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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel shocked that my 4 year old was slated on 1st parents evening

319 replies

prettyontheinside · 14/11/2011 15:20

without using the word 'slow' my dd's ability to concentrate, obey simple instructions, even write her name correctly were all mentioned...a snigger also at the fact she struggled writing, recognising the number 9. i was also told "i'm here to tell it like it is" - now, i hadn't asked "does my bum look big in this"? but was there to discuss my child... i am thoroughly worried as i was also told she'd be 'left behind'...i did say i felt the child discussed isn't the girl i recognise. she's been writing her name for a year...could it be that her teacher lacks rapport with her charges, looks like an unmade bed (cords and cotton traders t's + trainers) and has a lady beard...in fact after a week off school with a virus the teacher in question did not even mention my child's return to class - to welcome or to reassure...all that aside, don't you think the school should perhaps have called me in pre parents evening and not deliver such worrying news in an alloted 10 minute slot within earshot of other parents... what would you do?

OP posts:
ElderberrySyrup · 14/11/2011 18:43

what do the parents of other kids in the class say about the teacher? I would have thought if there was a problem with her it would be a top topic of school gate conversation.

RedHotPokers · 14/11/2011 18:47

OP, not a fan of your lady beard comment.

That aside, YANBU at all to be shocked by the negative feedback about a FOUR YEAR OLD! I don't give a shit whether my child at FOUR can write her name for crying out loud! I care whether she is happy, sociable and polite. And if she's not, I don't want to hear some crappy comment about 'telling it how it is'. I want some constructive pointers as to how any issues can be worked on in a supportive way.

This teacher is way out of line, and I am surprised at the number of people who don't think so.

mathanxiety · 14/11/2011 18:50

Hulababy, The problem is though that the teacher thinks these things she mentions are problems. That bespeaks a lack of experience and frankly education. Imo.

Nanny0gg · 14/11/2011 18:51

I can understand the OP's concerns here.
No-one wants to hear negative things about their DCs, especially at their very first parents' evening. And definitely not within earshot of the mums' mafia other parents.
All the issues are dealable with (especially considering the child has been off sick) but need to be couched in positive terms "X is trying hard to write her name, it would be great if you could help her with her pencil grip, or making the letters at home in different ways." (giving examples.)
And there would be no excuse for sniggering, or appearing to snigger. I hope the OP misheard.
Of course she will be supportive of the suggestions the school will make for her DC, but there are ways of discussing them and if the OP came away shocked or upset then the situation (controlled by the teacher) was not handled properly.

Nanny0gg · 14/11/2011 18:52

And what RedHotPokers said.

Original poster
prettyontheinside · 14/11/2011 18:53

i am angry hence my attack on the way she looked.

i did ask how i can address the issues raised and was told to read to her. i do, we do. she picks 2 stories a night and if she is too knackered we don't bother. my concern is she has regressed and this teacher felt she would be left behind but offered no resoloution.
i was brought up to respect teachers, police, dr's etc and have always treated this teacher and indeed anyone in the school i have come in contact politely.
they are already learning cursive writing believe it or not that's why the pen thing has now been highlighted.

OP posts:
soverylucky · 14/11/2011 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
prettyontheinside · 14/11/2011 18:54

thanks nanny

OP posts:
fedupofnamechanging · 14/11/2011 18:54

ThisIsANickname, you ignore the parts of my posts where I say that appearance is only one factor among many in how people judge others and should not be the sole basis for an opinion. But it is human nature and it's not so easy to just stop. It's wired into us as part of the information gathering that we do when we meet others. You also ignore the part where I tell you that I would not discount a person's ability to do their job solely on the grounds that they are a bit scruffy. But, I still believe that when you attend a meeting you ought to dress up a bit, as a sign that you respect the significance of that meeting.

I also want to point out, that I am naturally a bit scruffy. Effortlessly groomed does not come naturally to me. However, when I met parents, I wore something presentable and not scruffy, as I believe that is a polite and respectful thing to do.

Still, the most important thing here is how the teacher interacted with the parent. From what the OP has said, I would judge this teacher negatively, not because she didn't bother to make an effort to look presentable, but because she comes across as too focussed on the negative.

