to want some assistance in the house at the weekend even though I only

[newcastle78]

work about 8 hours a week outside the home and dc are at school.

I appreciate i have it easier during the week. I can get most of the housework done whilst dc are at school.

However, at the weekend dh does sweet fa.

i do the swimming run and virtually all the stuff that needs doing day in day out.

Do have couple time. Yes I would rather we went out more as a family. We do go out but sometimes I wish we did more. I think dh is prob tired at weekend and would rather chill. One of the last time we went out for the day he was desparate to get home for grand prix!

Well I can understand getting back for the grand prix

I will ditch my future children whereever I may be to catch the F1 bloody sky

Fabby, You sound the most envious of any poster on here. It's a terrible thing is envy.

I'd just talk to him, acknowledging that there are parts of his life you don't see and parts of yours that he doesn't. Not 'it's not fair and I'm really angry.' 'I'd like to spend more time with you at the weekend' is unlikely to put anyone's back up. I find I'm less resentful, and therefore less passive-aggressive, when dh does the swimming run and I get to do a bit of housework on my own and feel that it's my house too, rather than just dh's domain. I love family walks/museum trips, but I like them more when I'm allowed to spend half an uninterrupted hour on the phone to my mum afterwards (I can't talk to her during the week because of time zones and work + children's bedtimes). Your dh may just want some time to catch up with himself and his non-work world before it all starts again on Monday.

YANBU at all. You should have titled your thread, AIBU to expect DH to get off the Playstation (='PS', right?) and deal with DD's poo?

The usual suspects have just read 'work 8 hours a week, kids in school', and decided to bang on about sense of entitlement and laziness. Don't give them too much headspace.

It's a matter of common courtesy and respect, isn't it? If you finish the loo roll, you go and get a new one, you don't go, "Oh yes, my wife will do that as I work all week and am Lord Of All I Survey".

Does he not seem to want to spend time with the kids at the weekend then, no? Was he like that when they were younger as well, or has he opted out more as they've got older and become harder going?

Since when did being in full time work mean your wife became full time house elf?

Oh yes, since the 1950s but some of us hoped that in the 21st century things might have changed. This is such a depressing thread, I cannot believe that so many other women are prepared to legitimise such lazy arse behaviour on the part of the OP's DH.

The OP's youngest child has only just started school and I would bet my last pound that her husband's strike has been building up for some time.

Oh and I'm a single parent and have worked full time and it's really not that exhausting. What a silly argument

OP, when you say you don't moan at him, do you mean you haven't told him how you're feeling about his behaviour over the weekend (or maybe you have- just without moaning :) ) Does he know you think he's a lazy arse with the family over the weekend?

Yanbu. He should be pulling his weight with his children, and also tidying up after himself. I agree not necessarily hoovering etc, but cooking, cleaning up after etc is all part and parcel of being an adult...what would he do if the OP wasn't there? He shouldn't be adding to her workload.

What is more worrying is why does he not want to do anything family related? DH does half of everything when he is home and wouldn't have it any other way.

No one has said shes his slave!
In fact everyone apart from fabby Has said he is well out of order expecting her to clear up after him.

However, this being 2011 not 1951 as someone just mentioned, it's ridiculous to complain about housework if you're only working 8 hours a week. Housework takes no time at all nowadays.

I suspect as i said earlier the key to this is having a better balance in BOTH their lives. He may well be feeling hacked off with the earning imbalance just as much as she is hacked off with his disengagement. You both need to do more of both- he needs to take more
Responsibility for engaging with the kids and home things and she needs to take more responsibility for providing. Too much of a
Mismatch currently which is the problem

I feel that this isn't a housework issue at all, it's actually about the DH's attitude of sitting on his arse all weekend and not getting involved in family life.

I don't work, my DH does. I do the majority of the housework then at weekends we share parenting of the children. So things like making meals, nappy changes, bathtimes, homework etc are done by us both.

YANBU

Well some of those things you have mentioned - using last bit of kitchen roll etc etc my DH would do but just because he wasn't thinking not because he thought it was my job.

Unless you have spoken to your DH about this and tried to come to a resolution I think this thread is pointless. GO AND TALK TO YOUR HUSBAND. If he says "Sorry dear all that is your job" then yes he is a prize twat.

