to be a bit miffed DP wants to spend Xmas away from his new DD?

[Orbinator]

DD is 3.5 M/O and her dad and I don't live together. He visits every weekend and I have no doubt he is besotted with her, but he doesn't really have much responsibility towards her; he can go out drinking in the week and still sends money to his brothers when they are in need although he won't make regular payments to me. He says he loves me and has talked about marriage several times in the last 2 weeks.

Last weekend he said that he is really upset that he won't get to see his family at Xmas, even though he was invited to stay with his mum, as he knows I won't want him to be away for over 2 weeks. Of course I felt I hadn't much choice but to say it was OK, but secretly I'm really hoping he will choose his DD and me over his brothers and Mum. I'm pretty sure he now is going to take this as a green light (I think he may have been angling for me to feel guilty). AIBU? I do want him to catch up with them, but the thought of Xmas alone with DD is really depressing me

I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with the profile pic. There is a picture of me up on a public site, hugely PG, stark naked and smoking a cigar, so I am not going to criticize anyone else for wanting to show off a bump.

But well done if you have managed to bin this man, Orb. He will never be your partner. He is a selfish, lazy cocklodger who is almost certainly running several women, throwing each of them enough crumbs to be sure that when one gets pissed off and throws him out, he can move in with another one for home comforts and ego-stroking. He almost certainly joined that website as a way of sourcing lonely, desperate, vulnerable women who would believe his bullshit and do almost anything to keep his attention.

You will do fine without him, you can keep an open door for him to see his DD, but remove yourself from the situation as much as possible. And don't, for goodness sake, seek out or engage in another relationship until you have spent at least a year single.

I definitely don't want another relationship at the moment!

Re: counselling; I've considered it a few times since he left me when pg actually as I had a pretty rough time of it then and since. I can't honestly say why I thought he'd stick around - all the signs were there from him to be committed to us both, but it wasn't to be. I know in hindsight I should never have got involved. I prob do need to talk it over with someone as I definitely wouldn't have put up with a tenth of what he's put me through with other boyfriends in the past.

Interesting about the personal boundaries issue. Is that down to the pic or because I am being so open on here? I've not considered that before but am always open with my feelings as in the past (early twenties) I suffered with depression from bottling things up, which was very unhealthy. Perhaps I went to the other extreme...? I'll happily tell people what is going on in my life if they want to know. Is that wrong? I just don't see the point in not being who you are.

I'm just going to focus on DD now. She is everything I wanted and more. I know I can look after her brilliantly on my own (after all, it's 90% me as it is!) and it's loads better she has one happy full time parent than two who can't get on. I've read all the books on single parenting, now I just need to put them into practice without the "will he, won't he" going on in the background.

Good stuff Orbinator - I think you'll be so much happier

There are lots of other single mothers by choice on here if you want to chat :)