to want some assistance in the house at the weekend even though I only

[newcastle78]

work about 8 hours a week outside the home and dc are at school.

I appreciate i have it easier during the week. I can get most of the housework done whilst dc are at school.

However, at the weekend dh does sweet fa.

i do the swimming run and virtually all the stuff that needs doing day in day out.

Regardless how who does what and how many hours they work, I can't imagine sitting on my backside whilst my DH is getting stressed doing stuff around the house or with the children. And vice versa. How can you watch someone doing work and not help? Any of my family members or friends would pitch in and help and so would I. Nothing more annoying than someone just adding to mess and not lifting a finger to do anythin and watching someone else doing all the work.

Not really saying dh should do swimming run. I understand he is full on during the week so I am happy to get up early to dp swimming run whilst he has a lie in. What is annoying is finding used wrappers lying around when I get back. When I than go to put them in the bin it is full. Surely dh could do that?
Plus surely as other have said you should attend to your child more. I have just done the whole bath, homework and bedtime routine again.
Why should tv get in the way of that?
Realise others have agreed with me on that point.
Incidently I don't think he wants things to change. When I have shown interest in applying for jobs all I seem to get is negatives. Like how difficult it is to book holiday or the classic you have to make sure you are back so I can get to work etc etc.

Well I would suggest being more proactive about getting more hours or changing jobs. Don't let his negativity about it put you off- that's awful for him to react like that. You'll get annual leave so it doesn't need to get in the way of holidays, and you can organise proper childcare so theres none of this nonsense about feeling you have to fit round him. Nip this in the bud now by being proactive otherwise in 20'years time you'll still be clearing up after him and doing low paid menial work to fit round him because you'll feel thats all you deserve

the OP gets six hours or more a day to do what she wants, sorry but housework does not take more than an hour, yet she has no time to do it. eat out on friday nights i.e buy in so no washing up, have an night off.

So that leaves sat and sunday, it takes an hour at most to cook a dinner, and 20 mins to clear up, toilets only need bleach throwing down takes seconds.

Housework is not hard its easy if you make sure you keep on top of it nothing is hard work, if you make it hard work it will be.

The OP cannot manage her time wants to control her parnters because she is lazy she has no kids at home during the day at all.

I can see your points Newcastle. Seems to be that what you're asking for is not actually extra help with the housework. It comes across that you would like 2 things to change. One is for your husband to interact with you and the children at weekends rather than ignoring you all to do his own thing ( though it's reasonable for him to have some time to himself - just not the whole weekend). The other is for him to have a bit of respect for you and the work that you do in the house, rather than treating you as his personal slave who will go round clearing up all the things he can't be bothered to do.

Something that we do that might be an idea for you to consider- I get the cleaning done so that on Friday evening everything is clean and tidy. Any mess that's made over the weekend is everyone's responsibility - so we all spend half an hour or so on a Sunday making sure everything is tidy so that I can then clean.

Fabby I think the point is that other members of the family generate extra work at the weekend for the OP by not putting their own rubbish in the bin / own things away. No matter how effectively you clean during the week, it can be undone in minutes if everyone else uses stuff and then just leaves it lying around .

And housework only takes an hour ? For all the cleaning / hoovering / tidying / mopping / bins / dusting / recycling / changing beds / washing / ironing ? Really ?

Fabby, not sure if you've read the thread , but the OP hasn't actually said that she is having any trouble doing the housework.

She does most of it when the kids are in school. That's in the second line of the OP.

If you want to know what she's actually complaining about (or, in fact, not complaining to her husband), you'll need to read the thread.

Fabby have you actually read the whole thread? Op is not asking dh to do the cleaning? She has done that herself during the week. She is just wanting her dh to deal with a pooed in pair of pants when she is sorting out washing. Not much to ask really!!!!!
Or to emopy a bin when it's full.
What about looking after dc. A 4 and 6 year old needs some input you know!

OOps cross post!

I think he should give you a hand at the weekend. I think everyone should muck in whilst they are there.

"Inertia* - "I get the cleaning done so that on Friday evening everything is clean and tidy. Any mess that's made over the weekend is everyone's responsibility - so we all spend half an hour or so on a Sunday making sure everything is tidy so that I can then clean."

Now that is a fair and sensible system. And should I ever have the house clean on a Friday evening, I will use it

Also I wish it only took me an hour to clean the whole house. Maybe if you live on your own it would take an hour but not with a young family.

