AIBU to be stunned that school could have sent DS 4 YR home in this state???

[sponkle]

My DS who is 4 was extremely upset when I collected him at home time this afternoon.

He was unusually the last out (they have a policy of bringing the children to the door and sending them off to parents once they have checked they are there) The TA approached me and told me that he had become upset as they were lining up at the door to leave.

It is not at all like him to be upset at pick up time and so I was asking him what the matter was and giving him a cuddle. I smelled a funny smell and asked him if he had had an accident, he said No.

The TA told me he had stepped in something. The teacher then told me he had been fine all day but that he hadn't eaten his lunch. I asked him if he needed to go inside to go to the loo and he refused, telling me he just wanted to go home. I noticed he was walking strangely as we were walking home. He was still very upset.

When we got home it was apparent that he had had an accident, so I stripped him off and put him in the bath, at which point he lost it and was crying and shaking uncontrollably.

Poor thing had had diorreah and the combination of this and being wet had left his legs incredibly swollen and bleeding and weeping as it had macerated his skin. He couldn't sit in the bath or bear to get it wet.

He couldn't sit or lie down at all and once I had managed to calm him down and clean him up as best I could without touching it, which took some time, I called the surgery to speak to the nurse. She told me to put sudocrem on it which I did and give him some calpol. He didn't sit down all afternoon.

I tried to give him another bath before bed but it was too sore for him to sit, still weeping and oozing all the way down to his knees. He is asleep now in bed, even though lying down is very sore for him.

At no point did the school call me today. it was obvious he had had an accident. When I asked him when it happened he told me at lunchtime.

I am so upset that the school didn't notice, or at least if they did call me to come and either sort it out or collect him.

AIBU??? I feel like going to talk to the Head tomorrow. he will not be at school tomorrow as he cannot even get dressed, despite having had an upset tummy. This is his first accident at school, so it isn't as if it's a regular thinh that they are fed up with dealing with. Any comments???

sorry so long, just upset.

That is a terrible state for a 4 year old to be in. I hope he's ok, that's awful.

I would certainly speak to the school but I would just ask them. It may not be their fault. By the look of it, your DS didn't want to tell you about when you collected him. When you got home, you say it was "apparent" he'd had an accident. So did not tell you? If he wouldn't tell his teacher teacher, et al and denied it, they cannot force his clothes off him. But if they suspected, they really should have called you instead to deal with him. If it turns out that they suspected but didn't call you, I would complian about that.

OP, reading this was heartbreaking, your poor little boy! Hope you have a lovely day together and that you get some answers - someone needs to be held accountable for this, it is inexcusable for a child to suffer like that.

Glad to hear he is feeling better and is chipper!

[clutches babies to bosoms and refuses to send them to school ever]

Awful, I would be raging, feel tearful thinking about your wee chap.

TA basically admitting that they had noticed something, pretty easy to check shoes etc.

Hope he's feeling better.

Hi Sponkle I'm shocked at this. so many posters have already pointed out the obvious flaws in some of the TA's comments.

It's implicit in nearly every comment but i think it's worth being absolutely explicit; at 4 your DS will have developed a capacity for shame, any parent knows this and anyone working with children should know it. the classroom staff allowed your child to be in a prolonged state of shame and embarrassment and shame whilst also endirung physical pain.

There is no way I would let any teacher, TA, etc wriggle of this hook. Children this young need to know that the adults at the school are concerned for their overall well being and happiness. After this incident I would seriously question your child's ability to be re-assured of this from now one. I wouldn't be and I'm really old, (according to my 5yr old DS I lived in a cave when I was a little boy!)

As some have pointed out, if a HV came to your house and discovered your baby had been in a soiled nappy of which you had been aware for say an hour or more, they would rightly be concerned about your parenting capacity.

Anyway, in an effort to be more helpful rather than just quietly fume here's a plan that might be useful for the near future.

Wait until the roads get really bad with snow, normally about in inch is enough to bring chaos to schools(!). this means people tend to drive home a bit slower etc after a hard day of ignoring children who have clearly had an embarrassing and painful accident.

On a suitable day take your little one to school and, appearing all apologetic, give them a nice batch of homemade cookies or brownies or whatever as a piece offering for all the fuss you caused and you now realise you're an over protective mother that caused way too much fuss. Suggest the staff have them at tea break as they are made from an award winning recipe blah blah.

Just before leaving ask to use the loo, make sure you remove every tissue, loo roll and basically any absorbent material. For good measure take the bloody soap as well.

Go home, make a brew, put on Jeremy Kyle and patiently wait until the ExLax laced delights kick in, make sure that bloody obstructive, nosey receptionist knows there goodies to trough on too.

Hopefully they will experience firstly, and most importantly in my view, the shame and embarrassment your little one did. Secondly as they drive home through the thick snow their bums will be bloody red raw.

Oh and when the receptionist phones you to tell you that all the children need to be picked up early, make sure and insist she tells you exactly why,
(probably in a very hurried and distressed fashion by now!), you could just reply, "Are you sure your not mistaken, I'm sure someones probably just stepped in something"!!!!! Followed, of course, by a hearty "Mwah ha ha ha"

Shoddy f'ing shower of f'ing f'ers!!

