to want some assistance in the house at the weekend even though I only

[newcastle78]

work about 8 hours a week outside the home and dc are at school.

I appreciate i have it easier during the week. I can get most of the housework done whilst dc are at school.

However, at the weekend dh does sweet fa.

i do the swimming run and virtually all the stuff that needs doing day in day out.

How much leisure time do you have and how much leisure time does he have? If one of you has significantly more than the other, it isn't fair.

I don't think YABU actually. In the week, it's the job of the SAHP, but at weekends it's all hands on deck as far as I'm concerned. Otherwise when does the SAHP get a break?

If its stuff left over from during the week, that's a bit different though. What sort of stuff is it? And why isn't he doing some of the ferrying around?

Doesn't the SAHP get a break when the kids are in school, though, Abby? Housework doesn't take up that much time. Though OP is working PT also.

If you only work 8 hours a week and the children are school-age, I can't imagine there is very much to 'do' at the weekend. You have to prepare meals and clear-up, but that's about it, surely? Any other chores can be done in the week. But yes, I think that sort of minimal sorting out should be shared - anything else seems disrespectful. Nor do I think it would be OK for him to regularly disappear off for most of the weekend leaving you entirely responsible for the children - but I'm not sure that is what you are talking about?

However, I think that if you have plenty of free time during the week, or are being very inefficient, and as a result there are still lots of jobs to do at the weekend, then that's not fair either.

SAHP's get a break when the dc are at school. I work 8 hours outside the home too, and still have plenty of time to do the housework, as well as my voluntry work and do a part time college course.

I expect DH to do the boy jobs, like the rubbish, garden and diy, but that's about it.

YABU.

Honey - I agree with you mostly. I think the SAHP should do mostly everything during the week. But at the weekend, why should the working parent just get the whole weekend off?

I work FT, btw. My ex was SAHD for a long time and didn't do enough around the house during the week. However, I wouldn't have expected to come home on a Friday night and sit on my arse all weekend.

You do know there'll be someone along in a minute to tell you that a SAHP isn't responsible for the housework, and only responsible for the children though, right?

I could have written this myself OP, I am in pretty much the same situation as yourself. My DH does nothing at the weekend. And whilst I think its fair that I do all the household chores and cooking during the week whilst he's at work and the dc are at school, I think it would be nice for him to cook for me occassionally at weekends, or offer to ferry the kids around.

Its not that I cant or dont want to do it, it would be nice to just have a break from it occassionally. Afterall, he has a break from work at weekends. At times I feel like a housekeeper, not a wife.

If I worked only 8 hours - the equivalent of one day per week- and my partner worked full time, I wouldn't have the nerve to expect him to share the weekend chores! The op has the equivalent of 4 days 'off' during the week. Now, even given the school run,'laundry, housework, you'd have to be dead inefficient to end up with no free time in that set up. The op could spend her 1 day equivalent at work, 2 days on housework and shopping etc and still have the equivalent of 2 days 'off ' during the week. I realise its not literally 2 complete days off because obviously jobs like cooking etc need doing every day. But the op must get at least as much time off overall for her own leisure as her dh would get with just sat and sun.
Things like swimming lessons- yes, definitely if I only worked 8 hours a week, I would probably try to do after school lessons to keep the weekend free, but if sat lessons only were available I would see it as my responsibility to take the kids rather than my husband who'd just done 5 days work .

Callmemrs, whilst I agree with most of what you have written, I have to disagree with the bit about you seeing it as your responsibilty to take the kids swimming at weekends if your dh had just done 5 days at work. How about the fact that it might be nice for the dad to take the kids swimming for a change. The kids might like it too. Its not like these jobs are difficult, but surely its about sharing the parenting equally.

It sort if depends what the OP wants help with. And how old the dc are. Really the housework should be done in the week so that everyone can relax at the weekend imo.

YABU
If the kids are at school you must have a lot of time to yourself compared to your dh
Is the issue just that you feel unappreciated for your contribution?

Absolutely if the swimming run is something the dh wants to do as a fun thing- but tbh it can be quite a chore- sitting in a sauna like poolside! Its not the same as just going swimming with the kids for fun- which, if they decide to do as a family activity at the weekend, sure, dad should join in too.
But the op mentioned the swimming run as one of the weekend chores- and I do think that in that case, she ought to do it (or preferably organise after school ones as she is free then which means the weekends aren't dominated by ferrying kids around)

Essential, is it just about how much free time you both have though? I think its more about sharing parenting at the weekend. Fair enough, OP should do all the household chores during the week so that weekends are free and I think her DH should be entitled to some free time at the weekends, but for him to do absolutely nothing, its slightly disrespectful to just sit there whilst OP does everything.

callme - you don't get 4 days 'off' if you have to collect the kids at 3pm

And I bet the OP's DH sits on his arse when he gets home in the evenings too.

As someone said upthread - it's about how much leisure time they both have and I would suspect the DH is getting a lot more than the OP

But you get significant amounts of time off between the school runs! Certainly equivalent to at least a weekends worth if you're only working 8 hours!

Come on OP, we need more information!

I also think it sends a really shit message to children if their mother does everything for them and their dad sits on his arse all the time they see him. It's not a very healthy example for them to learn from

YABU. You only work 8 hours and the children are at school. That sounds like a lot of leisure time to me.

What actually needs to be done at the weekends? I am a SAHM and Friday night I clock off and only the bare minimum gets done over the weekend - I do just the washing and usually get something out of the freezer for dinner. It feels like a 'proper' weekend then.

Christine-'you could equally well say it sends the kids a shit message to see such an imbalance in earning between their parents. If you're going to criticise the father for not being 'hands on' enough,'then at least be consistent and criticise the mother for her imbalance!

OMG you have school age children so have all day to yourself you hardly work at all and want help at the weekends, why are you useless

Considering you sit on your backside all week you could easily have nothing to do at the weekend, thus your partner need not do anything other than spend time with his children. Talk about wanting too much get a proper 40 hour a week job and raise children alone its easy I done it for over ten years. Always had a spotless home.