Fabby does this mean that the kids should take no responsibility for themselves at the weekend as they've been at school all week?

Reading through the info you've added later I understand your point of view OP and do think your DH should do more in terms of picking up after himself and his children - that, I don't consider to be 'housework' it's just generally pulling your own weight.

I'm a SAHM but mine are only babies really and I do all the cooking/cleaning/washing/dog walking etc and a lot of cooking and fit it in around the children.

But I absolutely expect DH to pick up after himself and to do things like empty the dishwasher at the weekends because that is not the kind of stuff I can do before our shared weekends and I see no reason why I should follow him around picking up after him.

Thank you for your tips. I will just ignore fabby.

You are right about the wrappers and clearing up after himself. I'm not sure about the bins, maybe if you change them on friday they will not be full till monday or later? Do you think he might leave the wrappers around as kind of protest for you not finishing the housework during the week? Just a thought.

You need to talk but better not to aproach this by accusing him or complaining about your schedule. Just suggest that you both need to make some changes: you by doing the housework by friday and him by reducing the tv/pc time, then you both spend more time with the kids and all the family has more fun and restful weekends.
I would also point that we must teach the dcs to respect the house, respect each other, and be responsible for own mess (wrappers!) and the best way to do that is to lead by example

I agree with callmemrs about the work and to be honest this is a bit alarming.

P.S. I must say OP you have handled this thread and the negative comments very well.

Thank you no frillls. I think you are right about wrappers etc I think dc think it is acceptable to not put things in the bin because they see daddy doesn't bother. Some serious talking needed I think.

sorry but housework does not take more than an hour

Fabby I wish you would stop saying that, it might take YOU no more than an hour but we don't all have the same lives/houses. Come to my house and see if you can clean it from top to bottom in an hour.

Read the thread to see what the OP is actually complaining about!

Oh fgs. Why shouldn't he empty the bin??

We have a similar set up OP.

I do MOST things at the weekend, DH never cooks, shops or does laundry or beds.

I don't have a problem with that, I make the most of my time-off when kids are at school

I DO have a problem if DH and boys would just leave stuff for me to pick up, or would not do simple things like putting their clothes in the laundry basket and not leave them on the floor, put their stuff in the dishwasher after lunch, offering to help with the dishes etc.

I am SAHM, and happy to do all the jobs, but leaving stuff lying around for me to pick up after them....that I would not do. I am not a servant after all, and also don't want the DC to think a woman will run after them doing everything. So they tidy their own room, help a bit here and there, and are appreciative of what I do.

sometimes they need reminding though.

Sounds like our set up too chandon. Working full time does not mean opting out of family life which I think is what the OP is finding hard.

OP, I appreciate that perhaps you are having problems that need help, but, really, you are taking the piss.

Eight hours is VERY little in terms of actual paid work, your children are of school age, you have only two of them.
Put simply, your leisure time is much, much more than your dh's.

FFS, get a grip on this. Your husband has every right to do f* all at the weekends. This is not a gender issue, if I worked a full-time job and my partner only 8 hours and had school age kids, I'd be mad as hell if I had to wash a dish unless in unusual circumstances (partner ill, away etc).

You may have problems, but seriously, projecting this onto a totally unfair attack on your dh will not help. If I were him, I'd think that you were being totally unreasonable and I would be so pissed off, I'd consider ending things.

If your dh did this, and you became a single mum, I can assure you that you would find out what genuine hardship is in terms of time -if not financial- poverty.

She empties the bin because he is out working all week. Is he supposed to get in after a 10-hour commute and empty the bins?
Funny how these threads focus on an unpleasant job that the working parent doesn't do to get sympathy for the opening poster.
Well to counterbalance, getting up at 6am for a 2 hour commute to do a 10 hour job and 2 hours back again isn't pleasant, either.

I disagree with those of you that say the OP's husband shouldn't have to lift a finger all weekend. Yes, the housework is her "job", but why the heck should she have to run round after him like a skivvy clearing up his wrappers and doing everything for the kids by herself. Why should he be able to clock off from his parenting duties when he wants but the OP has to do them 24 hours at weekends. Fair enough that he shouldn't have to hoover the whole house or clean the windows, but FFS, leaving his child to sit in her own wee because he's on the playstation, or leaving wrappers all over the house for the OP to pick up is disrespectful.

Why should the OP have to serve him like she's a servant all weekend, washing his dishes and doing everything?