Feenie · 14/11/2011 18:56

i am angry hence my attack on the way she looked. Hmm

Strange way to carry on.

Original poster
prettyontheinside · 14/11/2011 18:57

so- i didn't care as long as she was happy also, however i take issue that she recognises the people on her table write better than she does. are better at numbers etc. she is starting to notice and that in itself will make her unhappy.

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 14/11/2011 18:58

The thing is, lots of us parents are/were inexperienced at Reception parents evening, so IMO, when a teacher mentions something that's not positive at parents' evening then

a) she should be genuinely thinking it's a problem and

b) she should offer some reassurance and solutions that the school and possibly parents can work on

Otherwise, all you are doing is dumping worry on a parents' lap

JamieComeHome · 14/11/2011 18:59

parent's

JamieComeHome · 14/11/2011 18:59

my last post was t soverylucky

soverylucky · 14/11/2011 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieComeHome · 14/11/2011 19:04

re: cursive - I have heard some schools use this early because it does mean that the DCs learn right from the start where letters start and finish. It kinda makes sense - no expert but many DC start my making their letters "look right" but then can't right fluently when it comes time to start joining up

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 14/11/2011 19:22

DD is 4 and half , can just about write her name (badly) and recognises some numbers and letters but is a million miles from reading. Shall I book her place on the scrapheap now? Hmm
Oh and she had 2 days off with a virus last week I guess that's her life chances stuffed.

Hulababy · 14/11/2011 19:25

You need to ask the teacher what SHE is doing in class to support your DD. It isn't just your responsibility.

It isn't acceptable for the teacher to say your DD will be left behind. If that is the case it would mean the teaher and the school are failing her. So, they need to offer solutions that they will do in class.

It isn't unusual for schools to teacher cursive and joined up writing in reception. It's supposed to have several benefits longer term.

But right now your DD is only 4y. She has lots of time ahead of her so I definitely wouldn't be concerned about her abilities right now.

If you truely believe this teacher is mocking your DD and not supporting and helping her, complain further to the school.

Hulababy · 14/11/2011 19:26

Curseive joined up is supposed to be better for teaching spelling later on too.

BendyBob · 14/11/2011 19:44

It's a bit of a sad day though if a teacher can't find anything positive to say to about a 4 yr at the very first parents evening though. BlimeySad.

It would be an idea to keep an eye on the pen grip. Dd never really cracked it and now she's 10 it's too late really. Mind you I don't know what more I could have done. I bought pen grips, encouraged, cajoled practised with her etc, all to no avail.

PumpkinBones · 14/11/2011 19:47

I think the joined up writing thing is bollocks, my 4 year old's writing took a step backwards when he started having to do "school handwriting" - we used to learn cursive at 7/8 and it is not as if there is an entire generation of people wandering around laboriously writing in print.

I also think that in most instances "I tell it like it is" translates as "I am rude as fuck, if people get upset it's their problem, they just can't handle the truth."

pigletmania · 14/11/2011 19:54

Too right pumpkin it is rude, and yes agreeing with another poster, it is Sad when a teacher cannot find anything nice to say about a child.

ihatecbeebies · 14/11/2011 20:07

She was out of order laughing while pointing out that your child is struggling, and I'd have found it difficult to hold my tongue if it was me. Work on her areas of weakness that have been highlighted and if she doesn't show signs of improvement then discuss it again with her teacher.

I can understand why you commented on her appearance though, you were obviously shocked and angry after the meeting and wanted to vent, but hopefully with some support from you she'll improve in class Smile

JamieComeHome · 14/11/2011 20:07

Bench, hula -me too. Struggling with an 11 year old who the school now decides nneds to change his pencil grip....

girliefriend · 14/11/2011 20:09

At my dds first parents evening I was given a list of things that apparently I should be concerned about!

Everything on the list I would have said my dd could do but apparently when the teacher asked her to do something she just laughed and walked away Grin !!! At the end of the day she was 4yo and I said to her teacher that as long as she is happy and not going round punching other children I had nothing to be concerned about!!!