to feel shocked that my 4 year old was slated on 1st parents evening

[prettyontheinside]

without using the word 'slow' my dd's ability to concentrate, obey simple instructions, even write her name correctly were all mentioned...a snigger also at the fact she struggled writing, recognising the number 9. i was also told "i'm here to tell it like it is" - now, i hadn't asked "does my bum look big in this"? but was there to discuss my child... i am thoroughly worried as i was also told she'd be 'left behind'...i did say i felt the child discussed isn't the girl i recognise. she's been writing her name for a year...could it be that her teacher lacks rapport with her charges, looks like an unmade bed (cords and cotton traders t's + trainers) and has a lady beard...in fact after a week off school with a virus the teacher in question did not even mention my child's return to class - to welcome or to reassure...all that aside, don't you think the school should perhaps have called me in pre parents evening and not deliver such worrying news in an alloted 10 minute slot within earshot of other parents... what would you do?

how dare you talk about "slow" as if its a hideous insult.

My DD is "slow", it's not some hideous affliction.

oh my DD can't hold a pen properly either..how inferior

"I judge people by their appearance all the time. It's only natural to do so. Only mad boffins get away with looking shabby IMO."

I judge people on the shallowness of their character all the time. It's only natural to do so. Only mad boffins get away with being completely superficial IMO.

Sooty "I'm surprised re the comments from others on the teachers appearance. I think that any position in the public eye should take care to dress appropriately, including teachers. I judge people by their appearance all the time. It's only natural to do so. Only mad boffins get away with looking shabby IMO. ."

Thank god Im a mad boffin....imagine being judged on your appearance above your abilities to do a good job - must really suck.

Rather than getting angry - and personally insulting - I would suggest that you book a time for a follow-up meeting.

Having been on both sides of the desk at both good and bad parents' evenings I know that the 10 minute time slot can be less than ideal, especially if there is a lot to discuss and there is more than 1 member of staff present (done it as part of a jobshare, as a student teacher, and as a parent facing both of those combinations)

The teacher and the trainee may have agreed between themselves that the trainee teacher would do the positive bit, and that the teacher would feed back areas of concern, as a training exercise for the trainee teacher. Treat the two together as 'the message from the school was that she is a lovely child who works well under some circumstances, but that there are some areas of concern which the school wanted you to know about'.

The follow-up meeting would ideally be along the lines of 'I understand that you have some concerns about my daughter's behaviour and progress, can we discuss how we should all work together on this', rather than 'You're wrong, and you must be wrong because you don't look nice'. Bear in mind that a) I would much rather a Reception teacher didn't look immaculately groomed, as it means that they will be doing exactly what their job requires - getting involved with the children's play and b) Parents' evenings follow straight on from the school day. After over 6 hours in the classroom, followed by 2-3 hours of meetings with parents, even the best-groomed of teachers may look a little rumpled!

The Op didn't say she was shabby, she said she was wearing cords and trainers - practical clothes for working in a primary school.

Oh I apologise she did say she looked like an unmade bed. I am past caring now anyway

You sound concerned, so why don't you make an appointment with the teacher to discuss how you can both help you DD make some progress. If your DD is completely different at home, then it could be that she is struggling a bit in a classroom environment; finding it all too distracting to concentrate etc.
At the end of the day she is only in reception, so none of the things raised sound hugely worrying - but it sounds as though there may be alot you could do to support your DD at home.
It is such a shame you were so very rude about the teacher and are continuing to be so, because it does detract from your worries about your DD.

So what is the teacher suggesting needs to be done.?

It's great that you know now so you can do some stuff with your dd. You can help her with her pen holding skills. Do stuff with her to build up concentration such as games, jigsaws, story telling, etc.

Yes it would have been nice if the teacher had followed the rule of "say a positive thing, followed by a negative, followed by a positive" if she had negative things to say. So maybe she didn't in part the information in the best way but that doesn't mean that she's not a good teacher.

I remember dd,s Yr 2 parents evening, the one at the end of the year. Teacher looked at me and said " ah yes, I'm really worried about X, have been all year". I could barely speak I was so angry that she had waited all year, two weeks before the end of the school year to tell me.

Reviews Reception teachers fo her acquaintance... yes, cords, flat shoes and cotton T-shirt, or tunic and leggings, or really pushing the boat out with washable trousers and a slightly floaty blouse, is about the extent of the sartorial elegance... and for forest school, digging up dinosaurs in the school garden, seriously messy play or the half termly recreation of the home corner in a different guise with the help of 30 5 and unders and a lot of paint rollers, rather scruffier than that...Honestly, you'd much rather they were wearing suitable clothes for the job of facilitating children's learning than that they sat in the corner trying to keep their best clothes clean.....