Not getting at you at all Angryfeet, but I always feel it's such a cop-out when men say they "didn't think" to replace the kitchen roll, or the loo roll, or to clean out the kids lunchboxes or to take washing upstairs, or whatever. It's basically saying "I am allowed to not think about things like this because I know you will pick up the slack and do it if I don't"

I am very that so many posters call op's dh lazy and 'sitting on his arse all weekend'. OP has free time 5 days a week 9am-3pm.

Nofrills - the OP does work the equivalent of one day, 8 hours.

But yes, I agree with your point - that still gives her masses of time when she isn't working and isn't responsible for the children. Certainly at least as much, probably more, than her husband gets at the weekend.

I think the OP should tell her DH to clear up after himself, change the loo roll if he uses the last bit up etc - that's basic common manners.

Other than that, I think she needs to accept that if she broaches him about wanting him to do more around the home, he may well tell her he wants a better balance too. I don't think she can have it both ways, and expect to only work one day a week but have a husband who sees himself as equally responsible on the domestic front. It seems an odd set up to work so little when your kids are in school and then complain that your dh isn't doing enough at weekends.

Of course he should be engaging with the children - and thats a whole other issue - but that doesn't necessarily have to mean ferrying them to swimming lessons - which is more of a logistical thing rather than spending time with the kids. He'd be better off taking them for a swim himself - he probably doesn't want to sit on a sweaty poolside all saturday morning, which is the reality of swimming lessons.

Major imbalance here which is the main problem though.

Have you considered getting more paid work over the weekend and leaving your DH in charge?
Because when I worked ft and had a SAHP, he worked at the weekends and I did the SAHP bit. That way we both shouldered the burden of financial support, child interaction and housework. Rather than one of us wanting our bread buttered both sides with extra jam.

I think the most depressing part of this thread is that so many people have call op lazy as she has lots of time during the week for housework. Housework doesn't stop at 7pm on friday evening. Meals still have be cooked. Washing up done. Kitchen and toilets are still in use over the weekend so may need additional cleaning.
Plus on another thread the consensus of opinion was that a SAHP is perfectly entitled to get a cleaner if they desire. Yet this op has an enormouse sense of entitlement to expect her dh to help in the the house a little and is lazy.

If I was home 4 days a week with kids in school, I would cook during the week and freeze.Saves time at weekends. Washing up/stacking dishwasher can be done by school age children (and is indeed good for them). Yes, the kitchen and toilets are in use over the weekend, and tbh anyone splashing/skidding in the toilet should clear up after themselves! Kitchen surface needs - what? - a few minutes wipe down at the end of Sat and Sun. Which I agree, should be done by either the OP or her DH, its not a big deal. Anything more than this - hoovering, cleaning bathroom, washing windows and floors etc - well, the OP should do that as she works only 8 hours.

The point is, the OP seems to be being pretty inefficient with her time if she really feels there is a lot to be done in the house over the weekend.

Have not read whole thread, but regardless of what is fair, I think it is good that the children see that both parents do their share at the weekend. Especially in households of a father and a mother because it reinforces the stereotype that women have to do everything - this can't be a good model for them to see.

Ok so she works 8 hours, still 4 free days doesn't sound bad to me. I'm sorry but even if you throw in the 'load d/w, wipe the kitchen table/put butter in the fridge' it still doesn't look hectic to me.
Dh should interact more with the kids, yes def.

MsWeatherwax you could say the same about paying the mortgage and bills then

I would love to do more paid work at the weekends. Unfortunately it's not so simple. We do spend quite a few weekends away in the summer and during winter dh has a football season ticket and is out at least 50% of the the weekend.
I do think that maybe wording of my post was not the best. It's not about dh getting hoover out. It's about simple things like maybe putting the rubbish out when the bin is full. Or getting off the playstation when he realises dd had had an accident. This incidently happened after I started thread.

Yes I agree nofrills.

But her DH is being lazy if he's not interacting with the kids/putting things in the cupboard/putting his dirty laundry in the bin.
DH and I both work full time - so which one of us should get to do fa all weekend.

Her DH has responsibility for himself and also for the kids - just because you work during the week doesn't mean you get to be utterly selfish at the weekends.

We've all agreed that not interacting with the kids is a problem. But the op did word it in' terms of wanting more jobs done at home, driving the kids to swimming etc which is different

I understand that you want your DH to pull his weight more re house and his DC on the weekends but I'm still confused as to why you can't get most of the housework done during the week.