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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have said no to SIL?

182 replies

dunkydunker · 15/11/2011 00:03

I'm due in Feb and so this christmas is the last chistmas we will have without children.
We usually alternate between families and therefore countries

Except this year we are staying put and locking ourselves away and doing the xmas we use to have when we first got together.

My DBro and SIL are both working xmas day and have a 10 yo DD.

For whatever reason they don't want her at SILs family (who live in a hour radius of them). and it is only me and DBro left really.

It isn't like they live down the road but they live 7 hrs away.

SIL asked if DN could spend christmas with us

I said that normally we would have said yes but that this year we are just staying in and not doing very christmassy things (no tree, just piles of tinsel) Chinese for food tea and (didn't tell her this one: being naked all day - that is DHs wish anyway) as it was our last christmas to do exactly how we like.

Aparrently this isn't nice and 'why can't we have DN?' and it is very very unhelpful and we should be more willing to help them out.
I said again that we would normally but this time we would have to say no, sorry it isn't possible this time.

We do help them out and we have many times - over summer holidays, with their house.

are we being really unreasonable by not having DN over Christmas just because it doesn't it with what we want?

OP posts:
IneedAbetterNickname · 15/11/2011 00:04

YANBU! Enjoy your last naked Christmas :)

Schnarkle · 15/11/2011 00:05

What reason have they for not wanting their OWN child with them at christmas?

YANBU and they are bonkers. Case closed Wink

BluddyMoFo · 15/11/2011 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AlfalfaMum · 15/11/2011 00:06

No yanbu.

lol at naked Christmas :D

The yreally live 7hours away?? How were they planning on geting DN to you?

eaglewings · 15/11/2011 00:08

They are in a very difficult situation if they both have to work. However if she comes to you it sounds as if no one will enjoy Christmas.
Can't she go to a friends house?

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 15/11/2011 00:08

She's their child - why on earth have they managed to both be working on Christmas Day? that poor girl - she'll feel awful Confused It's not your fault, and I don't blame you one bit for saying no, but I would think less of your bro and sil for not having arrangements in place before they both ended up rostered on for work at the same time, let alone at Christmas.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 15/11/2011 00:09

Probably going to get slated for this but why are 2 people who have a child, both working on Christmas day!
Just what schnarkle said, YADNBU they are selfish and mad.

Original poster
dunkydunker · 15/11/2011 00:09

Alfalfa Guess stick her on a very very long train journey (only one train) day before xmas eve.
Schnarkle They are both working during day on Xmas day - I just don't see why she doesn't go to her other aunts/uncles or GP, they would get to see her eve and boxing day then and maybe even xmas day for a tiny tiny bit.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 15/11/2011 00:09

Poor child :(

Thruaglassdarkly · 15/11/2011 00:10

YANBU. End of. Enjoy your naked Christmas while you can, because you won't get the chance for another for many, many years...Wink

fuzzywuzzy · 15/11/2011 00:11

YANBU, they asked, you refused, they have alternative options available to them.

I don't think I've ever hounded anyone to babysit for me. You don't want to you shouldn't have to.

Enjoy naked Christmas!

PeelThemWithTheirMetalKnives · 15/11/2011 00:13

Won't it be a bit chilly? [worried]

Oh, and YANBU!

squeakytoy · 15/11/2011 00:14

YANBU at all by the way, I meant to say that too.

I just cannot believe that your SIL would rather not see her child at all over xmas, (and if you are 7 hours away, then that would mean at least 3 days).. or that your SIL has no family who the child go to. Its horrible for the poor kid. :(

LadyWord · 15/11/2011 00:22

Wow well done for saying no, and stick to your guns. I love your xmas plans.

GlitterySkulls · 15/11/2011 00:30

yanbu at all, but poor kid :(

my2centsis · 15/11/2011 00:39

yanbu at all enjoy your naked non busy xmas...
Although i do have to say lets hope you dont need any favours from dbro in the future as you would be UR to ask them

AlfalfaMum · 15/11/2011 00:49

Gasp! Is my2centsis the SIL??

my2centsis · 15/11/2011 00:56

lol damn you caught me!

as i read the thread i was imagining an AIBU a few years from now from OPs SIL saying OP is asking for a favor yet when we needed her help a couple of xmas ago she said no as she was looking forward to her last naked xmas aibu to say we cant help her [hmmm]

In saying that i would love to be secure with my body image after having kids and have a naked day.... Oh how i miss the past lol lol

ZacharyQuack · 15/11/2011 01:05

YANBU.

That poor girl, they want to send her (solo?) on a 7 hour train journey the day before Xmas Eve, spend Xmas with her aunt and uncle and then presumably 7 hours back again on 26/27th? That doesn't sound like much fun for a 10yo.

Are your DB and SIL just trying to engineer Xmas spent by themselves?

Original poster
dunkydunker · 15/11/2011 01:07

think if she said that I would be a bit Confused and a bit pissed. esp after looking after DN for 2 weeks the last 3 summer holidays (including taking her back to where DH is from) and helped them out on a deposit for their house.

Oh and the heating will be on full blast for naked christmas :)

OP posts:
Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 15/11/2011 01:34

Of course YANBU - did you ask her why the more local relatives couldn't look after her and they get to spend most of hols with her?

SchrodingersMew · 15/11/2011 01:56

Gawd, YANBU! I had an AIBU a while back because my SIL was trying to arrange taking DS from me for a whole day just days after he was going to be born before he was born!

This sounds exactly the type of thing she would say about being unfair and such.

Last week she had wanted to take DS for a day to visit one of DP's close family in hospital and had wanted to have him overnight the night before. We made an excuse and refused and said she could take him for the day so she could visit the hospital but not overnight and she hung up the phone, then sent a text 5 minutes later basically saying she wouldn't be taking him at all.

I finally got the big girl pants on good and proper and we sent her a text back telling her exactly what we thought, about how she's not the priority anymore and it's up to us what happens not her etc etc.

God, did it feel great!

Do not give in, YANBU she is being a bloody child. Tell her completely straight what you think.

Oh and have a great naked Xmas! Wink

Spermysextowel · 15/11/2011 05:06

Part of me is thinking they must work in a rubbish industry if both have to work over Xmas; other part is wondering what they did for the last 9 years?

I've done the rubbish industry thing which is why I gave up (one of my) job(s) when I had children. Sounds like you've done enough favours in the past to prevent this from coming back to bite you in the bum, but I bet it still will.

Oh and while a naked Xmas may seem young, carefree & wanton, have a care for the environment . Don't get out of bed
unless you really have to, & keep the thermostat low. Wink

ZonkedOut · 15/11/2011 05:13

Poor child. They need to have a Christmas on a different day that they both can make instead of sending a 10 year old on a 14 hour round trip to spend it with you.

Why can't anyone closer have her, do you know?

bagelmonkey · 15/11/2011 05:24

YANBU
What jobs do they do? Surely one of them could swap a shift if they explained that they couldn't both work the same shift on Christmas day? Or maybe that's the way they want it?