Bear in mind that a teacher of reception aged children will be working with paint, glue, dough and water. She may sit on the floor some of the time, or be getting involved in a PE class (inside or out). She may have to cope with spilled drinks and snacks, toilet accidents and hand washing.

I would hate to see a teacher who couldn't involve herself 100% in class activities because her smart clothes made it impractical.

The key note should be practical and comfortable - not business smart.

BTW OP - I would suggest arranging another meeting with the teacher, where you can discuss her concerns about your daughter in a less pressured environment. I hope that you and the teacher can work together to find ways of supporting and helping your DD.

You sound like a precious prima donna who resorts to being a right See You Next Tuesday when someone isn't waxing lyrical about you or your daughter.

It IS hard to swallow when you don't hear good things at parents evening but grow up, ffs.

Its very odd, but we seem to have become awash with people who like to over use the full stop. Every single time the full stop abuse occurs its from someone slagging off a teacher.

Just saying.

I think I shee what you're shaying...

thanks for all the genuine advice and help.

I am disgusted that the teacher didn't even use the Shit Sandwich approach

[tongue firmly in cheek]

It's a shame you mentioned her appearance, because if she said what you say, in the way you reported it, then I'd agree with you that it was not the way to go in raising concerns.

you talk about areas of concern, how you as a teacher/school are addressing them, and tell the parent how you'd like them to help.

Telling it like it is is unecessarily confrontational language, as is telling the parent of a 4 year old that she'll be left behind.

Most 4 year old struggle to write, many don't hold the pen correctly and this is what the school is there to teach.

OTOH, are you being 100% accurate in reporting what she said, rather than what you heard ?

pretty - similar things were said about my DS aged 4 last week, he was judged on how many letters of the alphabet he could recognise and how many digits up to ten. This is memory not intelligence and I am confident that he is a bright aticulate little boy who has plenty of time to catch up.
I think teachers should dress professionally and look presentable to set an example to their pupils in wearing their uniform. In a minority it seems

I think it's only natural you are shocked at such news. Every parent likes to believe their child is the smartest, best looking and kindest child. It can't be easy to hear that they are not.

Diplomacy is probably not one of your teacher's strong points but to be perfectly honest I'd take someone's honest opinion over some politically correct bullshit anyday.

It would be far easier for the teacher to tell you everything is fine, your child is the best thing since sliced bread and leave her behind. But that's no good for your daughter.

You asked " what would you do?" Well for starters what I'd do is swallow your pride. Make an appointment to see her and talk through in more detail (and time) with what help your daughter needs and agree between you how to address them.

Picking on the teacher's dress sense is just trying to distract everyone from the real problem. And the real problem is your daughter is struggling. In that context do you really give a flying shit what clothes her teacher wears?

Rightly or wrongly, people are judged on their appearance. Personally, I feel a teacher should make an effort to look smart when they are meeting parents. To not do so, gives the impression that they CBA to make the effort to look professional and (however wrongly) will make parents question whether their lackadaisical approach extends to the classroom.

Some teachers are very good at dealing with children but are absolutely awful when it comes to communication with parents. I have come across a few, who have spent so much time with kids that they speak to everyone as if they were five years old. It's not unlike some doctors having an appalling bedside manner.

I doubt the OP would have been so critical of appearance, but for the fact that someone criticising our babies and saying nothing good at all, tends to make one lash out a bit.

I think the teacher handled this badly. Everyone knows that you say good things as well as points for concern at a parents evening. A good teacher would know that and do it instinctively. the fact that she hasn't, would raise concerns about the type of teacher my four year old was spending all day with.

OP, as you are not happy, make another appointment to discuss this in greater depth and ask your child's teacher if she has any positive points she'd like to make.

karma - I expect the teacher thought she had make an effort. Unless someone smells or looks dirty or is wearing totally inappropriate clothes (and I don't think that cords are inappropriate for a reception teacher) I think that is quite acceptable.

I'd agree - calm down, make an appointment, ask for examples of what she's talking about and try again.

I think some teachers are better than others at talking to parents. I also agree that it's not helpful when teachers minimise or fail to mention concerns. But they should know that parents of Reception children worry a lot about negative stuff and be prepared to give reassurance about what the school is doing to address them, as well as advice about what you as a parent can do. For example - you could do lots of finger writing in shaving foam, glitter or sand, to get letter formation right, and get triangular pencils for use at home