to feel shocked that my 4 year old was slated on 1st parents evening

[prettyontheinside]

without using the word 'slow' my dd's ability to concentrate, obey simple instructions, even write her name correctly were all mentioned...a snigger also at the fact she struggled writing, recognising the number 9. i was also told "i'm here to tell it like it is" - now, i hadn't asked "does my bum look big in this"? but was there to discuss my child... i am thoroughly worried as i was also told she'd be 'left behind'...i did say i felt the child discussed isn't the girl i recognise. she's been writing her name for a year...could it be that her teacher lacks rapport with her charges, looks like an unmade bed (cords and cotton traders t's + trainers) and has a lady beard...in fact after a week off school with a virus the teacher in question did not even mention my child's return to class - to welcome or to reassure...all that aside, don't you think the school should perhaps have called me in pre parents evening and not deliver such worrying news in an alloted 10 minute slot within earshot of other parents... what would you do?

"Rightly or wrongly, people are judged on their appearance. Personally, I feel a teacher should make an effort to look smart when they are meeting parents. To not do so, gives the impression that they CBA to make the effort to look professional and (however wrongly) will make parents question whether their lackadaisical approach extends to the classroom."

I hate this kind of BS.

"Rightly or wrongly, people are judged on their appearance" should read - "I know it's wrong, but I judge people on their appearance."
"To not do so, gives the impression that they CBA to make the effort to look professional and (however wrongly) will make parents question whether their lackadaisical approach extends to the classroom" Should read - "To not do so entitles make up my mind about someone's professionalism regardless of their demeanor, qualifications or work ethic and (once again, I know it's wrong) will be used by myself to undermine others whenever I disagree with them."

Op , I understand how you feel no good teacher should just give negatives without backing them up with a positive isn't that common sense ? My ds is also in reception and I was surprised to be called in the second week of term to be told " that he was very slow at getting dressed after pe " , I felt like I was in trouble standing in that classroom !

It's perfectly acceptable for during the day, I agree. I think that I would have kept a decent top/pair of trousers at school and done a quick change before meeting the parents. I agree that it shouldn't be important, really, but somehow it is.

I notice that the head teacher in my children's school always wears a suit. Appearances do matter, unfortunately.

Everyone knows that you say good things as well as points for concern at a parents evening.

Why? I have 10 mins. I don't want to waste time hearing how my son can recognise a circle and last week managed to kick a football unaided. What I want to know is where he needs to improve, any area's he's struggling and if so what we do to fix it.

I don't need to spend 5 of the ten minutes having sunshine blown up my arse to protect my ego.

I think I'd be looking at what I could do to deal with the information I was given rather than looking for ways to criticise the person giving the information.

If your still annoyed wiht way teacher dealt with it - why not talk to other parents and see how what they think - is there any chance the "i'm here to tell it as it is" comment was based on prev experience wiht you yourself in terms of you being slighly pfb'ish... and there fore not maybe willing to listen to any thing that you perceive as criticsm

good luck

niceguy - I think there's a mid-point between sunshine-up-arse and negativity without constructive advice

what your dds teacher said sounds pretty much the same as what my ds teacher said about him. He is also in reception.I didnt take it as being that bad but perhaps its mroe the tone its said? His teacher told us that they sit a teaching assistant next to him in group activities to get him to sit still long enough (he fidgets and loses attention very quickly) I took that as meaning that was the problem, they were dealing with it and that i shouldnt worry rather than a direct attack on him!

ultimately, i really don't care how she looks or what she wears if she is good at her job...

Dirty - you make a good point. I think sometimes we as parents get unnecessarily worried about something they mention that is really no biggie, or is being dealt with. I think sometimes teachers could be a bit clearer about this.

out of interest - OP how do you know the teacher never mentioned your daughter's return to class after her virus?

Tbh none of the things said seem abnormal, a lot of activities in reception involve teaching number and letter recognition, forming letters and fine motor skills, writing and recognizing ones name, learning the expected behaviour, so I don't think making you feel like your dc is slow when it doesn't actually sound like they are is bad communication,

You are right to feel upset. This teacher sounds like my son's teacher many years ago who sighed unhappily as she informed me he could barely write his name whilst "some of the class are writing their own little stories!" She also commented "I was very surprised when I heard you were a teacher." (!) As I was leaving,visibly upset, I asked about behaviour. "Oh,good as gold!" she answered,leaving me wondering why she couldn't have mentioned that earlier. Looking back,I wish rather than getting upset,I had got angry! Don't put up with it!

You know i;ve been thee- and it was horrible. you go in thinking pretty drawings and first numbers and come out all

But give it a day or two to sink in and take their advices on board: if there were none, ask what your next step should be. it might be nothing, in DS's case it was autism.

Which btw is very unlikely to be the smae for you, not suggesting that dx particualrly.

As for appearance- best teachr I ever met was a scruffy Quaker who valued us above her dress.

ThisIsANickname, the world we live in does judge on appearance. It's why many work places have a dress code. Whether you like it or not, it is a fact.
Having been a teacher, I personally would not judge another teachers abilities based upon their appearance, as I know it isn't a true indicator of ability, but plenty of parents would. Best avoid that from the outset and make an effort to look reasonably smart for a parents evening. I think it is a respectful way of acknowledging that the meeting is important, because in our society we dress up for important events.

I would never say to someone, "you are scruffy and therefore no good at your job", but it does create an impression of someone who maybe doesn't see the meeting as important enough to make an effort for.

Actually though shall give you flip side

DH's teahcer told his mum to put him in a SNU and forget education as he was too think and could not hold a pencil

MIL said 'he can write fine, have you even asked him?@

Teacher tried a few times then MIL explained that used some different words or something (obv not there LOL), he picked up a pencil and graduates next year.

Jamie, i agree. My overall point is that it's more important to get to the nub of the problem than waste time being politically correct.

I think actually reading these posts either my childrens teachers are really good at not upsetting people or I am really good at burying my head in the sand (more likely). My oldest daughters teacher at the last parents evening was telling me all about egg timers for her to sit still and strategies if she doesnt improve by the end of year two but I managed to come away thinking wow she made a great model of our house out of old boxes.

i know she didn't welcome her back, reassure etc as i was standing beside her when said teacher walked up the line when the morning bell went. she stopped 2 children ahead, my dd and returned to the front of the queue. later that day when i went to pick her up she wasn't in the line and as the line began to go down i asked her teacher politely where dd was and she said "oh she'll be out in a bit". i asked how she got on on her first day back and was told "fine".

'My overall point is that it's more important to get to the nub of the problem than waste time being politically correct.' yes but with sensitivity: for some kids this will be first time their parents realise that there is an issue that becomes quite marked (ds3 had multiple mini regressions and ended up quite severely autistic) so that single meeting might be one of 30 for you but they will never forget it.

Although again (sorry) Yy to direct; ds2 has something going on and I cold cry just for a bloody answer as to whether he is a bit thick or needs help with something like ADD. Head tells me one thing (ADD), teachers say all ok- argh!

(sorry!)

Your DD sounds like a normal 4 year old imo. My DS1 couldn't write his name when he was in reception, not properly anyway, and plenty of children can't concentrate for long periods of time at that age.

niceguy - surely you want a balanced view of how your child is getting on at school. You should hear the positives as well as the negatives. Ten minutes can be a long time at a parents evening and is plenty of time to tell you what is going well and how you can help your child to make progress in other areas.

'fine' is a good enough answer from a busy teacher imo

Some of the best teachers I can think of happen to be unlike models in their appearance.