to feel shocked that my 4 year old was slated on 1st parents evening

[prettyontheinside]

without using the word 'slow' my dd's ability to concentrate, obey simple instructions, even write her name correctly were all mentioned...a snigger also at the fact she struggled writing, recognising the number 9. i was also told "i'm here to tell it like it is" - now, i hadn't asked "does my bum look big in this"? but was there to discuss my child... i am thoroughly worried as i was also told she'd be 'left behind'...i did say i felt the child discussed isn't the girl i recognise. she's been writing her name for a year...could it be that her teacher lacks rapport with her charges, looks like an unmade bed (cords and cotton traders t's + trainers) and has a lady beard...in fact after a week off school with a virus the teacher in question did not even mention my child's return to class - to welcome or to reassure...all that aside, don't you think the school should perhaps have called me in pre parents evening and not deliver such worrying news in an alloted 10 minute slot within earshot of other parents... what would you do?

I agree

YANBU at all, the teacher sounds rubbish, sorry she does. Your little girl is only 4, dd 4.6 started foundation year at MS school this September, and they do not have these expectations, dd teacher is a wonderful lady, who is very reassuring and said that not all children in her class are able to write their names, and hold and pen and write. DD has SN btw and 25 hours support. They are only 4, in my mums country and in other European countries children don't start formal school until 6/7 as they are very young.

At the very least I think the teacher should have organised a 'Welcome Back' banner for the OP's DD when she returned after her illness dontcha think?

Teachers personal appearence aside, there is no need for a character assasination of a 4 year old child. These meetings should yes discuss the child's weaknesses but also their strengths too. I had teachers like that who just honed in on the bad things about me at school, I developed low self esteem and confidence as a result. Well I got a good BA (hons), and an MSc Psychology, my old teachers would be , as they said that I would never amount to anything and that I was backward (in those days).

She ought to have asked after her and if she really didn't, then that reflects poorly on the teacher. These kids are only 4 and want to feel that their teacher cares about them.

So far as writing their names is concerned, if a child has 3 or 4 letters in their name, they will find it a hell of a lot easier to remember how to write it, than a child with 9 or 10 letters in their name. It's not a totally fair criterion to use as a judgement for writing ability.

I am very happy with the staff at dd school, they are wonderful, I wish that I had teachers like that when I was in Primary school. The staff are very positive, yes they discuss dd difficulties, but also her strengths, dd loves going to school and comes home happy and smiling which is the main thing.

I haven't read the whole thread, but what stands out a mile inb the first instance is that your daughter was off for a week with a virus!

I find this very socking- yes, she will get left behind ( it sounds as if she is already behind)

Other than that there are clearly very significant problems with your daughters educational progress, and with your attirtude to teaching staff. Try not to get all defensive, and ask how you can best support your daughter. If she is so far behind already, this is extremely urgent.

She's not obviously suited for reception teaching, it requires an enthusiastic person with exceptional social skills who understands that it is the year when parents are at their most vulnerable and protective.
Most parents need a degree of support to cope with their child entering school and the OP has reacted to the perceived lack of sensitivity by being aggressive and attacking the appearance of the teacher although it is irrelevant to the actual job.

I could dress like a designer doll, but I'd have to charge parents if their child inflicted damage on my loveliness. At least the dry cleaning and manicure necessities.
Or I could sit at my desk looking smart and non-functional.

crabapple she is only 4 fgs and just started reception. The girl was ill with a virus, it would be irresponsible for the op to send her in when she is ill and contagious. Are you that teacher crabapple . She is only in reception not sitting her SATS fgs!

CrabApple99 I haven't read the whole thread, but what stands out a mile inb the first instance is that your daughter was off for a week with a virus!

I find this very socking- yes, she will get left behind ( it sounds as if she is already behind)

Really? My DS2 (also in reception) was off for a week with really bad tonsillitis (week before last) and then for a day last week with a rash! How is she behind? It is perfectly NORMAL for a child that age to not be able to write their own name!

Yes, Crabapple. Reception is a lot of playing (it bloody well should be). And it is normal not to be able to write at 4

Can I just point out that this was far from a "character assassination" , it focussed on the key skills which are developed in the Reception year as part of EYFS, and we only have the op's interpretation of what was said in the space of 10 minutes. Once negative things were mentioned, seemingly surprisingly,it is quite possible that anything positive got lost. Ask for an appointment to get a fuller picture and specific examples and to discuss the mismatch between her performance at school and home in a calm, less time-pressured way.

