to want some assistance in the house at the weekend even though I only

[newcastle78]

work about 8 hours a week outside the home and dc are at school.

I appreciate i have it easier during the week. I can get most of the housework done whilst dc are at school.

However, at the weekend dh does sweet fa.

i do the swimming run and virtually all the stuff that needs doing day in day out.

the third sentence in the OP's first post says "I can get most of the housework done whilst the DC are at school". Quite how you've come up with her not doing any housework is quite puzzling given that that is there in black and white.

sometimes I wish people might consider the reasons some women are at home parents or not, there are lots of reasons not simply sponging off a DP ffs. I am redundant from full time job and looking for work but really enjoying being home I clean, shop, wash, iron, cook etc all week on friday I buy easy food such as pizza cos the DS's like to go out and do their own thing (we eat together rest of week) then sat I only do anything that really is needed and sunday I do sweet FA. DH is my solemate who I love dearly and we are good together BUT he is a lazy arse when it comes to the house (apart from the bins ) he will do stuff if I ask but I don't think I should have to ask. I have pointed out to him that things will have to change when I get another job but like the op I do wish that he would put a bit more effort in at weekends, he used to cook for us on friday and saturday but I have noticed that it gets later and later and I end up doing it (fool) however I do remind him regularly how lucky he is to have me.

He should 100% be spending time with his family and having time with the children etc that's a no brainer.

ah....wamster is just one of those SAHM haters you encounter on MN sometimes.

So you think a SAHM should be a slave, or else not be SAHM (serves her right!)...

Wamster, why all the hate?

If you must hate, can't you go and hate some less innocent victims?

Thanks

I don't 'hate' sahms at all (of whatever type), however, if they are not actually being sahms -and that means either looking after pre-school children or caring for a disabled child who, even though they attend school, require hands-on care the rest of the time, I think the label 'sahm' is a joke.

Lady of leisure more like. And the opening poster is a classic example. Good luck to ladies of leisure but to come on here and moan about their 'plight' (!) is a bit much.

Have you any idea of how bitter and jealous you sound, Wamster? Those of us that are fortunate enough to be in the position that we don't need to work quite frankly don't give a monkeys about whether you "allow" us to call ourselves SAHMs or whatever. Your posts are quite laughable really. You just sound so angry with the world.

My hours have been cut so I'm only working about 8 hours a week. I have 3 school age kids. Other than play with the kids, load dishwasher and bedtime I don't expect my DH to do a lot. I have plenty of time in the week plus I go to the gym etc. DH is out of the house 8-8 in the week and completely exhausted. He does always cook the roast on Sunday.

Exactly, verytellytubby, I think the OP would be delighted if her DH did as much as yours.

You care, HexagonalQueenofTheSummer, why else are you responding otherwise? People who really don't care do not respond, I find.

I've told you already that I am a bit jealous. I freely admit that. But then I see that these ladies of leisure sahms ( I am not talking here about those with pre-school children i.e. toddlers of parents of disabled children who work bloody hard) will be up sh*t creek should their partner leave them or, sadly, die.

They become so used to the easy life -as our opening poster has- that they want to do less and less and think that baking one cake in a day and doing a bit of washing-up and laundry is an achievement.
Not a good thing if you actually are put in a position where you REALLY have to work.

Wamster, I am not prepared to get into a tit for tat argument with you. For some reason you have an enormous chip on your shoulder.

You should read back some of your posts on this thread to yourself and just see what you sound like!

Hexagonal
i'm going to write this very quickly because i have to go.

a) You claim to be on OP's side but you have managed to ruin her thread.

b) You don't represent SAHMs very well imo if your argument is that you are busy because you are on call in case one of your children has forgotten the lunch money. You insult SAHMs in my opinion.

c) I personally find it irritating that you are giving us lectures on feminism.

Newcastle I haven't read all of the thread but from what I've read YANBU.
Assuming the school run takes 30 mins that means you have from 9.30-2.30 in the day, so 5 hours, minus one for lunch as I assume your husband get a lunch break, that is four hours. Four hours times five days is 20 hours a week. You work 8 so that leaves you with 12, say 5 hours is taken up with housework and I think i'm underestimating that only leaves you with 7 hours free time. You also do all of the cooking and evening childcare when your husband is home, from what you say. Say your husband get home at 6.30 and your kids go to bed at 8 and in that time you are looking after them whilst he relaxes that is an extra 7.5 hours work you are doing. So with your 7 hours of spare time whilst the kids are at school you are still working half an hour more than him in the week.

So basically from my calculations you are actually 'working' an extra half an hour more than him in the week, so any weekend work does need to be shared equally.

How have I ruined the thread,NoFrills? Ruined a thread because you didn't like what I said? Yes, I am on the OP's side, hence I have challenged your ridiculous opinion on her predicament.

