to want some assistance in the house at the weekend even though I only

[newcastle78]

work about 8 hours a week outside the home and dc are at school.

I appreciate i have it easier during the week. I can get most of the housework done whilst dc are at school.

However, at the weekend dh does sweet fa.

i do the swimming run and virtually all the stuff that needs doing day in day out.

Fabby you are being vile. Get your head out your arse and leave op alone. Didn't your mum ever tell you that if you dont have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all?
Op it doesn't really sound like a housework issue more a dh opting out of family life issue. You need to sit down and say that spending time with his kids and you should be something he wants to do not something he wants to ignore. I'm sorry for your loss, I expect everything feels like a struggle right now?

Friday not Sunday

YABU to expect dh to do any housework other than say washing up after a meal or cooking a meal

YANBU to expect him to engage with family life at the weekends

He should defnitely have some time to himself at the weekend if he wants to though.

It sounds as though you are off track as a couple and need to do some work to become happier in the relationship.

How many hours per week does your dh work, op?

Am sorry to hear about your loss

Maybe he could do his football once a fortnight and the weeks in between you could do something for yourself so he can have some special dad/kids time.

3cutedarlings

Dealing with your parent's death (and all the admin associated with that) aside, you still have a lot of free time in the week that for some reason you're not able to complete most of your chores in. How much housework etc do you need to do? Are you too much of a perfectionist or just a little bit inefficient? And why do you not have any "you time" during the week? You need to list out all your chores and see how you can spend less time on them. Life is too short and too precious to be wasting on (doing only) chores!

I can understand why your DH would need leisure time during the weekend but frankly he sounds disengaged from family life and that's very sad and unacceptable.

I don't think yabu expecting help. I am a sahm and my dh does his bit especially at weekends. I am also trying to encourage the kids to do a bit more but yours are still young. Being a sahm does not equal being a domestic slave.

YWBU to expect help with housework, etc because there's plenty of time for all that during the week. But this isnt about housework. This is about having no family life, a man who doesn't sound like he enjoys his wife and DC company, or offer them emotional support and caring.

I can do it all myself but, now I am not a LP, I don't have to. If I was doing it all myself, especially emotionally, there would be little point in having DH here. In fact, one point I made in the past was, that without support, all DH is, is an extra person to cook and wash for, and trust me I get no fucking joy from washing smelly socks.

Yabu. If your children are at school full time and he's working full time
You have about 20 hrs to do housework a week . He should do his own washing and ironing, half the cooking and half the chikdcRe outside his working hours.

Thank yuo for all your replies. It has given me some perspective on things. When I say help around the house I don't mean getting the vacuum out or doing a pile of ironing. As many of you have said these are jobs that i can do during the week. It things like when you put something in the bin and notice it is full to empty it or to get off ps when you realise dd has had a accident. Or to replace the kitchen roll when you take the last piece.
This is probably a relationship issue that needs addressing as it's true I really feel unsupported at the moment.
I am also wondering if he is depressed too as he is in many ways opting out of family life. Next weekend I am working so he has already said he is meeting his mum. It's as if he can't cope with dc on his own.

I do all the washing and ironing and about 95% of cooking.

I am in a similar work situation to the OP and I really don't get where everyone is saying the OP is BU.
I have 3 dc, 2 of them are in school all day and there is still housework to be done at the weekend, people (the dc are the messy ones) still use the toilet, drop crumb all over the floor and need fed and clothed and if the housework was ignored all weekend then it would just build up for me to do during the week. It was actually easier when I worked more hours as there were less people in the house during the day so housework didn't build up.

When I have dropped the dc off at school in the morning I go straight home, get myself ready for work, go to work for anything from one to a few hours, pick up DS2 after work go home give us both luch, if there is shopping to do I need to go and do that, also have to do the washing and any shopping that needs to be done then collect the dc at 3pm. Homeowork and evening mal has to be done and 2 evenings a week the dc have clubs to go to so I may only work very part time but I am far from sitting on my backside all day.

Thankfully I am lucky enough to have a dh that does think that when he is in the house that he has a responsibility to contribute as well since we are a family and all live and use the house.

So very true ineeda... My dc are really messy too. My oldest dc does lots of clubs too so I feel like I am forever doing school runs etc.
Thank you.

YANBU. Unfortunately you worded your post in such a way that the braindead amongst the MN royalty like Fabby default to "you are a shit wife, mum, and person" which you obviously aren't.

Sounds like you would get more support over in Relationships to be honest. Because your issue is a relationship one more than a time/housework one.

Your DH should be pulling his weight with the kids at the weekend, and being a respectful and courteous spouse at all times. Which he isn't. So yes, you need to get him sorted out. Otherwise you are really just looking after 3 children, right? With no support from him.

Good luck with it, I suspect it will be hard work to change him.

I can see where you are coming from. Your dh sounds a little lazy. You probably need to address some issues. Whilst it's ok that you do bulk of housework you should not have to pick up after a grown man.

OP your sense of entitlement is staggering. Working outside the home full time, maybe even with a commute, would open your eyes. Your poor DH, having to come home to listen to your moans when he keeps a roof over your head and pays for the food on your table. Some growing up on your part is called for. You are setting a poor example to your children, whining about feeling like a skivvy when you work so little.

Newgirlintown proves my point. The jealousy is palpable isn't it?

Ignore, OP.

Newgirl in a past life I have worked full time with a long commute. I have lived on my own and done everything in the house for myself quite happily without complaint. At least than I only had to pick my own clothes up off the floor not everyone's.

Plus I don't moan to him. Maybe I should.

Jealousy? What an odd conclusion to draw. Not having spoken about my own situation I can only assure you I would not wish to be OP in a million years. For reasons which I am sure are obvious from her posts.

These threads always make me very anxious. I work about 60hrs a week, with some international travel, and earn enough to support sahp dh and the kids (both at school), cover private school fees and one nice holiday a year. I still feel horribly guilty that dh does all the cleaning and laundry and after-school stuff, though I do all the cooking unless I'm away (and even then I leave frozen batch-cooked casseroles), and bedtime as long as I'm home in time. I'm also, often, resentful, because I have a whole world of demands from people who pay me a lot and expect a lot that dh never has to know exists, and because actually I'd quite like to be able to potter around on my own sometimes. This never happens. I couldn't handle the guilt if I behaved like the OP's dh, but I'm often angry that he has luxuries of time and leisure that he doesn't even notice while I'm always either working or frantically trying to compensate for working. It's not fair to construct a world in which supporting your family is a sin which you should spend every non-working hour atoning for.

Would you like to do something as a family on weekends OP? You are not mentioning this. You have lots time on your own during the week.
Do you love your dh? Do you have couple-time? Sex?

Thank you blanche. Nice to see the other side.

arf at fabby as mn royalty. heard it all now.