to want some assistance in the house at the weekend even though I only

[newcastle78]

work about 8 hours a week outside the home and dc are at school.

I appreciate i have it easier during the week. I can get most of the housework done whilst dc are at school.

However, at the weekend dh does sweet fa.

i do the swimming run and virtually all the stuff that needs doing day in day out.

Come on newcastle78, stop being lazy !! You only work 8 hours ! You shouldn't need to do any housework in the week end if you have 4 days to do it ! Maybe you need to look at how you organized yourself ? Or if you can do it, get a cleaner ?..Ha ha ha 8 hoours worked and she wants help at the week end !!!

I think a lot of this is about peoples perception of their own and their partners role. Op- with your children now 6 and 4, you MUST be finding that your role is easier and you have more time to yourself. When your children were babies, you would have been on the go all day. So your dhs perception at any rate is that your life has got significantly easier while his has stayed the same or even got tougher (don't know what he does but logger hours, pay freezes and worry about redundancy have increased over recent years)

I am not excusing for a moment the expectation you'll clear up after him - rats not on. But in every other respect he must feel that your life is pretty peachy now compared to having pre school kids home all day

I expect DH to do the boy jobs, like the rubbish, garden and diy, but that's about it

Boy jobs??? OMG - LMAO - there are boy jobs? YOu cant all have it both ways .....christ this forum goes into melt down at gender specific roles!

What has happened to my typing! longer hours and that's not on!!

I think this thread is about more than just housework - it's about feeling that you are a partnership. It sounds like the DH just opts out at weekends. He shouldn't have to do housework, but he should be spending time with the family.

I have to agree with the majority, I'm afraid. You DO have a lot of time to yourself during the week. Probably at least as much as your husband does at the weekend.

As others have said, if I didn't work, I'd make damn sure all the major housework was done during the week so we could ALL enjoy the weekends with only the bare essentials to do.

If I was supporting a family almost singlehanded (I'm assuming here your job brings in only a fraction of household income), I would be pretty put out to have to do MUCH of the housework on top of that.

Tbf its not every Saturday just half. O and I do the bins!

I work approx 20 hours a week (including about 5 for a charity which is voluntary and variable each week) and do pretty much 100% of the housework and 95% of the childcare. My kids are 12 and 10, although dd2 is severely disabled so is much more work than a normal 10 year old. Dh is their stepfather (real Dad lives far away and only helps out in school holidays).

I know exactly where you are coming from. Dh does nothing to help during the week, and would do nothing at weekends unless I ask him. While I agree as the person working fewer hours, we should do more of the work, I agree with whoever said it's disrespectful and basically unsupportive of the partner to do pretty much nothing to help. I think a proportionate split of the chores wouldn't be unreasonable, based on number of hours worked each week. Obviously this will equate to little for your dh.

In your case, 8 hours is low, so I do agree you could complete the bulk of the housework during the week, leaving only everyday stuff for weekends. However, I think your dh should share more of the weekend child related activities. This shouldn't be a chore for him - he hasn't seen them much or interacted with them all week and they need to have time with their Dad. He isn't being much of a Dad at all it seems.

I don't blame you for feeling unsupported.

I agree this sounds like it is more about lack of support rather than doing stuff at the weekends.

I think it depends what sort of help the OP is expecting at weekends. If it was help with actual housework, then I would say that's unreasonable, as she would have time to do all that during the week.

So far as I can see, the main things that need doing at the weekend would be the swimming run, preparing and clearing up after meals, possibly a bit of washing, and the rest would be just generally spending time with the dcs (who although they are school age are still fairly young and need a fair amount of parental input).

I think it is reasonable for the OP still to do most of the meal prep/washing etc at the weekend, but think that the dh should be spending at least some time doing things with the dcs at the weekend. Because if he works full time, and isn't home until about 6 or later, then he won't see them much during the week.

I work regularly 13 hours/ week (although at this time of year it's about 20). It's quite strange though, I'll work 10 - 1.30 ish and before you know it the kids are back from school and you're doing homework/playing etc with them. By the time you've dropped the kids off, tidied the breakfast things, gone to work, come home from work, had lunch, mumsnetted sorted laundry, it's to collect them from school!

Then it's getting tea.

I'm lucky, at least once a week dh does tea, and I can rely upon him to cook at least once during the weekend, and clean the pets out.

Agree its about the partnership rather than housework. There have been a spate of similar threads lately- 'should dh be doing half the housework/ night wakings'.

I think sometimes people (perhaps particularly men, and I don't mean that in a sexist way, its an observation about the gender difference) find it hard to voice the real problems, so it shows itself in behaviour instead. If a husband is reluctant to be doing as much housework as the sahm thinks he should- he may actually be feeling 'i don't like the pressur of being the sole earner. I want a better balance'. Thats especially true If the sahm has kids at school all day.

Ok, ideally blokes would come out and SAY What they think, but I think you nee to read between the lines op. I suspect your dh is not happy with the status quo

In those circumstances ( and ours are similar, though I work Mon - Fri and work longer hours) I would be expecting DH to interact with the children . Wouldn't be worried about help with chores beyond everybody clearing up after themselves, but I bet your children would love the chance to spend time with their dad.