God how awful. I can't imagine how sore your son must have been - my children have sensitive skin and when they have diarrhoea their skin comes straight up even if I am on it like a shot (when they were in nappies).

I also don't believe that anyone could be in the vicinity of a child that had soiled itself and not notice.

if you rite an absence letter, include the fact that he is not in school because he was left in poo all afternoon,. the absence letters are official documents and have to be kept in the register, if i remember correctly.

Sponkle YAtotallyNBU. I hope your DS is feeling much better by now and that you are recovering from the upset too. My son was ill a couple of weeks ago and had spent all day at school with a bad tummy ache, he hadn't wanted to mention it to staff at school in case he caused a problem and he seemed to genuinely have no idea that school would have phoned me and I would have come to pick him up immediately. He threw up as soon as we got home, the thought of him struggling all day like that breaks my heart so you must have felt absolutely crushed.

Other posters have given some very good advice on this thread so i'm sure you now have a better idea of where to go from here.

It's worth remembering that with any luck, the staff who ignored/failed to spot the problem, have by now probably gone down with poorly tummies themselves...[evil grin] that'll learn them!

sponkle I really feel for your child and for you.
I have been there too as dc2 is sufferring from chronic constipation and has done so for years. In effect last year it has gone so bad that the school notes now have listed 'faecal incontinence' along with chronic constipation on the list of medical condition!

Having being in 2 different schools, I know that depending on the Head, the reaction can be very different from one to the other.
The previous school asked my then 4yo to wipe himself in the small cubicle which he wasn't able to do of course. Strangely enough, he then stopped telling anyone if he is soiling himself
With the new school he is at, we had a chat about it. They've had an issue one day when they 'knew' he had had an accident but dc2 was maintaining he was OK. The teacher told me that she wasn't able to check it so she asked my older one to come over and have a word with dc2 (who told his brother that yes he had soiled himslef).
They then immediately contacted me to check if that was OK, explain they had help him in the shower to clean himself and provided him with some clean clothes

I am very surprised that your dc didn't want to tell you what was going on when you picked him up. Has he being told off for 'walking in something' by any chance? Or has this 'other child' being handle in such a way that he didn't want to say anything?

Good point blackeyedsusan. Anything that is put in writing suddenly seems to have much much more importance.

A1980, if the child came back home with the skin in this condition, including the skin of his legs I can not see how the teacher and TA can have missed something or how they could have had any hesitation.

OMG! Nearly in tears reading this. I cant believe they left him sat in his clothes in this state. I would be so angry and would demand a full explanation from the school. Also why was he too scared to say anything? I hope you get answers as this is really bad.

Hope the head provides some decent answers

I know Traveller, you're right. That poor child. You can smell it a mile off too.
It's awful of them to have left him. If he was being quiet about it, they should've taken him aside or called his mum.

It sounds so awful, but I can't believe any t or ta would leave a child like it- like others have said there would be poo everywhere and everyone would catch the bug. I mean, totally selfishly, if you knew you wouldn't want to be near it! Y

You would phone home at the very least.

Your poor poor DS

Oh your poor, poor little boy, I have cried reading this, how awful :( Hope the head calls soon and they talk it out properly with you. As a former reception teacher I am appalled by this. Yes reception classes can be pongy places but you can tell if a child has had an accident. The TA talking about stepping in something is just wrong. I feel for you - hope he is much recovered soon.

Oh your poor, poor little boy :(

I echo what most of the other posters said; no WAY did they not realise he'd had an accident. Horrible people

YANBU! I too would be raising questions about this.

Can I recommend metanium cream for his skin? It is fab for excoriated skin. Apply generously to the areas that are sore,and remove with Baby Oil-do not try to wash it off! This goes for Sudocrem too. You will damage the skin if you try to remove it with water. Just put the baby oil on a wipe/cloth,and it comes off easily with no pain. You don'y have to remove the cream unless it is dirty,just apply more for a day or so,until it heals up.

sorry,should have said that any pharmacy will do Metanium.

LOL at tasteslikechicken If only you could and be a fly on the toilet wall

YANBU, I also have a 4 year old in Reception and would be devastated for him if this happened - hope he (and you) feel better soon - you must find out what happened from the school's POV.

You may be being unreasonable.

I can remember messing my pants age 4. Teachers noticed a general smell and sent everyone to the toilet. Can remember lining up outside the toilets, then declaring I didn't need to go and going back to the classroom.

My mum discovered the mess as soon as I got home. Wasn't the teachers fault, they'd noticed but short of inspection everyone's pants there wasn't a lot more they could have done.

Oh come on. You can TELL if a child has had an accident. You don't have to be a bloody sniffer dog to be able to track down which child out of 30 is the one who smells.

Mt DS is in Reception and if this happened I would be appalled.
You must speak to someone about it tomorrow or it could happen to another child.
When DS was tiny he got extremely sore/broken skin from poo (long story, no abuse involved I assure you). He was prescribed an anti-fungal cream to go on first to stop infection, then we had to apply an aqueous cream after five minutes. You may want to take your LO to the doc's.