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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel shocked that my 4 year old was slated on 1st parents evening

319 replies

prettyontheinside · 14/11/2011 15:20

without using the word 'slow' my dd's ability to concentrate, obey simple instructions, even write her name correctly were all mentioned...a snigger also at the fact she struggled writing, recognising the number 9. i was also told "i'm here to tell it like it is" - now, i hadn't asked "does my bum look big in this"? but was there to discuss my child... i am thoroughly worried as i was also told she'd be 'left behind'...i did say i felt the child discussed isn't the girl i recognise. she's been writing her name for a year...could it be that her teacher lacks rapport with her charges, looks like an unmade bed (cords and cotton traders t's + trainers) and has a lady beard...in fact after a week off school with a virus the teacher in question did not even mention my child's return to class - to welcome or to reassure...all that aside, don't you think the school should perhaps have called me in pre parents evening and not deliver such worrying news in an alloted 10 minute slot within earshot of other parents... what would you do?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 14/11/2011 15:22

She's 4!! I wouldn't be so uncomplimentary about a teachers physical appearance! How nasty...

NinkyNonker · 14/11/2011 15:23

What does her appearance have to do with anything? Confused

Mishy1234 · 14/11/2011 15:24

Is this your daughter's reception year?

I don't find the feedback about your daughter worrying, but I do think the teacher sounds rather poor. Your child is just 4 and it's not appropriate (imo) for the teacher to say she'll be 'left behind' or anything like it. If she's just started in school, the main achievement I would be looking for was that she was settling in.

Others will come with more constructive feedback I'm sure, but I wouldn't worry about your daughter.

ilovesooty · 14/11/2011 15:24

What on earth does the teacher's physical appearance have to do with your concerns?

gordyslovesheep · 14/11/2011 15:24

blimey - parents evenings are about discussing your childs progress in education - she mentioed two things of concern which you have honed in on - are staff not meant to discuss that with you? regardless of how they dress?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/11/2011 15:26

You're going to get a lot of shit describing her teacher in that way. If you really want feedback, get the thread pulled and re-post without being repulsive about her appearance.

Mishy1234 · 14/11/2011 15:26

I agree, the teacher's appearance is irrelevant. However, her negative feedback on a 4 year old child who has just started school is not.

KatieMiddIeton · 14/11/2011 15:28

You are quite right OP. How dare she not treat your daughter as if she is the only child in the class?! And as for her personal appearance? Well that can only be an indicator of what an abismal teacher she is!

Biscuit
GobblersKnob · 14/11/2011 15:30

Is this the same teacher who is unable to learn your childs name?

Backtobedlam · 14/11/2011 15:30

That must have been a shock if nothing has been said previously-and although you need to hear things your child is struggling with, you also need to hear the positives and what she does well (which I'm sure must be lots of things). It's only part way through the first term, I suppose they wouldn't have had much chance to speak with you prior to parents evening. If it was me I think I'd ask for a meeting with teacher and also head of year present to discuss in more detail and also see what they want from you/dd. Id go prepared wirh a list of questions and also tell them what support/info you'd like from the school. Personally I wouldn't be too worried at this stage about writing her name etc.she's only 4 and is just settling in...that in itself is hard enough. Lots of children struggle the first few terms but catch up later on, so it doesn't mean she'll be left behind.

HelveticaTheBold · 14/11/2011 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maisiethemorningsidecat · 14/11/2011 15:33

Personal insults aside, yes, she could have handled that much better.

I'd ask for another one-to-one meeting to discuss your concerns when there are no time pressures, as the teacher has raised some pretty serious issues imo. I'd also be asking for an explanation (with my best raised eyebrow) as to why she thought it funny that your DD struggled with writing and recognising the no. 9

Fecklessdizzy · 14/11/2011 15:35

It's what one does at Parents Evenings ... You go, they point out areas of concern, you smile while raging inwardly then have a Wine or three and calm down ... What did you think was going to happen?

madeindevon2 · 14/11/2011 15:36

Do teachers really wear cords t shirts and trainers ????
They don't have to be vaguely smart?

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 15:41

Did she say anything positive about your child?

What's wrong with a teacher wearing cords and trainers? I imagine as she probably on her feet all day she needs to be comfortable.

marriedinwhite · 14/11/2011 15:45

So, you have been told that your daughter has difficulty concentrating, can't follow simple instructions, can't write her name yet, has difficulty forming the number 9 and might be left behind.

What are you going to start helping her with first:

Concentrating (paying attention to what she is being told)
Following simple instructions (doing as she is told)
Helping her with her fine motor control, ie, writing - possibly even via bead work, sorting and general playing.

Aren't you pleased you have have been told at the beginning of reception and not at the end of KS1 or KS2. Learning is a partnership - get partnering - and if in three months time your daughter isn't improving make an appointment to see the teacher and investigate sen referrals.

One of the best reception teachers I have ever met looks like the one you have described. She was the kindest and most sensible woman my children ever came across. She was also experienced enough to tell it as it was.

marriedinwhite · 14/11/2011 15:46

And I'm generally the uptight one who does expect the teachers to be smart. But not in reception where 30 children are likely to use what they are wearing as a hanky or wee in their lap. Ye Gods!

StaceymAloneForver · 14/11/2011 15:49

i would say its pretty normal, maybe she should have worded it better, but my ds can't write his name and he's 5, he can however write tyrannasaurous (i don't even know how to spell it!!) so i'm assuming he will catch up.

the school are highlighting her weaknesses, you would moan if they just glossed over them.

IMO there is no need to comment on the way she looks

ThisIsANickname · 14/11/2011 15:49

You are angry because she told you what your child needed to work on, which teachers are likely to do during these meetings, and because she didn't look the way you think she should?

YABVU.

What if she complained that your daughter came to school and her hair was sloppy or whatever. Wouldn't you be outraged?

hypocrite

Original poster
prettyontheinside · 14/11/2011 15:50

the fact is she was horrible about my daughter and did not say one positive thing...not one or two negatives but everything she said was a total put down - even to the way she held her pen... there was a trainee teacher there who did say my dd was a lovely child who worked well for her. perhaps it was ill-judged mentioning her beard, cords, trainers (forgot monobrow)joke.

OP posts:
StaceymAloneForver · 14/11/2011 15:53

how can the way you hold you pen be a put donw Hmm wanders off to find something interesting to do...

AnyFucker · 14/11/2011 15:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

valiumredhead · 14/11/2011 15:53

Is your dd happy at school?

SootySweepandSue · 14/11/2011 15:54

I'm surprised re the comments from others on the teachers appearance. I think that any position in the public eye should take care to dress appropriately, including teachers. I judge people by their appearance all the time. It's only natural to do so. Only mad boffins get away with looking shabby IMO.

It doesn't do well to get off on the wrong foot though, so maybe ask for a follow up meeting with her. Are you close to any other parents? Maybe ask about their kids?

OrmIrian · 14/11/2011 15:55

"not deliver such worrying news in an alloted 10 minute slot within earshot of other parents... "

What worrying news? Confused She's 4. How is that worrying? She has a long time to get these things sorted out.

BTW, try to get out this habit of making unpleasant remarks about your child's teacher. It's not a good way to build the sort of relationship you need to have,.