Some people just want another excuse to be lazy at the weekend as well as in the week.

By the time your partner comes home everything should be done, the house should be spotless every day because you have time to do it, the kids would be fed and ready for bed and just have happy time with their dad.

No washing would be done at the weekend because you would hve done it all by Friday plus the ironing.

Stop spending all day watching TV, painting your nails and do some stuff around the house so it don't need doing at the weekend.

My god how would you manage as a single parent working full time with two children of 7 and 3, I done it and at the weekend I done nothing because even I who worked 35 hours a week every single day had time to chill out with my kids.

I even had time for a social life.

Don't mince your words Fabby

What do you do during the week OP? What days and hours do you work?

Wow, kids in school, only work 8hrs per wk? First though is: can I have your life?

It sounds like you feel your family work is going unnoticed/is unappreciated. It also sounds like you're a wee bit resentful that DH's 5 work days = 0 work on w/ends. Whether he's on the sofa or the cricket/football pitch is irrelevant.

If you talk through the situation with him, YANBU; if you're suffering in silence, YABU.

Well personally I like to get swimming things washed on a Saturday. So I have just emptied washing. Whilst bringing upstairs to air dh commented on fact dd had done a poo. Having toileting issuues but he did not think go get off ps to sort it.
That's type of thing is what it's really what it's about.
Plus acting as unpaid admin for dad's will is also time consuming.
Sorry drip feeding.

Do party plan so hours not fixed. This time of year is fairly hectic though. 8 is average over year.

I do think that if you only work 8 hours you should have time for housework during the week - but it sounds to me more that your DH is doing what he wants to at the weekends rather then being involved as a Dad.
How about you get what you can done during the week, and then at the weekends he is expected to join in with family things - going out all together - enjoying being a family together?

If the time is spent properly, then all chores could be done in the week and the weekends would be more or less free.

But given that, the OP's husband is being disrespectful by disappearing off to football for several hours every Saturday and leaving his crap on the table for someone else to clear away at night.

Once Friday night comes, all jobs should be split between them. If the OP's done her job properly (and it is a job) then there shouldn't be too much to do. The OP's husband should still pull his weight with the swimming and general clearing up.

dh is expected (and does) pull his weight at the weekend.

Thinking about it though, he has a day off during the week (works one day at the weekend) and does sfa on that day (although I try to have that day off too and no housework gets done then

When I was a SAHM until the dc were 5 and 8, I did everything: cooking, shopping, laundry, childcare, organising for all of us and the home, playdates, activities, etc. DH was always out from 7.30-9pm. Had a cleaner for 3 hours a week. Everything was done at the weekends and apart from cooking and clearing up there were no big jobs to do. DH also went to football every Saturday and I wanted him to - as DS got bigger (from about 4ish) he had a season ticket too though. I have always felt that DH works so hard that he is entitled to some space and a rest at the weekends and that he needs it too. When I was a SAHM I must confess I had lots of time for lunches and coffees and mooching round the shops and always managed to get the jobs done. Also, organised a playgroup, read at school, chair of the PTA, and sat on a local voluntary board so I reckon I had at least 8 hours of commitments during the school week.

Initially I went to work part-time, during school hours, and that was the hardest of all - working 18-21 hours outside the home and feeling as though everything at home should stay perfect too and not sitting down until about 8.30pm every day.

For the last six years have worked full time which means more help can be justified and have about 6 hours of paid help each week - an au-pair when DD was still at primary school. However, I still do all the cooking and shopping and organising.

DH has always done the garden and the bins and the outside windowsills, etc. He has also always supported DS's sporting activities unfailingly and has got better over the years about attending school plays and parents evenings but I think he finds it easier to connect now they are older.

I have always felt we are partnership and that in different ways our contributions are equal. The difference is I suppose that I have always been happy with the status quo. TBH after 21 years he is getting better. This morning we paired the socks together - about two week's worth - he's awfully slow though and gets stuck with the ones that are the same colour but slightly different styles

The OP has clearly said she is depressed!! why are you all giving her such a hard time? OP you are not BU to expect your DH to give you a with your children he should bloody well want to!

fabbychic you dont half like singing your own praises dont you? fuck me your'e the ultimate wonder mum!!

You have plenty of time during the week. Your dh should interact more with the kids though.

Feeling depressed as you are at the moment, I imagine you are struggling with the basics in life and are in need of a bit of extra support and love while things are more full on at the weekend. Home management, social activites, private leisure activities and relationships can suffer hugely in times of depression and can feel hard going. Have you thought about asking for help? Cruse can give bereavment councelling - they really helped my friend who lost her Mum a year ago. www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ You could also talk to your GP and ask for CBT therapy?

It's really not fair on you to be picking up his pants off the floor or putting his wrappers in the bin. He can do some things for himself I'm sure. Also I can't see the problem with him whipping the hoover round quickly on a Sunday morning. I believe family activites should be shared at the weekends - it makes for quality time together. Are there some things you can do to make the load easier at the weekend? Weekend food prep on a Sunday and cleaning blits on a Monday.