how hard he tries he can't be certain his staff are 100% all the time. But it sounds like he's hoping this will just be a one off, rather than investigating to see if it's a systemic issue, and recognising it as an indicator that his staff need more guidance right now. Only taking action if it happens again would not inspire me with confidence.

Hope your DS continues to recover well - emotionally too.

sponkle, I would oput all that in writting, both what has hapened to your son and what the Head told you.
Then I wuld ask in writting again what are the measures he is proposing to avoid an issue like this in the future.

The 'shouldn't interrupt his education by keeping him off school any longer' leaves me feeling he doesn't quite believe your son's skin was that bad. Perhaps include a photo in the letter too?

Also, what happens to the 48 hours exclusion for D&V?? because that's what it was wasn't it?

To be honest sponkle that is not a satisfactory response from the HT and I would be pulling my child from the school as a result. They are being far to blase about it. Have they seen the photos you took? Perhaps a meeting with HT and teacher and TA to show them the extent of the damage? They may be thinking you are over reacting.