Get over yourself!

p.s. NoFrills and Wamster, are you the same person?? It seems odd that you both share an incredibly odd opinion and both pop up at exactly the same time to say similar things. Hmmmm

hardboiledpossum very interesting and makes me rethink OP's hours a bit. I still think her DH could be much more engaged and mature.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer, you do know that troll-hunting isn't allowed here, right?
In any case: No. I am not NoFrills. A cursory glance at our differing writing styles would confirm this, anyway.

Although, I find it odd that you find my opinion odd! For goodness sake, most people would regard a 'sahm' who didn't look after young children or care for a disabled child (who while at school still needed hands-on care at home) a bit of a throwback.

I mean what the blazes do they do all day?! Surely the maximum (and I do mean maximum) amount of housework a person does in a day -including cooking and school runs etc takes no more than 4 hours day?

Your lifestyle is great and it suits you. Good for you-I admit to feeling a twinge of envy, but, please, this 'I work hard I really do' nonsense is wearing thin now.

I've just read through this thread and can't believe some of the things said.

The poster stated that she does most of the housework during the week, so why are people saying she doesn't?

She said that he leaves his glass and papers for her to pick up. WTF?

The overwhelming thing that comes out is that he's not doing anything. Diddly squat. He goes to the football every fortnight (fair enough, we all need a hobby) and when he's at home he's playing on the computer, to the stage where when his child needs a hand with the toilet, he's calling his wife to deal with it, when she's busy. WTF?

What she wants is for him to spend some time with his children, to help wash up after dinner, empty the bin if it needs doing and maybe, just maybe, cook a meal or make lunch occasionally at weekends, instead of her doing everything.

Is that too much to ask? Is it? Really?

His lack of interaction with the children is unacceptable, however, ALL the housework is her job.

For goodness sake, a person who works full-time does 40 or so hours a week of something they don't want to do (ANY job gets to be a chore after a while) so why the can't the opening poster accept that she should do 40 hours of drudgery, too?

Not that she actually does 40 or so hours of drudgery a week, of course, what with her 8-hour job and housework (which surely does not take her 32 hours a week)? .

Well, I've managed twenty years of doing nothing (according to certain posters), and my husband has always spent his weekends helping with odd jobs, and would think it wrong if he didn't.

I am not going to run around after anyone in my family clearing up their mess. They're all old enough to do it themselves and my husband is big enough to do it too.

Wamster, I am pretty sure that another poster has pointed out on this thread that the OP does do 40 hours, and more, of drudgery per week. I'm certain that if her children are ill or wake in the night, it is her that gets up with them. She looks after them all weekend. Mornings. Afternoons after school. Evenings. What about during school holidays when she has them all day every day? Should her DH help out at weekends then?

As has been pointed out on this thread to you several times already, the OP does do all the housework. Looking after children, however, is not housework. I don't consider it housework to change my son's nappy. I don't consider it housework taking my daughter to Brownies. I don't consider it housework taking the kids over to the park. Those 3 things are the type of things the OP would like her husband to do. He could still have his down-time, but I think it's unfair that he is clocking off at 5pm each evening and doing nothing, when chances are the OP doesn't get to clock off until 9 or 10pm that night once all the chores and childcare for the day are done.

Wamster what is your situation. do you have to work full time and then do loads of housework? Is that why you don't have much sympathy for OP? just curious not having a dig.

I don't think the housework is all OP's job and that is when resentment in a partnership builds up. The DC can help as well. (mine don't much but wish they did) and the DH can stop treating her as a servant i.e. wet towels left lying around.

wamster I agree with you that the OP should be doing all the housework during the week (which she says she does) but surely you don't think it's reasonable for her DH to leave sweet papers and empty cups lying around for her to clear up while he plays playstation or whatever?
Or to call on her to change their DDs soiled clothes when she was busy with the other DC?

What is so wrong about expecting the father of your children to actually get involved with them at weekends? I don't get the impression that the OP is sitting around all week waiting for her nails to dry (she makes it clear that she doesn't) and would ask what century are we living in where lazy men should expect to do fuck all around the house or help bring up their own children?

Wamster. Op had said she had done the full time work and long commute before. I am sure she knows what it's like.

Hex we are not the same person, do you now note the time we post aswell?
OP said herself that she has 5 1/2hrs each day for housework. She has another 3 - ish hrs after school when she can load a w/m etc. I assume she cooks for the dcs in the afternoon so i don't know why 'cooking' is mentioned again in the evening. She should cook one meal for everybody and she should cook double and freeze. As for 'washing' in the evenings, no dishwasher? She probably does bath/stories every evening, he should do that at least twice a week imo.

Weekends - OP said she went to the swimming, then met a friend, then met dh for lunch. It sounds great and relaxing to me. That's lovely. He should sort out the wrappers or dd and it shouldn't be any laudry/ironing/full bins in sight on weekends. Thats fair imo.