DownbytheRiverside - you are so right. And may I just complement you on your exceptional trousers social skills?

"ThisIsANickname, everyone judges everyone else. It's human nature. If not on appearance, then on accent, job, wealth, hobbies, parenting approach. The list could go on. That being the case, it's pointless to pretend otherwise. If you walked into a bank or business or hospital and the receptionist and front line staff were scruffy, would you still have full confidence in them? Despite what you say, I think you would judge too."

Why ask a question to which you don't want an answer? You have already decided that everyone is as shallow as you are, so there is no reason for me to deny it. It wouldn't make a difference.

FWIW, I don't actually take notice of how people are dressed, normally. The things that bother me in banks or businesses or hospitals are the people who don't make eye contact, who roll their eyes or sigh exasperatedly when they are expected to do their jobs, and who pay no attention to the people in their care. No dress code actually stops people from doing that.

"Scruffiness" is subjective. Who are you to decide how I should groom myself. It's presumptuous and it's bull. If you acknowledge that it's wrong, maybe you should stop.

Can I just say that I feel a tiny bit sad at the idea that a 4 year old who cannot write their name is deemed by anyone to be "left behind"

Cord trousers and modrock. Never a good combination.
The mummified objects look pretty fab though.
Teaching is hard on the wardrobe and it could get very expensive, I was wearing an apron too...
Trousers are very practical for those involved with small children who have to be up and down and about all the time. As are flat shoes.

The proper response from a parent should be "how can I help my
DD" not to bitch about the teacher's appearance and perform a character assassination.

Would any of this have been an issue had the report been glowing?

I am a bit boggled that this is the level of feedback that is considered the norm at this stage of school. Some of these children will only have just turned 4, some will not have done more than mornings at nursery before, there's lunch to get to grips with, playtime, making friends, understanding the new routines and where everything is, getting to know the teachers, TAs, and other people, learn their way around teh building, which is their hanger for PE kit, getting changed by themselves for PE etc. They have only been going for 2 months. We got a "how she's settling in" meeting and I was perfectly happy with that.

I agree Sardine.

I agree with Pigletmania.

This teacher seems to have all the sensitivity of a thick short plank. And to be just as suited to her job as a plank would be, and as educated about child development.

At 4 years of age, nothing the teacher harped on about would be a cause for concern in most schools in the English speaking world.

Yes, I agree with you too, Sardine.

sardine, that's what i expected and hoped for. nothing more or less. just that she was coping with school life and that the transition was successful.

When the teacher told you about these difficulties your DD appears to be having at school, what was your response at the time? Did you ask how you could help her at home? Did you ask how the teacher and school were supporting your DD to ensure she doesn't get left behind.

In the meeting was there anything positive at all?

To be fair, the things you mention are not really serious issues. Many of them are very, very normal for a 4y child in reception. Not being able to write their name is not a real problem, it is something they can work on in reception. Struggling to recognse and write a number at this point is also not a serious problem.

Holding her pen wrong - well, it is good that this is brought up now tbh. Pencil grip is important later on, esp for curseive joined up writing. And pencil grip quickly becomes secnd nature. If not corrected now then it becomes far more difficult to correct later on. I know - my 9y DD has an odd pencil grip and it does affect her writing, but at 9y it is almost impossible to correct - and we have been trying for a few years now!

You say the teacher was mocking your DD - in what way?

The teacher's appearance is irrelevant right now and tbh doesn't help your op, but ignoring that now, how does your DD feel about her school?

If the teacher has really been mocking a child who is struggling then this is pretty serious and ought to be reported to her line manager for unprofessional conduct.

If you don't feel the 10 minutes appointment is long enough to discuss your DD then ask the teacher for another appointment, a long one, maybe after school one day. If you are concerned about the teacher's attitude at another appointment take someone with you to the appointment.

_

crabapple - ill children should not be at school if they are ill. Slight coughs and colds - yes, feeling poorly, temperatures, etc - no. Please do not send ill children to school - the staff would rather not end up ill themselves (absent staff is far mroe disrptive than to a class after all) and the rest of the children may end up ill too. Not good.

crabapple You would be very surprised at the fact my ds was off for 2 and a half weeks in year 2 then - with a virus!

So far behind at 4? FGS!